About: Dungeon "anxiety", Being afraid of failing or getting back into the game

[Valdima]

Eugh. If only I could be so.. brave or confident I guess is the word.

I hate dealing with people. Mostly at all. Being social has always been difficult, even if it is just online.

Now pair that with being a tank main by choice, and you've got me with the constant unshakable feeling of being watched at all times and judged harshly for any slight, small, neigh unnoticeable imperfection. It gets worse if they address me, my emotions tend to fly everywhere then. Its better with my wife neph at my side, but its still the same.

Tie all that to the fact I'm always worried I'm actually terrible at DRK. I don't know how good I am at my chosen class and I don't care to know. It never mattered to me. I just want to play the things I enjoy. But I'll always get that moment when I doubt myself and The only person I speak to verbally anymore is neph. I can't go off of what neph says, she just wants me to feel better so she'll say anything. She always brings up those times I nearly solo'd a boss after everyone else died or did something that saved the run, but all I can think of was that it was mere luck.


In the end I'm starting to annoy myself. We could've completed havensward sooner than we did, but After a few dungeons a day I'd just become a ball of stress and non-motovation and we'd stop for a while. Sames happening with stormblood. I hate it. I wish I could just have fun but all I see are eyes glaring at me.

[Gemina]

Is this whole thing about "tank-anxiety", "dungeon-anxiety", heal-anxiety",... a modern new trend now?
Saw posts and threads like this more often in the last few weeks, but this never was a big thing like a year ago

It's trendy if players were to use it as an excuse to behave and play in a manner that doesn't even come close to the general expectations of someone in DF. For example: A player queueing as a tank to reduce/eliminate wait time, can't hold aggro for crap, and then says they have tank-anxiety.

Those who truly have issues don't even really make it known to everyone else. They either don't queue at all, or will only go into content with people they know and trust. Some will withdraw from the queue once it pops, essentially chickening out. They also have a tendency to go so above and beyond what is expected of them that they easily outperform the average player even though they feel like they aren't playing well at all. They overmeld leveling gear, practice on a dummy for hours on end, study a guide 5-10 times before going into the content, etc. Even then, they are still not comfortable and their hearts are racing like crazy.

Maybe you guys should play single player games, if you don't like to play with others?
It's just a game, you won't die in RL, if you die in a Dungeon o:
There is nothing bad about failing, just learn from it

It's not that they don't like playing with others. As of matter of fact, they actually enjoy it very much, and that's why they chose the mmo format. They just have difficulty. Resorting to single player games isn't the answer for them, and telling them it's just a game and to not worry about failing doesn't help at all. It's very dismissive and shows you have absolutely no clue how their mind works. They already know it's a game and there is no danger of them actually dying. They are their own worst enemy.

The way to overcome this fear and anxiety is to face it. They have to queue for the DF without the safety net of their friends and FC mates and allow themselves to put their hard work to practice. When they do, there probably isn't anyone better or more understanding you can have in your PUG.

[Ceridwenae]

Just coming off the back of Gemina's post with a hack job of a post I made the other week in a thread about the upcoming trust system, edited a little for clarity:

I actually have social anxiety. Playing games such as this is recommended for social anxiety, but that doesn't mean you automatically are able or want to partake of grouped content. Some days that's actually really hard.

Also, sometimes my family isn't playing and then I definitely don't want to do higher level, more stressful content with a bunch of people I don't know, particularly when I'm not as familiar with the instance as I'd like. Trusts could help me become more familiar with that content at my own comfort level, and then I can take a leap, if I feel ready, to run stuff with real people. I'd like it to be extended back over as many previous dungeons as possible for this reason.

Playing games helps me get outside of my brain in a way that I can forget about the anxiety, even just for a bit and I actually enjoy dungeons a lot. I just have a heap of baggage I drag around with me, some days more than other days. It's not really reasonable to expect other people who aren't aware of this to put up with it if I have a fail moment in a dungeon. Believe me when I say, it can take me a ridiculously long time to learn some stuff. You want me to put other people who I don't know under that kind of boring annoyance when they really just wanted their 15-20 minutes running through something? Hardly seems fair to them!

