So hum don't wanna be rude but you seems to be the kind of person i don't like much in DF.

Ok you're new to something, i can understand you wanna do it slowly and safely to achieve the run.
But why wouldn't you try what people are telling you to do ? Just give it a try, ain't working ? Go back slow and small pulls, no problem.

If im healing those dungeons and my tank ain't pull much i would, politely, ask him to do so.
Why ? Because im confident enough in my abilities to keep the party alive and that will just faster the run for everyone, you included.

TLDR: You ran into dumb people but you should also try to do what people are telling you to do, especially if you're tanking and your healer says that you can pull more adds.