Expectations are ruining this game

[MOZZYSTAR]

I can relate to the fiance. I want to try my hand at tanking, but I know I'll get shat on for fucking up in trials or alliance. Dungeons, so far, haven't been so bad but in alliance or trials? People can get really nasty if a tank messes up. I know most dungeons and raids like they're the back of my hand at this point, and I'm typically OK with running any dungeon as tank provided I have my favourite healer, otherwise I only do ones I'm very comfortable with, like Wanderer's Palace. But Alliance? Even though I know those ones so well, I'm not confident about tanking with multiple tanks, knowing tank mechs, etc. So, I really can't bring myself to do those.

I do like blind runs, though. I absolutely hate it when people try to spoil the mechs for me by going "OK U DO THIS AND THAT" without asking if I want instructions first. So, I make sure to do dungeons and raids and trials when they're brand new as a non-tank class. Then, later on, I may do redo the dungeons as a tank. I think most of the parties I've been with are fine with blind runs, but you get the occasional bad apple who doesn't. :/

I think the issue with expectations are more community based than game based. (I do let people know that I'm new to tanking or never tanked X before, etc. and they're usually chill about it after I let them know that.)

[Leigaon]

It is expected to get people like that who get upset if you don't do the dungeon in the exact method that they are use to.

Half of it is like what people said, letting the party know you're new. Half the time, people will be fine with it. The other half will get annoyed, and really it's about communication and how people want to react to one another. I take long breaks and took a long one with 4.0, came back and wanted to jump back into tanking. I went into a dungeon and would say "It's been a while so I don't remember everything 100%"

I would get mixed messages from "Np I don't remember this much either." to "It's fine, just pull to the wall and we'll be okay." or if I don't pull all the way because no one said anything and I guessed wrong, I get yelled it for being a horrible person that's wasting their valuable time. It's the way they react to it and it will force the person to respond back, either in a nicer way where they feel comfortable and hopefully perform better or if you get the nasty one you kinda go "If there wasn't internet between us I'd $#@$ you with my tea cup."

I've seen people mid-way, they go in blind and when they get to a boss they ask if there's anything important that would make them wipe that they should know. Some are fine with it and say what to look for, others flip their lids and break into a riot.

But Alliance? Even though I know those ones so well, I'm not confident about tanking with multiple tanks, knowing tank mechs, etc. So, I really can't bring myself to do those.

I would definitely encourage you to keep trying. You get to a point where they yell at you and you need to be honest with yourself. If you're trying, showing improvement to at least some degree, then you should feel good about yourself. You're not going to get there as fast as the player who takes two days off, youtubes their videos and runs the game non-stop. It may take you a week, while it takes me two weeks. You'll run into people who are fine with you learning so long as you're trying to people who demand perfection and this is their sad way of life.

Even simple mechanics can be hard to come by with some people, there's usually some sort of missing link to make it all click. Once you find that, you're good to go. If someone isn't being offensive towards you and trying to help, take the help. We all need help sometime in every aspect of life. Then again, there's nothing wrong with someone being a complete douche and saying "How about you leave or say something productive you little thunder-^#$%" In the end they're just people over the internet, some who act out more than they do in real life because they can.

[Delily]

I can relate to the fiance. I want to try my hand at tanking, but I know I'll get shat on for fucking up in trials or alliance. Dungeons, so far, haven't been so bad but in alliance or trials? People can get really nasty if a tank messes up. I know most dungeons and raids like they're the back of my hand at this point, and I'm typically OK with running any dungeon as tank provided I have my favourite healer, otherwise I only do ones I'm very comfortable with, like Wanderer's Palace. But Alliance? Even though I know those ones so well, I'm not confident about tanking with multiple tanks, knowing tank mechs, etc. So, I really can't bring myself to do those.

You're overthinking this. Seriously. You join a raid, a trial, or a random dungeon, and what's the worst that happens? Some people will call you means names and vote kick. In 4 years of tanking, I can count on one hand how often that has happened to me. Even now, I'll commonly forget mechanics. I just tell people "my bad, I forgot" and we move on.

[Awha]

You're overthinking this. Seriously. You join a raid, a trial, or a random dungeon, and what's the worst that happens? Some people will call you means names and vote kick. In 4 years of tanking, I can count on one hand how often that has happened to me. Even now, I'll commonly forget mechanics. I just tell people "my bad, I forgot" and we move on.

I agree 100%. If people want to try something they try it, just go in understanding that you have the chance to run into many different types of players some will understand, others will not. If as a new player you run into someone that you view as overly harsh take just chalk that up to a random chance encounter, now if you run into the same reaction many times then maybe it is time to take a look at how you are doing things.

I get it negative experiences tend to leave a lasting impression but generally I do honestly believe if people really thought long and hard and tallied up each negative experience against the positive / neutral ones unless as a player your behavior or play is not substantially below the standard deviation of the general population of players the positive and neutral experiences would be far greater. This community is far from as "toxic" as some make it out to be, if unless by "toxic" people mean apathetic.

[Vahlnir]

I agree 100%. If people want to try something they try it, just go in understanding that you have the chance to run into many different types of players some will understand, others will not. If as a new player you run into someone that you view as overly harsh take just chalk that up to a random chance encounter, now if you run into the same reaction many times then maybe it is time to take a look at how you are doing things.

This is something I've had to do while easing myself back into tanking after like, 10 years. I've done enough content in this game through the years that I generally have an idea as to how most fights work, even though I've been a dps up until Shadowbringers. Honestly? The best way to get over this is to jump in with both feet without hesitation, and keep doing it. I know I may mess up, and I also know that some people will be more or less accepting than others, but that's part of the learning process and part of playing an MMO. If I do mess up I just apologize, shrug it off and not repeat the same mistakes twice if I can help it. I don't think I'm doing too bad. Haven't had any complaints, anyway, which I see as a good thing.