I'm gonna say something unpopular: I don't like to rush.

[Nestama]

This I can get behind, though I'm still not fond of the idea of being like "hey tank here's some extra stuff for you to do and you better do it or you're bad!". It really isn't that hard to ASK someone to do something before you just force them to do it. Party chat exists for a reason. Why not use it?

I think one reason why people don't ask is because they're unsure how someone will act. Asking if a tank could pull more kinda falls in line with asking DPS to AoE, or a Healer to DPS. Sometimes you'll get lucky and either get a "sure thing!" or no response at all, but a clear indication that they're willing to do what you asked... but then there's the chance you'll get the high and mighty privileged "don't tell me what to do!" people and some of us have seen this enough times that it feels like it's better to just throw the person into the deep end of the pool first and then see whether they were okay with it, or they'd prefer it if people didn't do that.

[Alleluia]

I think one reason why people don't ask is because they're unsure how someone will act. Asking if a tank could pull more kinda falls in line with asking DPS to AoE, or a Healer to DPS. Sometimes you'll get lucky and either get a "sure thing!" or no response at all, but a clear indication that they're willing to do what you asked... but then there's the chance you'll get the high and mighty privileged "don't tell me what to do!" people and some of us have seen this enough times that it feels like it's better to just throw the person into the deep end of the pool first and then see whether they were okay with it, or they'd prefer it if people didn't do that.

You could also just get a calm. "No." and have to accept it.

[Penthea]

... but then there's the chance you'll get the high and mighty privileged "don't tell me what to do!" people and some of us have seen this enough times that it feels like it's better to just throw the person into the deep end of the pool first and then see whether they were okay with it, or they'd prefer it if people didn't do that.

I don't consider this a good reason to just do whatever you want without asking. This argument is essentially "I do something rude first just in case the other person might be rude to me if I ask them about it instead". That's some damn selfish logic.