(Rant Post) Why Does It Feel Like Giving Advice Is Evil?

[TaleraRistain]

Did you ask if they wanted advice? The key part of being a mentor is putting yourself out there if they need assistance, but keeping the control in their hands on whether they partake of that assistance or not. Anytime you're advising someone, it's important to keep the control in their hands.

[Linx0r]

Soooo people are not allowed to explain things without people getting triggered and on top of that they are not allowed to kick people? If you waste my time and don't take advise i'm gonna boot you right out of my party because its 3 or more peoples time that you waste.

I'm tired of carrying people through content just because they think that they can do what they want just because they pay a sub. Guess what, the rest of the party also pays a sub.

People can do what they want . I’m just saying that people jump to a negative approach (kicking) rather than maybe stepping up their effort and try to reinforce it with something positive.

[Linx0r]

Did you ask if they wanted advice? The key part of being a mentor is putting yourself out there if they need assistance, but keeping the control in their hands on whether they partake of that assistance or not. Anytime you're advising someone, it's important to keep the control in their hands.

Exactly. Or in learning parties when people get kicked ..I mean they are there to learn, along with everyone else

[ShadowHunterrX]

Did you ask if they wanted advice? The key part of being a mentor is putting yourself out there if they need assistance, but keeping the control in their hands on whether they partake of that assistance or not. Anytime you're advising someone, it's important to keep the control in their hands.

If you are lucky and having a good mentor in your party that is.... most crown owners die before the newbie...

[Jijifli]

Oh another case.

I'm sittin' in Ala Mhigo using my Diversion and still pulling off of the threat in AoE situations from the WAR tank (Who is in 350+, mind you.)

Askin' them to keep threat, harassed because I didn't have a 100% uptime on Diversion, which is impossible. 30 seconds long, 120 second cooldown. Not to mention I'll get the threat during the 30 seconds...

[Pyro2hell3]

I think part of the problem is people that would benefit advice the most are the ones that will ignore/get mad and at any advice no matter how its given which leads to them doing poorly which leads to people trying to give them advice you can probably see where this is going

[MageBlack]

Speaking to your OP, I would say its partly about what you say and how you say it and the other part is how the other person reads it. We interpret text through our own perception, if i'm having a bad day I will interpret "Do you know how to play your job?" as an attack even if it may have been asked in an "i see you struggling, would you like some help" tone of voice. Intonation is lost in text. Even something as simple as adding a single word to that sentence can make it sound more insulting/hostile "Do you even know how to play your job?" so the words you use also matter.

Not knowing how you initiate the advise in particular or the situation that prompted the urge to give advise I cant really give any pointers on how you could approach the situation. What I might be able to suggest is to come up with a stock opener for when you would like to give advise to someone (since you are a mentor you could use that as a way to diffuse the situation before it starts) I'll try to give a few samplers below. Take what you will from it.

"Hi, Ive been a mentor for a long time and I noticed something in your playstyle that you might be able to improve on. Would you like me to share it with you?"

"Oh! (insertnamehere) you are playing my favorite class! That's awesome! Have you been playing it long?
Ah, I see. If you're interested I could share some of the tricks I learned and maybe you could incorporate them into your playstyle"

Something along those lines, the trick is not to make them feel stupid, as soon as you do that people become defensive and will balk at any sort of help you could have given them. The big thing is not to just give advise but ask if they might like some input and if they say no, then dont bother. 90% of the time its a PUG group and you probably wont even see that player again. The tricky part is not knowing the other person at all so you don't know what might be a trigger. Just think back to your real life job and recall the last time some stranger came up to you and started to tell you how to do you job. How did they approach it? How did it make you feel? How did you react? as a mentor, set people up for success and never hold your knowledge over their heads as though you are better than they are (even if it is true). There are many reasons someone may not be preforming at their best, RL distractions, done it a thousand times and doesnt really care, lazy, havent played in a while, just bought a jump potion, or just an asshole who likes to troll through terrible playing. I'll end this with a couple of examples of a less successful way of giving advise.

"Dude, do you even know your rotation? Here, let me give you some advise..."

"You look like you are struggling, I bet if you kept your (buff) up you would do better"

"Why do i keep taking threat? Do you know how to tank?/Need some pointers?"

[ElHeggunte]

I'll say what I always do when this topic comes up: there's no such thing as unsolicited advice. Don't wait for someone to ask, if you see them screwing up repeatedly and you know what they're doing wrong, correct them. No one is going to ask for advice if they think what they're doing is correct. And they'll think what they're doing is correct if no one ever tells them otherwise.

Players are usually "bad" because no one bothers to speak up and set them straight. Either that player is flat out ignorant as to how they should be performing or they're intentionally sandbagging and looking for a carry. Either way, letting them get by on the efforts of the rest of the party is nonsense and unfair to the rest of the group. Offer quick advice. If they take it, great, now there's one less "bad" player in the community. If they blow up on you or otherwise ignore you, kick them from the party because one person's "fun" shouldn't come at the expense of the other 3/7/23 people in the party. Dungeons require team effort and if there's one member whose actions run directly counter to the group's success, they need to shape up or they need to go. Don't just sit there and let them make the party work harder to make up for their shortcomings, regardless of whether they're doing it intentionally or because they don't know any better.

I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall though. This community embraces complacency and mediocrity, thinking that expecting someone to actually put forth basic effort is tantamount to elitism.

[Ilan]

People can do what they want . I’m just saying that people jump to a negative approach (kicking) rather than maybe stepping up their effort and try to reinforce it with something positive.

When you completly mess up and someone explains it to you in a propper and friendly way and you ignore it and/or give an answer like "i can do what i want" i will boot you.

[Tanathya]

Players are usually "bad" because no one bothers to speak up and set them straight.

Players are usually bad because they don't give a flying eff.