Don't ask, don't tell - Relationship Thought Experiment

[Azurymber]

Maybe it’s because it’s late and I’m missing this, but where is he specifically referring to transgendered individuals as “faux female”? Are you sure he’s not referring to the G.I.R.L. players (i.e., they play a female character, but they’re actually a guy in real life)?

Again, maybe I’m missing this because it’s late, and I did read and reread the OP about 5 times, but...

This line:
"Eventually, things in-game would reach a tipping point where the “faux female” would have to disclose their real world gender."

If 2 individuals aren't in a relationship, and someone has to disclose their "real gender" to get the other person to back off, that's indicative of male entitlement. The expectation that if you like someone, they -should- have to reciprocate because you "invested" time into them.

Alternatively if they -are- in a relationship with person X who discloses they are a different gender than they previously said, then they are probably trans and being courteous and honest with their partner.

I mean it's possible that a gay individual lies about their gender to date another person of the same-sex. But that seems kind of pointless. And if that's the case, it's not an issue of gender disclosure. It's an issue of honesty.
And it's also possible a "guy in real life" pretends to be a girl to get gil and stuff from people (which again, is an issue of honesty).

But there isn't really any situation why someone's gender matters, unless you're in an intimate/serious relationship with them.

[Azurymber]

Where does the OP ever mention trans women at all? I just reread the entire post and still see no mention of them. If you think "faux females"is referring to transwomen you are likely mistaken, it's probably referring to the fairly commom situation of men playibg female characters and flirting with other characters. I know someone who does this and has even extorted gil this way.

The overwhelming majority of people that play video games are male. The overwhelming majority of males are straight. This game might have a bit more diversity in these categories than some other MMOs but I would bet my account that the majority of players are still straight men.

I think you've read into all these things in exactly th e wrong way and even if it wasn't your intent it very much fits the SJW narrative of everything being about gender or some sort of discrimination even when it clearly isn't.

Why would a straight male pretend to be a female character to form a long-term-relationship with another male online?
If a guy is straight, they aren't going to want to date a guy....

I mean if they are doing it for gil, then the issue isn't people disclosing their gender. It's people using other people. Because a "real girl" could just as easily take advantage of a guy for gil the exact same way. But this post specifically talks about gender. So it's obviously not that.

[Magic-Mal]

I guess this is relevant to the thread and the OP!

http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxiv/t...-Matter-To-You

This was a poll I created a few months ago asking if real life gender mattered to men vs women. If it's anything to go by(considering there was a continuous pattern regardless of the size of the pool), the requirements for men are indeed much much more strict in terms of being an actual woman to marry in-game whereas women largely don't care. And the player population isn't actually dominated by males either. It's actually close to 50/50 with women making up 43%.

Edit:

To OP: Does this have something to do with the marriage thread? If so.. you should probably not use that.

[MoroMurasaki]

Why would a straight male pretend to be a female character to form a long-term-relationship with another male online?
If a guy is straight, they aren't going to want to date a guy....

The man playing the female character likely isn't straight, I'm not sure where you got the idea that they had to be. Doesn't change the fact that the single largest demograpgic in the game is still going to be straight men though.

[HyoMinPark]

This line:
"Eventually, things in-game would reach a tipping point where the “faux female” would have to disclose their real world gender."

Mmm, still sounds to me like they’re talking more about males that play female characters as opposed to transgendered individuals. Because it sounds almost like they are assuming that the person would be the same gender as their character (in this case, female), but the reality is, is they are actually a male. That’s how I interpreted it anyways. I didn’t jump to an attack on transgendered players; my mind just didn’t go there. The OP can clarify what they meant if they come back to the thread.

[Azurymber]

The man playing the female character likely isn't straight, I'm not sure where you got the idea that they had to be. Doesn't change the fact that the single largest demograpgic in the game is still going to be straight men though.

