Unfortunately as a tank (and to some extent a healer) you will be held to a higher level of expectation by other players OP. I'm sure you're already aware of that, and yes it does suck, but there's really not much to be done about it. Your best bet as a fledgling tank is to try and play with friends or FC members to limit your exposure to players that will pick up on the disparity in iLvl. It would indeed help if fewer players were so hostile and impatient though.

Hopefully NINs will be able to assist with this situation going forward in 3.0 since they'll be able to transfer enmity now. I'm interested to see how the community responds to that though as NINs will actually be partially responsible for keeping the tanks on top of the hate list. We might start seeing NINs blamed for tanking fails. :P