Healer/Tank Anxiety - Does it Ever Go Away?

[Jeeqbit]

Absolutely yes! Here's why. At first, I was so anxious I started playing as Dragoon. Quite honestly, I couldn't play Dragoon well in Heavensward, so I continued playing as a tank. My being anxious was reinforced by the people who were rude in level 50 and later 60 dungeons, especially on my first times through the dungeons.

What changed was when I started doing big pulls and pressing Sprint out of battle (for 20s duration) to sprint through the mob packs and AoE them confidently without stopping. It seemed to be what the majority actually wanted and the ones that didn't want it at least didn't ever complain about it (it's been 10 years, they still haven't complained), proving the vast majority of players do appreciate speedruns and their time being respected. Even if they wanted to complain, I'm going too fast and sprinting ahead that if they stop to type, their precious uptime will suffer so they just don't say anything.

As a previous poster said, tanking has become way easier since the time I joined. Most of the things they attacked me for have flat out been removed from the game.

And now if someone was rude, it's different for me: the odds are extremely high that I've played longer, for more hours and done more dungeon runs than anyone who would attack me. So I can't take it seriously anymore. The odds are the person being rude probably started long after me in Stormblood or Shadowbringers, so I just flat out have more experience than them.

As for healing, I was a little anxious at first because I was required to heal to unlock PLD back in ARR. Conjurer involved actually casting GCDs to heal frequently up to level 30, and while leveling dungeons hit hard and require more healing, it was... not really very hard. The incoming damage was usually pretty slow. Back then you had to use Cleric Stance which carried the anxiety of being locked in it and unable to heal at a critical moment. That was removed, and one of the main reasons to be anxious removed with it.

Moreover, because tanks have been made easier to play, most of them can survive or heal or defend themselves (or even the party) when the healer isn't there (a lot of people think tanks are too powerful now). But this gives you even less reason to be anxious.

Remember, healing has always been a partnership between the tank and the healer, so if the tank dies it's not just your fault, it's both of you that didn't get it right. The tank can carry 75% of the burden (lots of mit, self-heals, invuln, kiting, etc), the healer can carry 75% of the burden (spamming heal/shield casts excessively) or you can carry 50% of the burden each. (Or a Warrior can carry 100% of the burden in high level dungeons now but let's ignore this for now 'cause other tanks exist.) DPS are part of the partnership as well in that if they don't kill things fast enough, tanks could exhaust their best cooldowns and struggle, but with how the game has changed this is much less likely to be an issue.

Now, very, very rarely, you might somehow slip up and someone dies while you're healing. Guess what happens? You just respawn and try again. That's how FFXIV works. Everyone knows that in FFXIV, if you wipe in a dungeon, you will almost certainly clear it on the second try so there's no point in making a fuss. If someone is rude to you, you can just report them. If they said something that made you feel hurt and you are dwelling on it, that's a sign it's actionable by the GMs.

Also, when you get matched into a dungeon via a roulette, 99% of the time you are being matched to someone who queued directly. Usually, this direct queue happened because it's their first time. Often this first timer is a tank or a healer and a sprout/returner. In other words, new and anxious tanks/healers are the norm in dungeons and people are used to them.

[CVXIV]

It just takes time and practice
What's important is to have fun and do your best
Don't be afraid to mess up or do things suboptimally

I'd also like to encourage pushing yourself when it comes to tanking to see what you can handle
Arm's length and reprisal are great tools to use

[IDontPetLalas]

When you first start out as a healer or a tank, you will feel some anxiety. You will also, find that reason, probably panic and/or start using some bad habits, especially at early levels, when you don't have all of your skills- for example, as a healer- it isn't necessary to spam medica, nor to keep your eyes glued to a tank, nor to "babysit" the DPS, in many situations, but when you're new, you may do they a lot- and that's fine.

I could provide examples for tanks as well, the point is that everyone as seen a tank or healer do something that is "wrong" and generally people will bear with it/make a helpful suggestion. i would just add that other than the most difficult content, it's gotten more and more difficult to really mess up as a tank.

[Zairava]

The thing with both tanking and healing anxiety is that exposure therapy will be your best therapy. As you do it more and more you will gradually be able to do it better and handle more mobs thanks to having more experience.

Coming from someone who's generally horrible at healing in mmo's, it's really easy in this game. Your resources are minimal starting out but you get so many over time that you might not even need all of them entering a DF dungeon.

[Avoidy]

Tanking nervousness goes away when you hit a certain level and gain lots of mits/sustain and realize that tanks in the sort of content you're referring to are basically immortal. Like, you're a warrior, so you can do like the last warrior I healed did and rack up 8 vulns and still be fine; meanwhile, the off tank who has 2 vulns (still bad, but considerably better than eight) refuses to take over because OTs are eating crayons. Legit just turn your stance on, stand north, and if you're in an alliance raid and 3 adds suddenly come out just grab the one corresponding to your letter (A, B, C, with A being the west side, B being the middle, and C being the east side generally) and pull it away from the other two. When you're in dungeons, just grab the stuff and once your hp slips just press bloodwhetting. Congrats, you're better than like 95% of the randoms I meet in DF.

