Given the join date of 2014, it looks like we've been playing for roughly the same amount of time. Here's a serious, non-trolling, question: Why haven't you realized this game is for "casuals"? This has never been a "srs bsns raiding" game like WoW and others before it. Yes, we've had raids, and in general I would say the ARR raids were more difficult for the time than the current non-Savage/Ultimate ones are for this time. I did a lot of raiding in Vanilla and TBC and when coming to XIV, I quickly realized that the instanced content was never going to be as challenging as WoW. To be frank, I appreciated that and it's what's kept me coming back over and over.
This is a game for casuals, is designed around casual play, and will always be that way. If the high-end content here isn't what you'd like, it would probably be best to play XIV casually and find your challenges in different content, such as Mythic+ or the equivalent in other titles.
You mention this is turning into an Asian Grinder. For one, it's certainly Asian, no denying that. Secondly, when have Final Fantasy games NOT been grindy? Seriously, in the single player games, in order to continue along the story, there are times when you have to grind to get levels and improve gear before being able to defeat the next "tier" of enemies or boss. Furthermore, FF games provide so much side content or things like Materia to be leveled up that it's clear players are meant to grind if they want to 100% complete everything.
Regarding FATES: They're the best way for SE to introduce individual content for things like seasonal events as well as provide something to do in the wild. Tying things like relic improvement to FATEs gives a player the ability to solo their upgrade in their own time at their own pace. On top of that, they're the best way to make sure the player is challenged by them since they require level synch. Clearing 60 FATES in 45 minutes at max level trivializes relic upgrades.
Relic weapons should never, ever, in no way shape or form, be exclusively tied to raids or high-end dungeons. I know many people who have valid reasons for not raiding or running EX/SVG/ULT content so regular dungeons and FATEs represent a fair amount of game play and means to do things like relic upgrades.
No, I don't enjoy running the same dungeons 100+ times, so I don't do it. I find other things that I enjoy doing and do them instead. If there's nothing I feel like doing at that time, I stop and do something in the real world.
It sounds like you're trying to "finish" the game. Completing all content and collecting everything in this game is the path to madness. You should realize that you'll get burnt out and frustrated with a game like this if you try to do everything. I get the impression this is exactly what's happened to you. Try taking a break until EW drops to clear your head and refresh your enjoyment of the game.
I'll say it again, it looks like you need to find a different game to meet your need for challenging content. This one isn't and will never be that.