And yeah, people have said to me before I shouldn't play MMOs because of social anxiety (and also photosensitive epilepsy* which I have!), but those people don't know jack. When you have a condition like this, you have to meet it face-to-face, and confront the hell out of it. Even if it's one inch at a time. Even if some days you fall right back down. You keep at it and keep at it and keep at it. It may never fully go away, but those moments in game when you do actually achieve something you didn't think possible before or gave you a hard time, those moments are all the sweeter for it.

In short: Never give up! Never surrender OR

"Dormammu, I've come to bargain."

* admittedly back in the day playing games could get me killed dead for real. Not so much anymore, though I still have to pick my games wisely.

I would posit anxiety, dungeon woes, tanxiety, etc., is something you hear about more often now because the audience for gaming has never been so varied. Technically, this is a good thing, and to quote myself again from one of my other posts in that trusts thread, "there's room on this ride for everyone." Just sometimes you need to wiggle around in the seat a little, make sure the lala has a booster cushion, or something.

[Gemina]

…

I hate it. I wish I could just have fun but all I see are eyes glaring at me.

Oh, you mean this...



I know. Believe me, I do. If I miss a mob during a pull, and have to voke it off if it that player I immediately feel like a failure. Constant questions going through my head: Am I pulling too much? Not enough? Does the healer hate me? Should I do a ready check/countdown, or will they just be annoyed by it? Am I going the right way? Should I check their gear at the start, or will they be bothered that I am taking too long to hit the gas peddle?

Since you have spent a fair amount of time playing other jobs, you should have a good grasp on what is typically expected of DF tanks. Try to remember this when you are doing the tanking. Your party members for the most part are not evaluating your performance to the extent that you are. I know that this can be hard, but it is true whether you can come to terms with it or not.

You will gain a ton of confidence by facing the anxiety head on, without a safety net. That is when you will have tanking down and enjoy it the way you would like to.

[NosamKin]

Those who truly have issues don't even really make it known to everyone else. They either don't queue at all, or will only go into content with people they know and trust. Some will withdraw from the queue once it pops, essentially chickening out. They also have a tendency to go so above and beyond what is expected of them that they easily outperform the average player even though they feel like they aren't playing well at all. They overmeld leveling gear, practice on a dummy for hours on end, study a guide 5-10 times before going into the content, etc. Even then, they are still not comfortable and their hearts are racing like crazy.

I didn't realize you were in the same room watching me
The above more or less sums it up. The part about the chickening out is true. Did swallows compass the other day - "I'm new at tanking this dungeon" was about all I said at the beginning. Sweaty palms, hands shaking so bad I can hardly push the buttons. But then got coms and "good job" when it was done. So I did that one again, and again, ...

[Gemina]

I didn't realize you were in the same room watching me

I'm a healer. It's my job to watch over and take care of everyone! xD

[Enla]

I get pretty severe anxiety when it comes to tanking. My main class on this character was Warrior during HW but several incidents during that expansion's raid cycle made me lose confidence in playing it and now I generally have to queue with a friend if I want to even attempt it. Healing? No problem at all. I'm a mountain of salt that cannot be moved and that is okay making and admitting to my mistakes. DPS? Not my main bag but since you generally get ignored as a DPS I feel comfortable playing it and learning my rotations as I go. Only with tanking do I get this anxiety, even though logically I know that it's probably less intimidating overall than healing.

Once I'm finished with SAM and NIN I'm going to try leveling PLD to 70 and see if I can't get over some of it. Because I really do want to be able to play all three roles again.

[Sandoria]

What a beautiful story; One I think a lot of us can relate to. I took almost a full year off the game and coming back was strange and bewildering at times. If you enjoyed your adventures before and got to place where you were comfy, you'll get there again. Start with some easier goals and work your way up. Whenever you're feeling anxious or doubty about your abilities, remember there's always people like me in Eorzea who play on a toaster and have the internet from hell. There are times my ISP makes me yearn for the happier days of 56k. If I can make it *mostly* unscathed through the dungeons, the randoms will be absolutely relieved to get YOU instead.

