Should both sides first response to either a liking or or a disliking of something not be heavily loaded with dickishness? Yes. Yet I'd hope you'd agree that both sides should also not try to justify said dickishness with how they have been treated in the past or present from outside areas having the same discussions.
As that normally is how threads or forums quickly devolve into entrenched toxic mud flings where even those who try to trudge out into no man's land in hopes to find solid footing in hopes it can become a fresh starting place also get the diskishness. Should both sides also respond to any disagreement as said person doing the disagreement just shot your dog? Heck no. Yet we all know that's happened more times than there than most would care to count. Or that just because a person in either camp might like or dislike something it shouldn't mean that is how they feel about the whole meal.
Let's take Brinne's wife as an example. For me I was just glad that she didn't have to give up her womb when she sought out more power as what tend to happen to women in fiction who seek to gain powerful magic or whatever have to loose the ability to have kids or a family and have to grow ice cold, cruel and heartless. Or that she secretly was the good one but Lahabreha imprisoned or as we found out killed her cause she got in the way of his ambition or was going to whistle blow on the shady stuff he was doing. How she ended up just comes off as meh for me. I didn't see her as a bad or good character from a writing standpoint, I guess. Meanwhile I still don't know how I feel about Lahabreha. Did I learn more about him? Yeah but for me at least he still felt kinda the same as to the one we had already met. Did Themis being part of the in the present part of the 3rd act bother me? A little cause I don't know how Athena pulled off whatever it is she did to pop him into the setting. But that didn't kill my enjoyment of the story or the fights. I think that if he was left out with when they placed most of the setting in for the 3rd act it'd feel strange to do so. And now I'm pretty sure I'm just rambling.