About: Dungeon "anxiety", Being afraid of failing or getting back into the game

[MrKusakabe]

Believe it or not there was a time when people didn't get anxiety when running dungeons for the first time or returning to the game ect. Back when ppl wouldnt whine and would just get good. I miss those days.

"Getting good" is pretty weird in both perspectives.
When others fail, you can do so much. Yesterday, I was in that Level 40 guildhest (I guess) where you need to take out those enemies all at once within a short timeframe. The beginner just killed them all over, so they respawned. There was nothing I could do as Scholar just then hoping he would understand English. He did, and I could explain it and we did it, but still, how is someone getting good out of that situation?
When I fail, I maybe get blamed, and I am a bar of lead on people's feet. This entire situation happened to me as experienced LoL player (played since early 2010) so often - beginners losing you the game. Over and over. There is a bit of a pressure when there are guides out there and all that but the execution fails.

"Whining" is, in both scenarios, the wrong word (just like "git gud"). Having a competent mate is not a wrong expecation, isn't it?

[MrKusakabe]

I'm fucking terrible and I haven't had any shit from anyone, although I have only been playing for a few months. I also don't give other people any shit when they suck.

Haha, you are already better than many people by admitting your limits. I also do not flame here, because those perfect dance choreographies are sometimes impossible. Just one person missing up a bit can shake up the entire bossfight and lopside it to die.
Yesterday I didn't realize my Eos died and I almost killed the tank. After that boss, the new DD always took aggro. Nobody said something, which was kind of a good sign.

[MrKusakabe]

I'm newly returned, and I have a bit of dungeon anxiety. Good grief, I came back and I have a long list of dungeons to do already!

So I'm going to watch/read a guide or two on a dungeon, then queue up, tell folks hello and I'm new, and then do my best. I like this game and want to progress. The worst thing that can happen is I make mistakes and/or I get kicked and/or "people say mean things to me".

I've decided I can handle all of those things, without my self-esteem taking a hit. I look at it as a decision that I need to make.

There are a lot of things in this life that I can feel bad about, but I've decided my video game performance is not one of them. (Don't misunderstand me - I want to be a good player who contributes, but I have to start somewhere.)

I hope others who are worried can hit their stride and move forward, remembering to treat others with kindness and understanding as they progress.

This is something I often think about it. I own property, I have a good job and a good position, nice mates, a loving family.
But when I am logging for a duty and it's being found, I get this awkward feel of screwing up. Maybe because my father had very low patience with me (e.g. learning how to tie a knot on my shoe lace took him like 2 attempts before leaving me alone with it...).

I also want to progress, and I want to be a good-enough Redmage. And that is exactly the point..^^

[MrKusakabe]

I'm pretty similar.

I come from over a decade of hardcore WoW where I was intimately familiar on every role with each dungeon's mobs and pathing and mechanics, and if I wasn't carrying a pug I had a network of friends I could rely on to group with. I have none of that in FFXIV and the anxiety it causes is paralyzing.

Most people in this game are kind and accommodating and I just feel awful about potentially disappointing them by failing to meet their expectations (so the silver lining when someone is being toxic about a run is that there's at least one person I don't care about disappointing).

I do not do roulettes on my main and have pretty much only done MSQ dungeons with the help of my friend. I'm familiar enough with the maps and mechanics of early MSQ dungeons to DPS and heal them as I'm leveling my alts but as I'm getting into higher level dungeons into 50+ content I'm starting to feel it again.

Fortunately I don't see any point in doing roulette anyway, so it hasn't been a huge problem except for MSQ which I'm hoping Trusts can help with.



Oddly enough this is where I excel and the one time my anxiety isn't bad. As long as I'm not the only one delving I'm more than eager to queue into the unknown because there are no mystery expectations.

I'm really looking forward to ShB because it will be equally new to everyone and while I will still be a bit anxious about my performance on jobs (all of them seem to have too many abilities for both my keyboard and physical comfort) I'm a quick study with mechanics and very situationally aware, so new content is my element.

This is one of the best responses so far, especially the "meeting their expectations" part. This is what I put in my OP as well: They have a right of getting a decent team mate.
As well as about the jobs. I've been flamed in like 2014 for some random nonsense, which was like "PRESS X instead of Y!!!!" for no reason (I even did the math, it was in Brayflox hardmode) and then it evolved into the FC. As it was the tank talking nonsense, it basically turned even worse against me - this drama itself is easy-peasy to digest. If you work in retail for 11 years, you have seen and heard everything, including violence, fires and even a flooded basement level).

