I need help understanding different personality types!

[JackHatchet]

Anti-vaxxers, many I believe, think that vaccines actualyl CAUSE autism, which is a shame. But that's another topic entirely.

And to be frank, no matter how much you try you will never understand why they "struggle to fit in". Trust me. I have an autistic husband. Known him for 20+ years. And I still don't understand it fully even though I go to his therapy sessions and read information. The same as my family does not fully understand my anxiety and depression. Unless you actually have it and go through it ... the best is you can try to learn and keep learning.

The social cues issue is a real thing. For example, not being able to tell if what you are saying is hurting a person (that person may cross their arms or look angry). An autistic person would just keep going. Or, in reverse, if a person tells an autistic person a joke that SEEMS offensive, but that person is smiling when they say it, the autistic person takes it to heart and believes the joke was real and was to hurt them.

For talking, as an example, my husband loves computers, games, and technology. He can go on and on and on, and cannot read when I'm rolling my eyes or just saying uh huh and stuff. Cues that non-autistic people would read as "okay they are bored or upset etc, I should stop".

Yeah, you've probably the right of it. Every so often I see some posts like the past few in General talking about people struggling and it inspires me to try and learn a little more. And I guess it's really frustrating to hit up against this wall of. "You'll never understand it, but it happens." It feels so defeating. Like there's no real solution to it.

I can understand some parts, because I was with someone with schizophrenia for 10 years. I understood the concept of hallucinations and inner voices. But I never knew 'exactly' what it felt like. But I was able to understand enough to communicate through it. Schizophrenic people have some pretty negative stigma around them too. BUT only to a small number of people. Which is why I struggle to believe that anti-vaxxers are a thing--let alone worth listening to. There's always that tiny minority that will hate someone who is different. But for the majority of people. I always saw the world as being incredibly accepting of mental-illness.

[Dzian]

And your response to them being autistic is "As long as you don't lie to me, it's all cool!"... really? What does that have to do with anything? This shows your complete lack of understanding of their hardships, and people are well versed in recognizing these signs and basically knowing right off the bat that you won't really be accepting of them. It's basically like if you were talking about gay people and the second someone tells you they are gay, you say "As long as you don't hit on me, we are all good!" that's a homophobic tell,

I think that's incredibly extreme. See to me they have the same values I have. Honesty. I have very little time for anyone who lies to me. Autistic or not.. yet I have all the time in the world for honest people.

As for gay people I have gay friends and some Bi ones. Even lived with a gay guy at one point despite me being straight. And I don't think any of them have taken offence to a comment such as "as long as you don't hit on me we're cool" that's essentially the same as a gay person telling a straight guy "as long as you don't try to set me up with some bird we're cool"

It's a statement of mutual respect. You respect my sexuality I'll respect yours.... theres nothing homophobic or offensive in it.

Maybe that's just my autistic way of thinking....

[Liam_Harper]

Basically social anxiety makes chatting and talking very difficult. The anxiety part makes you see potential dangers where there aren't any, such as "what if the thing I say comes across as rude, or over-friendly, or stupid, or offensive" and in addition, you tend to be more sensitive to emotions so rejection or ridicule would hurt a lot more. It doesn't mean talking is impossible or that socially anxious people dislike talk or company in itself, it's just that it's difficult. This is a disorder, it's your brain being wired differently so while you can work on it, you can't just snap out of it or grow a thicker skin.

Not belonging isn't necessarily true, everyone belongs somewhere and can make friends, but it's easy to perceive it that way if you fall into the trap of thinking social interaction is an impossibility for you. Having that much struggle to simply chat to someone can be discouraging. Honestly it can be a bad habit sometimes, it's unhealthy to get too deep into an "everyone hates me" pool of self pity, you tend to push away those who care. It's not always the worst thing to point this out (just in a nice way, not an angry one). Even if they don't seem to listen, they can understand it.

The best way to handle the situation for talking can be to accept they won't often initiate conversation. Nothing wrong with poking to chat as long as it's not constant or demanding, it can often be nice. Asking questions or bringing up a subject of mutual interest can help since that's a lot easier than being expected to contribute your own topic or flow of conversation. For example I'm terrible with chatting about day to day things, but I could ramble about something ingame all day. Quite a few with autism have that trait of very specific focused areas of interest. If they're quiet or drift away it doesn't mean they're being rude or dislike talking to you.