For healing anxiety, idk man. Every time I tell myself "screw it, I'll heal" and heal a random group in some normal mode story content, they play so badly that healing it feels like healing some day 1 EX and I'm just sitting there grumbling and cursing the entire time because it's story mode stuff that shouldn't be this bad. Like, people at level 100 will get up, burn their res invuln immediately, and then die again all in the span of one second. How, fam. Or tanks at cap will die, come back, and not realize they don't have aggro even when people are begging them to provoke in the chat. I seriously hate healing. It's like babysitting morons for 12 minutes. And even when things go great, the actual kit/rotation is boring af so you're just mashing 1 button the entire time. There is a reason nobody wants to do it. I think the frustration around it goes away when you make friends with good players and cut out all the baddies in your life, but even then you have to perform some weapon-grade copium to deal with how boring it is to just spam glare 24/7.

[Gurgeh]

Yes, but I think it requires a different mind set for each role. Or a different mind set helps for each. XIV was my first MMO, and every dungeon terrified me. And actually I think a lot of players take 'grossly' for granted just how much experience they have. Sastasha is not at all easy, when 'nothing' you are doing comes without thinking, and its a struggle just to keep track of if you've accidentally turned your stance off.

Rule #1 , if its dungeon, its casual content, and noone has got any right to be butt hurt that the party wiped, or butt hurt you didn't speed run it. If they want to do it 100% their own way, they can always solo it. Upsets are precious 'too' few and dungeons are boring enough as it is. If they don't like it then will have to recruit a static of people to run dungeons with that come up to their 'Standards'. (you gotta have emotional issues to be getting frustrated with dungeon progress. I mean that seriously.)

Suggestion #1 Be kind to yourself. What I mean is, if your not comfortable, maybe stick to your 'main' tank. Or stick to your 'main' healer, before picking up the next, however long that is. If you do pick up a job again after while, try saying "sorry, bit rusty at GNB, or bit rusty at SCH". If your tank then wall to walls, twice in a row and you wipe twice in a row they are 1 supremely shit tank. Just bad at the job. A good tank can read the healer and adjust the pace. And know when they have screwed up on their mitties or pulled a little to much and apologise. Blame yourself before others. (Most people are not #1 world first ultimate player, and should never assume everyone without a sprout has a lot of experience)
And if picking up the job maybe pick your instances to teach yourslef the actions one at a time lvl 15 lvl20 lvl 32 etc...

[Astronis]

I was a bit anxious when I started tanking at first too. It does abate after you get confident in your kit.

In short, as a tank, you are the prettiest princess at this ball.

I love this. Tanks are the God Kings of the Dungeons, Masters of the Lands, Controllers of Everything...while the healers are quietly herding all the cats and letting tanks THINK they are the masters of the lands and the god kings of the dungeons.

I say that as a tank main.

It helps a lot if you enjoy that aspect of the roles, without being a jerk about it to other players. Tanks are the Main Character. Healers pet tanks on the head and let them think that while they wrangle all the other monkeys in the circus.

[Gurgeh]

Tank

Get used to using your map. (if that means opening it and closing it often, positioning properly, or ideally keeping it open all the time if your screen allows)

• Don't pull larger than 'you' are comfortable with.
  If someone else pulls for you, doesn't matter if that's lvl 100, and you die, they need to be SUPER chill that you wiped because its 100% their fault before anyone else's. Only the healer has the right to pull for you, and they'll have no right to complain if you then die or are your fumble taking agro back. A good healer is also a passable Tank, and if thats the case they can read how solid your mitigation probably is before pulling on your behalf. If DPS pull they might have judged you and the healer well, that's fine. If DPS pull and the party wipes, they've got some apologizing to do.
  
• ALL the rest you can learn through experience as long as that takes.
  Do talk to people and ask questions, maybe even "tips welcome" helps. I'll pick one technical tip though, better to run out of mitties than not use them, at the same time, don't stack them, unless you know you know how.
  If all else fails... blame the healer (just not out loud, Tank privilege is real and should brook no limits! And play a proper party tank not that WAR trash.)
  
• For Raids, don't be afraid to say "First time tanking X" or "I've have no memory of this place...".
  Eventually though it might be asking too much of yourself to not be nervous if you haven't checked a guide to work out why you keep dying on that boss in Weeping City.
  I only once had someone say "you should now it before tanking", well you don't pay my sub and Alliance is casual content. D-head. only once saw that. Extreemes/savage if it doesn't say "blind prog" then yes. That's different.
  Do read a guide though if its stressing you. Everyone got a right to blind prog it at least once though. And frankly more before using a guide. (guides are why Extreemes are tedious, personally) If MTQ's video guides make you feel stupid, your not alone, far from actually a lot of people feel the same. I don't want to be mean to MTQ but seriously don't use them if they are no good for you.
  
• Final Power Tip 'Do' 'practice' tab targeting.
  Its realy useful. Makes tanking 100% easier once you've got it licked, and you'll feel like a pro, even if no-one else feels you are.
  
  The only real sin a tank can be guilty of of spinning the boss and fighting for aggro. Work out who's main tank, unless you have an ego you'll be offtank 75% time but that's fine. Raids and Trials don't do that shit.
  
  Having your stance up indicates your want to main tank. So maybe take it off if your nervous.

[Alice_Rivers]

The only real sin a tank can be guilty of of spinning the boss and fighting for aggro. Work out who's main tank, unless you have an ego you'll be offtank 75% time but that's fine. Raids and Trials don't do that shit.

This is very true, in Alliance Raids and in most normal multi-tank content, you have to be A tank, you don't necessarily have to be THE tank unless the others die. But equally, if both other tanks die in an alliance raid then SIX healers have failed to do their jobs and should be ashamed of themselves.

[Moqi]

You're a DPS with more defensive/healing abilities for the most part. It really isn't that much different than other jobs now that all MP/aggro/position management is basically gone.