Very interesting insight though

[guardin]

i never understood dungeon anxiety either. maybe its becuz im really alpha and radiate confidence at all times???

dungeons are literally snooze mode. i mean first time dungeons can be scary but afterwards its more of the same.

[MrKusakabe]

Greetings, Mr. Kusakabe.

I want to offer you a perspective that will be unlike what you'll generally see on this forum. As someone who also has anxiety when doing certain things, I definitely understand how you feel. I am actually quite competent in this game as I've been here since 2.0 launch and have a vast amount of experience playing throughout the timeline of this game. So in that regard we differ, but I point it out that I still get bits of anxiety despite my skill, despite my experience for one reason... That reason is when I start delving into the unknown. It's as if my experience betrays my emotions so this is really a self confidence issue and what actually smashes this feeling is facing your fear head on and becoming experienced with the content.

Try to win, but if you fail the content that's okay! It's okay to be bad at this game and that's something no one will say to you but I will. At the end of the day if you tried it doesn't matter if you are bad, the fact that the effort was put in to be better, to try to win is all that is required. Every step forward is progression into being better than yesterday, that's how you should approach this. Don't compare yourself to people who have mastered the game, set that as your goal, but understand it is one that requires time.

Everyone starts somewhere, including all of these veterans. They didn't start out as these elite adventurers, it took experience. You will get there my friend, just take solace in that it's okay to be a novice it's okay to not be "great". And the more you get out there the better you will become, the less anxiety you will feel. I'm rooting for you!

Wise words, but as often, the reasonable voices and thoughts do not reach the [people] I am afraid of..A bit at least.

But waiting 46 minutes for a dungeon just to be booted for "pressing X instead of Y" can be disgustingly awkward. It's like landmines. You never know when you trigger one of those people..

[Melichoir]

Youre getting into your own head to much and worrying about being good.

Can you avoid a telegraphed AoE attack?
Can you press some buttons to deal damage?
Can you read your tool tips on your skills?

If you can do those three, youre already 90% of the way there. If you cant, dont worry, youll learn in time. Broadly most people youll encounter will be indifferent to you. Good tanks and healers will just run on ahead in any ARR content and not worry to heavily about DPS (Not that they want to solo it, just that you doing mediocre damage wont really impact anything). The only time youll get flak is when you get the occassional ass hat, or if you start giving the party attitude. As long as youre not the type who just phones it in (and people can usually tell), youll be ok.

Beyond that, just bite hte bullet and jump into a dungeon. Worst case scenario is they kick you, possibly after some cross words.

Thats it.

Your character doesnt get deleted, youll likely not see to many of that party ever again, youll still be able to queue up and do it again. And thats the worst case scenario. Whats typically gonna happen is youll go in, do things, complete it, and then move onto the next challenge. Might even meet cool people who will give you pointers if you say your new or just returning and are way to rusty.

But yeah, just get out of your own head and dont worry about things. Play RDM, have fun, get over that mental block and back into the swing of things. Worrying about running into jerk players is silly as youre letting a minor what if stop you from enjoying something you have interest in. It's like saying I want to eat pancakes but am deathly afraid a inter-dimensional portal is going to open up as I go to IHOP and Ill get pulled into it. Could that happen? Sure. Is it likely to happen? Pretty much no. As long as Ive been playing, Ive only been kicked from a dungeon maybe 3 times total, and encountered those extreme jerkasses maybe 20 times at most. It's not a frequent thing in regular content. You get edgy people but typically not people who will single you out and make you pay for minor things. And even half those times, people will stick up for you as long as your cool and trying.

[DarkEiraStar]

Unlock your Squad from your Grand Company. You can take them into Dungeons
Start small: Guildheists. They're are short, easy, and simple. (Also meant for learning)
Hall of the Novice: Find The Smith in the adventurer's guilds, do all the levels.
If you've never been in a dungeon, go to youtube, watch a video so you will at least be prepared for bosses.

Unless you are making no attempt to avoid damage, pulling before the tank, or being a jerk in chat people will not complain or kick you.

[Lissyl]

I've seen a different one that looked half-assed, but this one is really like a good start. Almost as helpful as the Wendy's training VHS video on how to make a good burger.

I had no idea I needed this video in my life. O.O
As a side note, seeing the Wendy's Salad Bar made my eyes mist up. I miss salad bars. Sniff.

On topic, I relate to dungeon anxiety far more than I should, good thread. =)

[Sakuraluna]

I can definitely understand anyone who has dungeon anxiety. I have a very hard time joining things through both df and pf without friends.