Don't ask, don't tell - Relationship Thought Experiment

[Skivvy]

Like how this thread emphasizes gender as being a core issue with online relationships while ignoring all the other things people lie about.

You made it the focus..?

[Azurymber]

You made it the focus..?

I said
3. If someone identifies as a girl, they are a "real girl". Acting like someone isn't a real girl because they were born male is transphobic. It's not every trans person's responsibility to wear a sign around telling you they used to be a diff gender.

in response to the use of "faux female" and "real girl"

The fact that so many people assume anyone born male, expressing themselves as a girl online, is doing it because they are "a confused gay" or "for the gil" and not because they are just being themselves kind of demonstrates the transphobia that I'm talking about. Like it's this internal assumption that trans people aren't real, or that they are so rare, it would never be a legitimate explanation.

The simplest and most realistic/rational explanation for why someone would express themselves as a "different" gender (from their biological-sex) online long-term across friendships/relationships is because they are being themselves. Sure it's not every single case. But it's the most "likely" reason why.

[NessaWyvern]

If someone identifies as a girl, they are a "real girl". Acting like someone isn't a real girl because they were born male is transphobic. It's not every trans person's responsibility to wear a sign around telling you they used to be a diff gender.

A lot of people want real-life relationships to come out of those online relationships. And deception involving biological/chromosomal gender in relationships in real life has lead to convictions, at least in the UK. At some point, you have to reveal it.

Besides, keeping secrets is never healthy for relationships.

Also, you should watch the series "Cat fishing" sometime, you can watch all the heartache that is caused from not being honest about things online.

[HyoMinPark]

The fact that so many people assume anyone born male, expressing themselves as a girl online, is doing it because they are "a confused gay" or "for the gil" and not because they are just being themselves kind of demonstrates the transphobia that I'm talking about. Like it's this internal assumption that trans people aren't real, or that they are so rare, it would never be a legitimate explanation.

The simplest and most realistic/rational explanation for why someone would express themselves as a "different" gender (from their biological-sex) online long-term across friendships/relationships is because they are being themselves. Sure it's not every single case. But it's the most "likely" reason why.

You’re assuming everyone that plays a character of the opposite gender is transgender now, though. Maybe they want to play something different. Maybe they’re just doing it for fun. Maybe they play the opposite gender because they find them attractive, in the way people find virtual characters attractive. Them playing a toon of the opposite gender does not automatically equate to them “being themselves”, as in “I actually identify with this gender”. And you have no quantifiable data to support this as the “likely” reason either. It’s all just assumptions with no basis.

[Azurymber]

You’re assuming everyone that plays a character of the opposite gender is transgender now, though. Maybe they want to play something different. Maybe they’re just doing it for fun. Maybe they play the opposite gender because they find them attractive, in the way people find virtual characters attractive. Them playing a toon of the opposite gender does not automatically equate to them “being themselves”, as in “I actually identify with this gender”. And you have no quantifiable data to support this as the “likely” reason either. It’s all just assumptions with no basis.

I'm assuming -most- (not all) people telling other people (e.g. all their friends online) they are gender-X are gender-X. (whether cis or trans)
Not that a guy playing a girl character is automatically trans.

It seems very irrational to assume that if you have 100 individuals claiming to be girls, the majority of them are doing so to trick people, or to scam gil out of people, etc.

In fact I'd argue that if someone's saying most of them are gay people trying to trick straight people into dating them, they are probably homophobic. There are LGBTQ ls's, fc's, communities, etc. Gay people don't need to trick straight people into liking them to form a relationship.

And I'm sure there are a few guys who pretend to be girls to get money. But I honestly think it's ridiculous to assume there are 1000s of guys that live their entire online lives as female (e.g. pretend to be female with all their friends) just so they can get a few extra items and more help.

[Skivvy]

It seems very irrational to assume that if you have 100 individuals claiming to be girls, the majority of them are doing so to trick people, or to scam gil out of people, etc.

Welcome to MMOs.

[PrimeEvilPanda]

That's pre-2005. I was around when it was rampant in FFXI, AION, TERA...I slowly realised it was a dying art when: 1) at around 2009-2012, every party member I met was a person [female] in their late 20s with a family and 2) Twitch and Discord happened and now single ladies can milk males of their real money and time.

The times have changed my friend.

[HyoMinPark]

I agree with this.
But i think it's a bit of a stretch to assume the OP is specifically talking about men who play female characters and not people who express themselves as female.
It should be pretty obvious to anyone that some men play female characters, and some females play male characters.

if the op is really that naive then yeah, my posts are irrelevant.

In all fairness, both are stretches. You don’t really have any proof of either. The only thing to really settle this debate is the OP coming back and clarifying his stance, rather than the vague OP that didn’t really provide answers to the things being discussed here.

It seems very irrational to assume that if you have 100 individuals claiming to be girls, the majority of them are doing so to trick people, or to scam gil out of people, etc.

Bless you, I wish I could live in a world where I thought people weren’t liars, but, then again, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of lies.

[Magic-Mal]

Bless you, I wish I could live in a world where I thought people weren’t liars, but, then again, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of lies.

Well when you think about it.. are you willing to believe that the 80% of responders in this thread that seem to be/are female are actually female? Just by what they have say(or have said in previous threads)? I do. I find it.. funny, how the stigma persists where the thread itself is mostly all female.

I genuinely don't think there are catfishers around every corner.