[JackHatchet]

I think that's incredibly extreme. See to me they have the same values I have. Honesty. I have very little time for anyone who lies to me. Autistic or not.. yet I have all the time in the world for honest people.

As for gay people I have gay friends and some Bi ones. Even lived with a gay guy at one point despite me being straight. And I don't think any of them have taken offence to a comment such as "as long as you don't hit on me we're cool" that's essentially the same as a gay person telling a straight guy "as long as you don't try to set me up with some bird we're cool"

It's a statement of mutual respect. You respect my sexuality I'll respect yours.... theres nothing homophobic or offensive in it.

Maybe that's just my autistic way of thinking....

I had an eureka moment reading your post!

At first. I read it, and it just kinda proves my point that I agree with you, and that I'd have no idea that you were autistic until you said something. Right? So to me Autistic people are so normal, that I don't even really recognize the difference.

But what I realized with the person you commented to. I think I get what they're saying! They're critiziing me for saying "as long as you don't lie to it, it's cool." as if I by default didn't trust autistic people enough that I had to open with a conditional warning. Which seems fair. It comes off as a judgmental comment if stereotypical and unfounded. However, I don't ask people not to lie to me, because I don't trust autistic people. I say that, because they come to me with baggage like "I often conflict with my communities,' or "I struggle with social situations." My response is don't lie to me, and we'll work it out." It's not aimed at autistic people. It's aimed at socially awkward people. I Firmly believe that I can talk through any social disagreement as long as both parties are honest.

[JackHatchet]

The best way to handle the situation for talking can be to accept they won't often initiate conversation. Nothing wrong with poking to chat as long as it's not constant or demanding, it can often be nice. Asking questions or bringing up a subject of mutual interest can help since that's a lot easier than being expected to contribute your own topic or flow of conversation. For example I'm terrible with chatting about day to day things, but I could ramble about something ingame all day. Quite a few with autism have that trait of very specific focused areas of interest. If they're quiet or drift away it doesn't mean they're being rude or dislike talking to you.

I think what bothers me the most is when the two issues you mentioned are combined. I don't like when people say "everyone hates me,' but will refuse to initiate conversation with me. Even if I start with some small-talk. It just kinda dissipates into a non-conversation. I don't hate anyone. I'll talk about anything. I'm a social butterfly extrovert.

But I get what you're saying. There's probably a wide variety of factors involved. I know that people who have depression or the "everyone hates me" blues isn't always autistic. And autistic people don't always have depression. And then on top of that social anxiety is an entirely different issue that others may or may not have.

Which is again why I really like these more personalized responses. I know a few people suggested I can Google Autism or read up on it with some Wikis or what not. But those don't feel like real life experiences from real people. I'm not looking for a book to tell me that people are X, Y, and Z. I'm looking for experiences of how people with X, Y, and Z may also have A, B, C. Or how they handle things differently. If I expected everyone to behave like a book told me they would--I'd be no better off than if I did nothing. Kinda like that 'wise' saying how a wise person is the one who admits to knowing nothing. I don't want to get caught in a trap where I read about something, and then learn that it's wrong. i'd rather build my foundation with real life experiences. Because I don't want to make assumptions based on a book. I want to build my wisdom from experience.

[Selova]

What's the difference between small talk and over-sharing? I guess to me all talk is talk.

The way I view small talk might differ from the actual definition but I view people that start out conversations with small talk to be lacking in perception and awareness. Some people might even use it because they lack experience on how to hold a conversation with someone.


Its said that it can help with feeling a person out so you know where to take the conversation, but I view it as a incredibly boring route in communicating and getting to know someone.


You dont have to get into too personal territory but I'd rather show the person I'm communicating with personal interest in them rather than bringing up vague and boring topics that can honestly serve to make a already awkward silence even worse.


If you can show that you're interested them as a person, chances are you can get them to open up a bit about who they are and their interests and that's always a easier path to converse with, especially if you have things in common, like playing a MMO .

