I'm sorry you have had a rough time. Take this time to kinda work on yourself. I think a relationship works best when you love yourself and where you are at and then they ADD to that joy. They should never be the one and only reason you feel like life is good.
I've only really dated 2 people and that 2nd one I wouldn't really count cause I was just feeling kinda broken after the end of the first one. Once I took some time to really think about why it ended I saw that I was a major reason why it failed. I needed to grow up. It was so easy to blame her but I was the issue. We were together for 6 years and that's a long time for someone in their teens to their 20s. People change a lot during that time...and I did change a lot and not for the better. She saw that and as much as it hurt her to do so she had to let me go.
Since that time I've matured greatly. I love who I am and life is really good. I think taking some time away from trying to be in a relationship and just self improve would do wonders for your outlook on people and relationships. Once you are the best version of yourself you'll find you'll attract people without even trying because people can just sense stability and maturity with how people just react to things.