Quote Originally Posted by Ayuhra View Post
This attitude has actually destroyed the self esteem of some WoW players. [....] One person I know tried healing a Trial for the first time and after seven wipes she was in tears and had to leave even though the rest of the group was trying to encourage her to try again. It's hard to feel good about anything when MMO addons have taught you to see yourself as a number and nothing else.
This game... DPS are often treated as disposable, replaceable, less valued than tanks and healers and it really wears on you. Black mage is the only battle class I've leveled to 50 and I really enjoy playing it, but I often consider leveling a tank or healer so I can be 'useful'. I was actually referred to as a leech during a hunt when they first came out by a jerk of a healer just because I was a dps. Stupid me I apologized and explained it was my only class.

Before I was first told my numbers I generally assumed I wasn't the best but I always tried to be better so I wasn't super bothered. Then I was informed my numbers sucked so I went on journeys like in some 90s movie to speak with the great black mages of the server and figure out in depth what I might be doing wrong. Updated rotations for my increased stats, utilization of less popular actions like aetherial manipulation, really practicing my slide casting for dodging. Informed my numbers are still bad, bottom dps in the group, even beneath some of the heavy dps tanks. I cried. I just felt like quitting the game entirely at that point but I love it (and I've spent a lot of money on it) so I stayed.

In the end my tentatively bad self esteem towards my playing solidified into a crippling fear of playing with certain people (I pugged into a t13 party with like 6 of them and literally started trembling) and constantly apologizing for being bad when I go into a fight I'm newish to. I've been reduced to tears multiple times because of the shame I feel over my apparent inability to play the job I love well. It's even worse now that I'm trying to limp through this convoluted new black mage rotation for boss battles chock full of aoes. It's gotten to the point that I can't believe any compliments on my playing because I'm sure they're only saying them because they can't see the numbers.

Sorry for my stupid post; I'm tired and this new rotation makes me want to apologize for existing every time I pug one of the new fights. Just ignore me.