Anyways sorry for the rant, this is just my thoughts on the topic.

[Kelani]

I don't know whether I'm autistic yet, as stated in a prior post, I'm undergoing an assessment for ASD. I have always had a social disorder and have had people say to me that on first meeting me that I've come across snobby and disinterested in people. However, once they've got to know me they realise I'm not like that at all, I'm just very very very socially awkward. I cannot and will not instigate a conversation, I just never know what to say, and I find it hard sometimes to maintain a conversation if someone has instigated one. I also avoid social instances (in real life) like parties, gatherings, even going to see the Liverpool parade this last Sunday I missed out on because I didn't want to be around crowds. I don't have friends that I can go and see where I live (lived in Liverpool for the last 19 years) the only friends I have I keep in contact with on Messenger and phone. They live so far away that we hardly see each other because of the cost of train prices are ridiculous.

Online, I keep to myself. I will say hello in a dungeon, offer advice if someone asks for it, will sometimes respond to something someone says but I don't tend to start a conversation with someone. Sometimes if someone tries to talk to me the conversation will fizzle out pretty quickly, because it just feels.... awkward, for lack of a better word. I don't know whether people think I'm weird or not, I've never asked. I've only just started talking about it over the last couple of years (mainly cos I've had to for the assessment) but I had a very poor upbringing, and my parents made me feel ashamed of myself, I still do feel this shame and I can't shake it. My parents didn't treat me well because they basically thought and often said to me that I was "odd".

Whether I'm autistic or whether it's due to a mental health issue I still have problems with social interaction. As I said, I don't know whether people see me differently, compared to other people who don't have any social problems. But I've always felt like I've been on the outside, looking in. I've never really fit in anywhere or ever really been a part of anything. I see the way other people are (outgoing, friendly, etc) and I wish that I could be like that but I can't.

An example of feeling on the outside is when I play Town of Salem. I often see things in the game that others don't. When people can't see what I'm seeing I get really frustrated and try to make them see. In these cases, I'm normally ignored even though I try my hardest to make people see. Heck, I actually don't know why people start ignoring me to be honest, but the more they ignore me the more frustrated I become. I did actually get a compliment once when I saw something that others couldn't see and successfully outed the Arsonist but that was like only once! They asked me how I did it, but I couldn't explain how, it's just a thing that happens.

Sorry for the waffle, I tend to do that a lot.

[Barraind]

I have to admit. I'm still confused! What's the difference between one person's kids, or one person's health issues?

Small talk: Hey, how are you (i'm ok, how are you?), hows the family (they're fine, ones starting kindergarten this year and the other just graduated. We should have spaced them better, haha), nice weather we're having (its already a really hot summer and its only june).

Oversharing: I have these odd stomach cramps that are usually okay, but man every now and then i double over in pain and then i have to take a giant dump where it feels like im giving birth out my butt for 20 minutes straight until I can finally walk normally again. I think my dog passed out from having to smell it last time too, I think im probably rotting inside. I went to the doctor and he said it might be related to the hemorrhoids I never got treated, but as i dont have the money for surgery because of the 4 kids all needing braces and scuba lessons, I figured it couldnt be THIS bad, you know? But its getting hard to sit on anything without 3 pillows and a special donut ring

[Darus]

Man these autism topics are popping up quite a lot lately, guess that's my cue to jump in.

Allow me to provide ample insight on the "condition" known as autism. As for my credentials - I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorder, 10 years ago when I was 23 and this led me into the field of psychology and immediately obtained my Bachelors degree in the field and am now getting my Masters in counseling where I frequently use autism as the subject matter of papers. Needless to say, I have a relation to and knowledge on the condition.




What is it?
Autism, for the most part, is misunderstood even on the way it's diagnosed and explained. To explain it simply, Autism is a set of conditions that affects a person's cognitive ability to socially relate with others. In layman's terms, Autism makes it hard to interact socially. This means not knowing what to say or just understanding why we do things in a situation or how to relate to another.

