Well I'm from Balmung, I'm also an rper so I think I'm qualified to answer your questions. Balmung is over crowded to the point where you can't even get an apartment, so if you want housing of any kind, best find an FC that already has one.
As for RPers, you are NOT expected to participate. If you are rped at, simple use double parenthesis and explain you're not an rper. Generally they will apologize and move on. Double parenthesis denote out of character speech for an rper, while there's a lot of writing styles out there, we've managed agree on using that to show when we are in character and out of character so it's a good tip to keep in mind.
Ul'dah...specifically the Quicksand is always a hotbed of activity for rpers...not always in a good way. To be honest it's really a showcase in some of the worst the server has to offer, our version of WoW's Goldshire Inn on the Moon Guard server.
That being said there are several events you may run into as you wander the world, some of the most notable are The Grindstone which is out by the Coffer and Coin in one of the Thanalans on Saturdays...I believe. It's a huge fighting tournament, often with up to 40 participants and even more just there to watch and cheer. In Limsa on Mondays there's a fighting class. Every month one group organizes a parade in honor of one of the Twelve. So the server is a bit more alive in unexpected places.
There's even a whole crew who rp as the Heavensward NPCs, you can even find a Hauchfant clone running about Coerthas, cheering on and helping lower level players.



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