XIV is behind other MMOs in how they handle gear and costumes. With the other games I play (XI, AA, GW2), gear will automatically just change based on whatever gender your character is. No need to buy two separate versions. It's quite nice, XIV should give that a go.

As far as a customer service standpoint, I've gotta say I was spoiled by how BDO handles their cash shop purchases. You can contact them within a few days with just about all shop purchases, and they will refund you, no questions asked. You can try on outfits, wear them for a day, decide you hate it, and get a refund. It was completely unexpected when I played, but it was SO nice. XIV should also give that a shot. :3