*clap clap clap*
Great points op.
Yes it might sound like mmo 101 to some but fact is, these issues persist.
As a BLM myself I know that I sometimes pull aggro. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. But what I have noticed though is that tanks really hate this. I know tanks get yelled at a lot and I understand it feels bad when someone take hate.
But know this, in ffxiv hate management is not a one man job. If you pull hate when the tank is doing his best then maybe you are the one doing it wrong. This is group play people not a dps race on a parser list.
Even if the tank is bad, pulling aggro will just make it harder for him and you will fail more.