The Many Deaths of Final Fantasy XIV

[Alucard135]

Cactuar is proud of you, OP.

[Arazehl]

You know you can do any of the primal fights with Echo turned off now. Also with minimum ilevel. I'm not sure your point in typing that laundry list. I didn't read all that because it would have made my head hurt. Regardless, my point is if you're going to compile a list, might ought to do some research on certain facts.

[Violyre]

You know you can do any of the primal fights with Echo turned off now. Also with minimum ilevel. I'm not sure your point in typing that laundry list. I didn't read all that because it would have made my head hurt. Regardless, my point is if you're going to compile a list, might ought to do some research on certain facts.

Each numbered thing is a product of the time it was added. That specific one, people complained before the knowledge that you could turn it off.

I started with 10, which that one was in, and those were made out of historical issues.

You might want to research the purpose of this thread.

[Valkyrie_Lenneth]

You know you can do any of the primal fights with Echo turned off now. Also with minimum ilevel. I'm not sure your point in typing that laundry list. I didn't read all that because it would have made my head hurt. Regardless, my point is if you're going to compile a list, might ought to do some research on certain facts.

It's satire. Maybe you should read it before complaining.

[Gula]

It's satire. Maybe you should read it before complaining.

Passive aggressive level: 99

[Selova]

You know you can do any of the primal fights with Echo turned off now. Also with minimum ilevel. I'm not sure your point in typing that laundry list. I didn't read all that because it would have made my head hurt. Regardless, my point is if you're going to compile a list, might ought to do some research on certain facts.

This is probably where you should have stopped, taken a step back and realized that this entire thread is satirical.

[SahreeYurblu]

Love this thread. Looking forward to the update. Raubahn Savage in particular.

[Violyre]

Time for the big FIVE ZERO. You’ve waited for over two years now, and there’s only one topic that can fit! It’s skipped Heavensward and Stormblood, and skipped right to Shadowbringers! That’s right, you know what it is!

50. It’s an Expansion, Not a DLC!

I’m kidding. Welcome to the thread. We do funny stuff here.

But it’s still a special occasion! So welcome to the very first multi-paragraph death! With a super size side of salt!

50. The End of the World as We Know It

At the North American Fanfest, there were three major things announced within the first hour. Two new classes, Blue Mage and Gunbreaker, as well as Bugs Bunny being the next new race. The last one received some updated information from the European Fanfest that we would recieve the popular Viera race from the games in the Ivalice Alliance. Many people were thrilled, but others questioned why didn’t they try to show some originality and show off the males as well. SE understood the plight, and told people to wait for the Japanese Fanfest.

When that day rolled around, people were hugging their Big Chungus dakimakuras in anticipation of the reveal, only to rage when it was revealed that SE actually semi-tried to be original and made an altered Ronso. Even worse, it was male only! The ERP community was furious, and so was everyone else! “Why would you try to stick to lore?” bellowed the community. “You’ve dashed my dreams of me sticking to lore using a male viera!” cried Balmung server. “Guys, you know there were gunblades in FFXIII too, right?” this poster said, getting drowned out by the SJWs.

It was the biggest divide in the game’s history. This made 1.0 look like the best idea ever, despite it also having race and gender locks. Giving everyone Savage gear in normal mode was preferable. Never giving us another healer looked better. Every single person realized that this was the ultimate fight, the one that would really end everything. Every player was united. It was then that everyone understood something they’d seen before:

“No fight left to fight. No life left to live. Ho, it comes! The end - your end!”

SE knew that this would be the end, and made a little gremlin to tell us as soon as the first trailer. The barren landscape in that trailer was proof. Why create new areas, when no one would be playing? The true Shadowbringers were SE themselves.

Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

Was it worth the wait? Probably not. Did I have fun writing it? I damn well did.

And since I’m getting “wall of text” complaints despite it not being a wall of text, I think I’m going to redo the original post when I go to add this one in. Going to put them all in individual quote bubbles. On top of breaking it up a little, I can actually split up some into shorter paragraphs. Think that might help?

[radhaz]

You go OP. This community could use getting taken down a notch or two.

[Neoyoshi]

This thread is magic. Greg is proud, very proud of Cactuar's resident historians. ♥