What's the problem?
All a person with autism wants is to be accepted. That's it. Understand they have some oddities and differences and accept them for that, that's all they want. The problem for people with autism is they don't act like everyone else and frequently, and I mean FREQUENTLY, get rejected from social groups for being "odd" or seemingly out of place. This happens early on especially. Their conditions stunts their ability to learn socially which causes them to get cast out of social groups and prevents them from getting any social interaction, and thus, social learning and understanding.


Whats the cause?
Autism is a condition that occurs in 1 out of every 40 people. However, that statistic is skewed as men have a 5 times higher rate than women, so it's about 5-10% in the male population, maybe even more based on how you view diagnosing criteria. Autism is not a truly negative condition and is not an unnatural phenomenon. It's been around since forever and does have beneficial effects for some. Vaccines do not cause it and right now the US is having frequent measles outbreaks cause of this view perpetrated by legal criminals. Autism is natural and can cause a decrease in social capacity for an increase in cognitive capacity. Einstein is attributed as having been a person who most likely had autism, as did many scientists and inventors. Autism creates a good situation for creating men and women of science and alters how they behave. It allows us to advance in society through truly insane considerations the normal person just would not think of.




So, what does this mean for everyone here?

You know people with autism, you all do. You can't go online without meeting some. Just try to understand some people have different brain hardware that makes it hard to understand the social direction of others. Accept your friends for their good points and try to help them learn social cues and needs. Autism is not an excuse and it's not a disease, it's a person that was hardwired differently so that they can approach the world at a different manner. Human's are a complex species and many hate others for being any bit different, so people with autism do experience many hardships, but so does everyone in the world. The problems they face is that they lack some of the ability to pick themselves up the same way and these leads to more hardships.

When a person is different or has their own problems, just remember we ALL have our problems. Every single human will at multiple points in their lives go through mental disorders, conditions, and disabilities. We all age, losing our bodies and minds to time.

If you don't learn to accept others with problems, then what right do YOU have to be accepted when you eventually develop your own difficulties?

[StarRosie]

Basically social anxiety makes chatting and talking very difficult. The anxiety part makes you see potential dangers where there aren't any, such as "what if the thing I say comes across as rude, or over-friendly, or stupid, or offensive" and in addition, you tend to be more sensitive to emotions so rejection or ridicule would hurt a lot more. It doesn't mean talking is impossible or that socially anxious people dislike talk or company in itself, it's just that it's difficult. This is a disorder, it's your brain being wired differently so while you can work on it, you can't just snap out of it or grow a thicker skin.

The best way to handle the situation for talking can be to accept they won't often initiate conversation. Nothing wrong with poking to chat as long as it's not constant or demanding, it can often be nice. Asking questions or bringing up a subject of mutual interest can help since that's a lot easier than being expected to contribute your own topic or flow of conversation. For example I'm terrible with chatting about day to day things, but I could ramble about something ingame all day. Quite a few with autism have that trait of very specific focused areas of interest. If they're quiet or drift away it doesn't mean they're being rude or dislike talking to you.

Someone give this lad a medal!

Man, as someone with autism (Aspergers.), I've been struggling and rewriting a post over and over to try and offer some insight and help on how to get over some of the 'hurdles', but you summed it up pretty well. I think, one thing I'd note is that in some cases. We WANT to talk, just the anxiety is so crippling that it's really hard to approach someone and just...talk. I know that my head plays dozens of doomsday scenarios when I dare try to say "Hi." to someone.

I think what bothers me the most is when the two issues you mentioned are combined. I don't like when people say "everyone hates me,' but will refuse to initiate conversation with me. Even if I start with some small-talk. It just kinda dissipates into a non-conversation. I don't hate anyone. I'll talk about anything. I'm a social butterfly extrovert.

I guess my only advice would be, build common ground, it can actually help more then it seems when there's more common area for you guys to talk about. And be a bit patient if they're struggling to have small talk or a conversation.

On the "Everyone hates me" bit, my guess is that their autism might be walking hand and hand with depression. And from my experience with both, the two make for a truly crippling combo that usually leads to a lot of mentally beating myself up up over the little things. Sadly, I don't have any advice here on this bit, as I'm still struggling to figure out the best way to tackle it myself.