Let's clear up a few things people are mistaking me saying here.
I'm not saying Ilberd is right, just that he has a point. Or had one, anyway. Contextually speaking it's meant to make you question Thordan VII's intentions (as if we needed any more reason doubt a man who freely admitted to us that he trafficks with the Ascians), but it could be applied to the larger 2.x storyline where everybody's first reaction to a new primal popping up is to throw the Warrior of Light at it. Yes we do get support (mostly in the form of information) and yes we do (arguably) become friends with the Scions over time, but the only reason they brought you in is because Yda and Papalymo / Y'shtola / Thancred thought you would be a useful asset to the organization. Even they show little concern for your well-being, except a little bit from Minfilia here and there, but I think it should be remembered that she is the one leaning on us more often than it is the other way around. (That bit from her after Nabriales' defeat and Moenbryda's death, man, that kinda rustled my jimmies...)
We were emotionally devastated in the wake of the Ul'dah incident, but the point is we were originally brought into the Scions because we were a cool and badass fighter who impressed the local Scion(s), if I recall correctly. That's the point I'm trying to make. (Not sure if valid but servers are down and too tired to wait 8 minutes to check...)
As for Fray, major DRK spoilers, but...
The important thing to remember is that s/he is not bad, dark, evil, mean, or anything else you. Fray is you - the side of your personality you want to repress, that you want to ignore and forget about. While s/he does almost outright cite the Ul'dah incident as a source of PTSD, the main point of the questline is that the Warrior of Light's deepest, darkest wish is simply freedom, but since they come running the instant someone cries for help they will never have it. If we stopped doing every bit and errand for everyone who asks it of us, people in general might learn to solve their own problems and let us deal with the big issues that really need our attention, like Primals and Ascians, and we might be freed of Hydaelyn's yoke sooner.
Now, what does this have to do with Ilberd's comments (that, yes, were directed specifically at us)? Much of Fray's rage in the questline stems from people not leaving you alone and treating you like a tool to solve their problems, which Ilberd also comments on. While Fray does hold more credence as repressed personality traits, Ilberd also commenting on it hit way too close to home for me - kinda like the scene where Loki tells off Black Widow in the first Avengers movie. And, having soldiered through DRK 30-50 before really touching 3.0's story, it was still very fresh in my mind. (Better closure for 2.x than the MSQ delivered as well, IMO.)
As for what we can do without the Scions - we proved in 3.0 that we don't really need them to accomplish great things. We're running with just Alphinaud (largely a diplomat), Tataru (secretary and odd jobs), Yugiri (who may or may not be an official Scion?), and Urianger (who doesn't even show up until the eleventh hour to hand us an Auracite). We do get Y'shtola back and she is helpful, but by that point we've downed two primals, traversed an entire nation and then some, and brought to light truths that had been kept in the dark for a millennium. We accomplished plenty without them, even if we did still have Alphinaud to point the way.
Now, what does this all have to do with Haurchefant? Well, when it comes down to it, Minfilia (and by extension, the rest of the Scions more likely than not) "sacrificed" herself so we could get away since we're "Eorzea's hope." Haurchefant's reason for doing so was just because he didn't want to see us get hurt, which puts him closer to a real friend than one made out of convenience in my book. Yes, we saved Francel for him, but the only reason he couldn't do that was because of his station, and he asks nothing further of us. Haurchefant even brings us cocoa to help cheer us up after the Ul'dah incident! (Cf. the Scions, who give you nothing but meager pay and the tools to tackle the Primal of the week on occasion.)
People do get better about seeing the Warrior of Light as an actual person in 3.0, with Estinien chastising Alphinaud for knee-jerk deciding to throw us at Ravana. He's even worried when we get back, and admits that he's taken our successes for granted thus far, as if he's realizing for the first time we are people and we can die. After the Vault, the Warrior of Light is in almost a perpetual tranquil fury over Haurchefant's death and, even if you don't choose that dialogue option, vowed to avenge him - they're no longer just running on orders or considering what's best for everyone.
P.S. Tenkuu, I apologize if this is "demeaning [your] Scions," but I'm free to state my opinion. Disagree with as you may, that's how I feel.