Being Gendered Correctly

[whiskeybravo]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

[whoopeeragon]

Would you prefer me to call you 'it'?

"Is it back yet?" "Nah, it went to get some water."

I'm just joking, I use "they" as well most of the time, or I just use the name itself. Using the name will eliminate any kind of assumptions/misunderstandings.

[reality_check]

Using the name will eliminate any kind of assumptions/misunderstandings.

No one would ever expect you to completely eliminate the idea of assumptions and misunderstandings. That would be impossible. What people need is your understanding. You can assume that everyone is man in the video game, but if you offend someone, you just have to be willing to apologize and acknowledge that your assumptions may have hit a soft spot for that person.

It's actually a REALLY easy thing to do.

[Themis]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

[Xieveral]

Pick your battles, this one isn't worth it unless you get a thrill out of playing victim.

I know quite a few mtf women in this game and am married to one. None of them become become grossly offended and throw a fit over the assumption they're men. They just state otherwise aren't and leave it at that. If someone wants to be a dick about it and harass them over the fact, they don't get upset, they just blacklist and move on. Why give people that kind of power over you?

Maybe its a maturity thing as I have noticed younger mtf women are more prone to taking offense than older women.

[Souljacker]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

Isn't this kind of thinking antiquated? I can't tell you how many times I have been in a party where someone has been corrected, or how many times I have been corrected when I have made a mistake. In addition - in my decade and a half or so of mmo gaming, I've seen this happen exactly one time. One guy, pretending to be a girl, who took advantage of people. Does it happen? Yep. But I doubt very highly it happens with the frequency you are implying.

I think that trans folks may be more sensitive to it than cis folks are - but I completely understand what the op is saying. Her character is female. Her name is feminine. And believe me, you have a much lower chance of offending someone who playing a female character with a female name by using the feminine pronoun than by using the masculine one. And if it IS someone who identifies as the male gender on the other side of the screen, he will say nah, I'm a dude, I just really dig this Mi'quote's backside - or something equally ridiculous. The point being - he knew when he rolled a female character there was a chance he'd be called she once in a while.

Guys, get used to it. There are more females playing games than EVER before, and they aren't all just "someone's girlfriend". I happen to be female as well, though I realize that I probably should have used the feminine form of the word hero in my character name. Still, because of this I tend to not address it most of the time when I am misgendered - but I'd still like to see things evolve a bit. It's not just you guys anymore.

[whiskeybravo]

Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

[Ehayte]

There are no restrictions regarding what type of character a person can create.

Therefore, there is no restriction on what type of assumptions I'm allowed to make about the person on the other side. I will say "he" or "she" based on the way you act. If I'm wrong, just say something. It is absolutely ASININE to get upset about this.

One of my characters is a Lalafel, and I'm 6'2". I don't feel hurt when someone calls me "shrimp" in-game. YOU ARE NOT YOUR CHARACTER. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY FOR ANYONE TO TELL WHO YOU ARE IN REAL LIFE BASED ON YOUR CHARACTER.

[Souljacker]

All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

I'd agree if it was ambiguous. In the case of the OP, we are talking about a female character, with a female name. Is it really that far a stretch to just call that character a "she"? If the name was something a little more neutral I'd agree every time. All she is saying is if you see someone named Jennifer, go ahead and use the pronoun you'd use if you met someone named Jennifer in real life.

Problem with doing that is Jennifer is male, and does not want you calling him female. I think it's to much work. No matter what you say someone can take offense. At the end of the day it's just not worth all the stress over a pronoun used on the internet. If you know them personally then correcting close friends ect is no problem. But to correct every random? No thank you.

Guess I hit my ten post limit, but I still wish to address this comment.

If a man makes a female character and names her Jennifer, he's going to expect that his character may be misgendered. You then use the correct pronoun after he informs you of his preference. But to say that using the accepted feminine pronoun when confronted with a person named Jennifer is "too much work" - that's an absurd statement. There is just nothing about that statement that even remotely makes sense.

[elreed]

Right now there's too many men that are females in game, so I usually don't care if im playing with a she or he, so im one of those ppls that would refer to you as whatever gender I might catch from your name, im a man and I play a male character, but from what I have read in these forums and saw in the game im part of the minority.

So in short, don't take it too seriously and a good tip from me when you make a character make the nickname in a way that people can catch easily that you are a woman or man, when im doing a dungeon I rarely check other ppls in my party, unless you have a good piece of gear...