Or maybe they see it because it's been their experience? You're male, and so you don't see it. Instead you see three city-states with female leadership. I see the Admiral who is in her position because the male (did you not even pay attention to her story?) doesn't want the job. I see the sultaness who can't function without Raubahn, to the point of running into his arms like a gushing child, and gosh I hope they don't stuff the rest of her story up. More likely, we won't really hear from Ul'dah anymore. That's two out of three pretty obvious "female but not really" stories.
The warrior of light is technically 'our' character, but there was nothing stopping SE from showing the WoL as something different than a human, white, stereotypical male every xpac. The Warrior of Light could have actually been one of the different races for each cover which would have signaled to the world that the warrior of light actually CAN be anyone, but it isn't, and that's a real disappointment. It means their 'idea' of the warrior of light is exactly what everyone thinks it is - a straight, cis, white, male.
So about the storyline you are referencing over in SB - yes that character is currently female, but if you listened to her story, her personality is explained away not as her just being a strong woman, it's because she was previously male. She’s actually quite firm about who she was and how her personality stems from that. It’s another example of strong female characters not really being on their own as strong female characters.
And finally, the jerk arrogant dude was overthrown temporarily as the leader of the clans, and we only helped because we were backing someone that would take our side in the end, right? That’s what we wanted, someone to take our side and that NPC happened to be it. You could actually argue that we went after the ‘weakest’ member to put on the throne because we needed their support and neither of the other two ‘stronger’ leaders were going to come support our war.
And Hydaelyn... is a crystal. That shouldn't even have to be addressed but if your argument against sexist undertones in the game is the presence of a crystal with a female voice actress... maybe take another look?
I agree that confirmation bias can be real, but I challenge you to really look deeper at the story than it sounds like you have.
So far, the only character I have come across in this entire game that I can 100% say is a strong female character without having any obvious underlying male storyline is Shantotto. And for that, I’ll be forever a Black Mage.