Sounds to me like the OP doesn't understand the concept of the hate ceiling that frankly is one of the first things any good DPS learns about an MMO. A good DPS doesn't go balls to the wall every single time they open fire, they work within the limit set by the tank. Hate is a group effort after all, not just for the tank to worry about. If you're pulling hate then wind it in a bit and stop expecting perfection from everyone all the time.
As a BLM main I know this only too well, some tanks can't take my 100% AoE rotation and that can be for many reason, so I wind it in a bit. Others out gear me and then it's fun times but that isn't always the case, if I out gear the tank there isn't always much they can do so I change my approach to try and work with what they've got. Sure, this slows runs down sometimes but it's still a lot faster than a 30 minute penalty followed by another queue.