Pro tip: Tell me you're new to a dungeon /rant

[NyarukoW]

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On top of that in my experience 95% of all tanks overextend their own abilities or the healers capacity for healing when they speedrun/pull. Very nearly none of them take note of the healers abilities being on cooldown either.

That is so true. This why you want to nip it in the bud, keep the party up but let the speed runner tank die with the mobs. This lets the healer recharge the MP and slow down the speed run. And this choice words you get from tanks that are completely oblivious and inconsiderate of the healers and everyone else:

.... As a tank it drives me absolutely batty to stand there staring at the healer while they chat or just plain do nothing for 30 seconds,

It is called cooldowns. People switch from crafting gathering class when DF queue pops. It takes about 30 seconds for those cooldowns to be ready for things like protect and stoneskin.

... them cast adlo/stone skin/regen/eye for an eye on me right when I aggro mobs so that 2 out of 3 make a beeline for them. They just don't understand how much extra damage I end up taking when I have to double back for strays instead of staying ahead of the pack.

Do NOT run ahead of the packs, slow down, do not run so fast, shield lob, tomahawk and bring the mobs to the group. Spend the time to secure the agro before moving ahead and pulling more and expanding the pull. It is a tank not a kite, you do not want a string of them behind you that you can lose aggro any time and make the healers do heal tanking. If healer do not regen, E4E, adlo, etc. the tank will be dead by the time they get to that 9th mob. Do your aggro generation wait for the healer to catch up to your position and do NOT run all over the place like a chicken without its head, specially don't make that beeline out of healng range and around a corner and out the line of sight for healing and cry about not getting heals. NO single player sets the pace, the group has to move together as one.

As healer I had to compensate for too much of this nonsense too many times and sometimes the best thing you can do is letting the speed runner tank corpse lie there with the dead mob with the rest of party up and getting a breather. This works good as awake up call to slow down and not wipe the party. The speed runner may have the gas pedal but any player can put on the brakes especially the healer.