So you think a bunch of a gay/bi guys pretend to be girls to form relationships with guys online... For what reason?
And if that's the case, then again, the issue isn't gender disclosure. The issue is someone pretending to be someone they aren't.
It's no different from someone claiming to be a 25 year old doctor when in reality they are a 60 year old drug dealer.

[MoroMurasaki]

So you think a bunch of a gay/bi guys pretend to be girls to form relationships with guys online... For what reason?
And if that's the case, then again, the issue isn't gender disclosure. The issue is someone pretending to be someone they aren't.
It's no different from someone claiming to be a 25 year old doctor when in reality they are a 60 year old drug dealer.

They're both problematic. The issue in that example is not being honest about your gender, the issue in the one you provided is not being honest about your age and occupation. They're all wrong. None of them are less wrong. Lying or misrepresenting yourself is never okay.

As to the reason - I don't know. The girl who did it to me said she was scared to come out as a lesbian and things just got out of hand. I'm not in these peoples heads.

[Azurymber]

Mmm, still sounds to me like they’re talking more about males that play female characters as opposed to transgendered individuals. Because it sounds almost like they are assuming that the person would be the same gender as their character (in this case, female), but the reality is, is they are actually a male. That’s how I interpreted it anyways. I didn’t jump to an attack on transgendered players; my mind just didn’t go there. The OP can clarify what they meant if they come back to the thread.

That's possible.
But then it speaks to sexism and male "entitlement".
Because then the idea is that every female has to be a "potential hook up" or they have no value.
For example, if you only cared about making friends, gender is irrelevant for the most part.

The only reason gender matters is if you want to form a "more than friends" relationship.
And if that's the case, you can literally just ask the persons gender.

[HyoMinPark]

That's possible.
But then it speaks to sexism and male "entitlement".
Because then the idea is that every female has to be a "potential hook up" or they have no value.
For example, if you only cared about making friends, gender is irrelevant for the most part.

The only reason gender matters is if you want to form a "more than friends" relationship.
And if that's the case, you can literally just ask the persons gender.

I will just repeat what I said in response to the OP’s premise — I don’t think it’s healthy to expect anything deeper from an Eternal Bonding ceremony than a virtual ceremony. It’s not healthy to expect IRL relationships to bloom from it; they will happen if they are meant to happen. But forcing them or expecting them is not healthy, in my opinion, and it’s the reason why my character is bonded to someone I know won’t blur the lines, despite them being the opposite gender of myself IRL.

I already disagreed with the premise; do not mistake me saying his words didn’t come off as an attack against transgendered players as me saying he’s “correct” in this.

[Ceridwenae]

Haven't really looked at what anyone else is posting, but all I can say is I would never consider anyone other than my RL hubby to have my char bonded to (and she is, to his, so yay!). But the relationship already existed outside of the game, so probably doesn't count. But then again, I could say I acquired him in a game a good while back, an actual real life woman going after an actual real life man in a game (not the other way around initially), over the internets, and we've been a thing for over a decade and have a kid and a cat. I have a hard time believing it's so rare a thing, to want love and companionship in the thing you enjoy doing, and then especially in this game which dresses up something you can choose to do for real for a game benefit or two. I can understand if it's potentially confusing, but there is nuance here.

You probably shouldn't use this game as a dating service, even if it's hypocritical for me to say so. I, looking back, was really, really stupid, and it just turned out that I happened to find "Mr. Right" - but I could have so easily found someone else, a lot more dangerous, either physically, psychologically or both. I am exceptionally lucky, and would not, could not and should not count on the dice landing so well were I to have that time again.

I'd advise you, should you wish to take advice, to stop up and take some time to really think about what it is that you want. Also, live a little and have fun (you're probably doing this already, so apologies if it's stating the obvious)! Be decent, be honest, be kind. Don't think anyone owes you anything (they don't), but be generous with your time, where you can. Help others more than you help yourself (but never forget to ensure you have time for you). I wish good things for you, and hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.