[MrKusakabe]

First of all:
I want to say thank you to all the contributors in this thread.

That you took your valuable time and added your experience and insight to this matter.

I work in retail, and I am the department chief of the fresh produce of a large grocery chain, we have 4,000-6,000 customers a day. I've seen a lot of attitudes and characters in my 11 years in my profession. Not only that, I have 4 employees "below" me in the hierarchy which I lead. With "anxiety in a video game" I do not talk about actual health problems. But as soon as this "Chingggg" comes up that a duty has been found - I am suddenly becoming very nervous..

About this thread:

Wasn't expecting that much information, but it's there. Sometimes very open, some posters were more inbetween the lines. It was a bit of patting on my back, a few helping hands, some very assuring posts, a few posts were tickling my "get over it!" genes. All is here, what a great mix. This is what I want from a discussion forum - else I'd search for an echo chamber.

I want to conclude this now without responding to each one of you individually as this blows up the thread more and doubles the amount of actual posts. I had an absolute blast the last days! Everything and everyone was there: The pissed tank, the rage-quitter, the absolutey worst healer that did not speak a word English. Then there was that flawless group, the funny dragoon and the grateful archer newbie that we helped via Roulette.

And, oh my gosh, after playing Guild Wars 2 for that long, I really feel like home here. While I love the Asura (and Mascu, and Yordles, and.. well, all midgets!), being back to my Lalafell is great fun.

And Red Mage? Well, to make it short, and to say it as calm as I can: I had an absolutely-f§@#ing-blast!! You know that feel when you play a character or a profession and it just is exactly what you wished? Where even the flaws are covered because you like it so much? Well, this is Red Mage to me. And I am just an apprentice, a bloody beginner. But man...

Wait, why am I tell you this? He can tell you about his first dungeons that caused so much anxiety! Zed! ZED!! Come!
Zedek: [Background voice] Hold on a minute!
Me: Come here already. Come! Don't stand in the door. Here, to the computer!
Zedek: Don't push me. Hey!! Don't!!
Me: Come on! Here! Tell them!
Zedek: Telling what? Who?
Me: *Ugh* To forum members. About your first duties after returning?
Zedek: Why would I-
Me: Don't be a d..k mate. You made the people come over your issues a bit, so you can tell them at least what the outcome was!! Here! The keyboard!
Zedek: Fine then. [Has trouble climbing onto my wingchair]
Me: Did you just flip me off?
Zedek: Silence, I am recalling the events...


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[DevonEllwood]

Those who truly have issues don't even really make it known to everyone else. They either don't queue at all, or will only go into content with people they know and trust. Some will withdraw from the queue once it pops, essentially chickening out.

This is definitely me. I honestly though I am just being stupid, but this is my issue every time I tank. I also have this issue posting anywhere online I'm constantly asking myself if I'm going to be misunderstood and end up deleting most of what I write because I found something I don't like about it.

The way to overcome this fear and anxiety is to face it. They have to queue for the DF without the safety net of their friends and FC mates and allow themselves to put their hard work to practice. When they do, there probably isn't anyone better or more understanding you can have in your PUG.

I have a friend and they pretty much became my "safety blanket" for pretty much everything in this game. They ended up quitting and I was considering it too, even though I got a house in game. I decided I wanted to keep playing and eventually found my own fun in Eureka. Then BA came out and I wanted the mount. After pretty much freaking out over not knowing how discord worked and not wanting to ask in the BA discord, I ended up just spending an hour reading up on discord and how it worked. I got myself set up and joined party the next day. To say I was nervous was an understatement and I was pretty sure I was going to throw up.

Everyone was nice on the discord and even my "hearing" problems weren't an issue since people stayed quiet for call outs. I got my clear on April 1st and it might not seem like much, but it was a massive accomplishment for me.

I still chicken out when going into dungeons though. I still have not been able to tank one by myself.