Hangout spot for Eorzeans with anxiety/depression

[Paladinleeds]

Right, I've bit the bullet to get it all started, and I've got one set up. HyoMinPark, Kaiva, and Tridus, let me know who you are on Discord, I'll get you all set up as admins. As someone with it myself (and unable to work because of it, as far as my doctors are concerned). Kaiva, I will pass ownership of the server to you once I have it all set up. I'm good at working with bots, so I can tinker with the back end of the stuff. For you 3 though, please drop me a line on Discord, I'm Paladinleeds#6820 (yes, it is case sensitive), and I'll shoot all 3 of you an invite. We'll get this ball rolling today.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, regarding passing leadership on, it will depend on whether the admins would prefer to have Botwinder or some other bot for moderation. If you want Botwinder, you'll either have to pay for it, or keep me as the owner (my Discord account has been granted permission to use the bot already). If you decide to use some other bot, it will be passed on to Kaiva without issue.
EDIT2: This is for Kaiva. Before passing on the ownership of the server to you, I will also make sure you are clued in on how Discord works, make sure you know how to work the server, do moderation, etc. That way you can blaze your own trail with it. I believe in you.

[RiyahArp]

It's not that easy. You need a mod who is kind enough to do some serious emotional heavy lifting managing the group, and yet is stern enough to kick people and not get involved or fall for them. That's rarer than you think, especially the latter. Depressed people are not fun to be around, and they can suck a lot of emotional energy out of people who have good intentions but poor boundaries. I get the sense this is something you all need to learn firsthand though; me, even though I have my own issues, I'm really vigorous about not relying on others for support or being support. I tend to attract people who dump all their troubles on me in game, and they will happily use you just for that.

I think many people try to help others like this, but get burnt out when they realize that mental illness isn't really something you can solve by being nice and a friend, and many times the only answer is for the ill person to suck it up, get off the game and get rl therapy or instruction on coping issues. Like people give advice based on what healthy people do when faced with a problem but it doesn't work for a mentally ill person as often; you see this a lot whenever you see "anxiety about tanking" threads. So you get people with good intentions, but when the person they try to help simply doesn't get better and may even get worse, they get burnt out pretty badly.

[Paladinleeds]

It's not that easy. You need a mod who is kind enough to do some serious emotional heavy lifting managing the group, and yet is stern enough to kick people and not get involved or fall for them. That's rarer than you think, especially the latter.

It's worth giving it a shot though. And trust me, we want to give this a shot. If it fails, at least we can say we tried. I am building up the server as we speak. I'm also getting the mods on board to ensure that rules are set out by the staff, who I trust are knowledgeable. We'll also be setting up a specific infractions system. It's tough, but we deserve a place for support. I refuse to rule this server out. I want to see it work. It also helps that I am an INTJ type person, with the J being the most important (Justice vs Personalisation). It helps me dish out the justice a lot easier without playing favouritism.

Simply put, give me a clear guide of what is and isn't allowed. Give me a clear infractions system to follow, and I will follow it to the letter. I don't do favouritism. Yes, sometimes people need outside help from professionals, and it's OK to explain that to people at times. I am convinced that with the right team we can make this work. And having seen a lot of HyoMin, Kaiva, etc, I can trust them to make it work.

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

Covered by HyoMinPark. Quote provided below.

Only if they lack proper moderation. Give a server proper moderation, and this sort of thing isn’t allowed the chance to fester.

The community at large will be the ones providing the support for the group. It will kinda of be a large circle. What the moderators do over normal members (and yes, they do work, I'm part of one such group on Facebook, while not at the mod level, I am friends with the group owner), is simply chuck out the bad eggs that may occur. It absolutely can work, so long as we get the right moderation team. Now I can trust HyoMin, Kaiva, and Tridus to do a good job, and I can get the back end up and running. That's where I excel. It's why I've already started on it, since I can make sure all permissions are laid out, etc. I manage multiple Discords, including my static Discord, my own stream Discord, and a group for Pokémon Go. Plus I've moderated for several other Discords. Let's just say I learned a thing or 2 about the back-end!

While i do understand that people with these issues(i sometimes get them myself) can be good to talk with others who understand what they are going through i would question the effectivness of it.
If you have a lot of people at the same time going through issues they may end up not intentionally dragging each other down with each others problems and nobody with a clear head to help guide people through these issues.

Easy enough to fix. Lay out ground rules about what can and can't be discussed. For example in that Facebook group, threats of self-harm are not allowed in order to prevent mass triggering people. Certain topics must be covered by a trigger warning explaining what triggers to be aware of (we can create a separate room for that too).

[ChaoticCrimson]

Hm, idk it all sounds a bit overwhelming for my level of comfort. But if you're all resolved to give it a try I hope it helps you all and goes well.

[ko_]

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

[Metalwrath]

While i do understand that people with these issues(i sometimes get them myself) can be good to talk with others who understand what they are going through i would question the effectivness of it.
If you have a lot of people at the same time going through issues they may end up not intentionally dragging each other down with each others problems and nobody with a clear head to help guide people through these issues.

[RiyahArp]

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

Don't feel bad. It is possible to do this, but you have to be aware of some of the negatives going in. I tend to highlight the negative because a lot of people never ever consider it, then they get blindsided by it when it really happens. But its better for me to point it out here and people think on it then to deal with it on the fly as it happens. This is just the planning stages for it.

It's worth giving it a shot though. And trust me, we want to give this a shot. If it fails, at least we can say we tried. I am building up the server as we speak. I'm also getting the mods on board to ensure that rules are set out by the staff, who I trust are knowledgeable. We'll also be setting up a specific infractions system. It's tough, but we deserve a place for support. I refuse to rule this server out. I want to see it work. It also helps that I am an INTJ type person, with the J being the most important (Justice vs Personalisation). It helps me dish out the justice a lot easier without playing favouritism.

Simply put, give me a clear guide of what is and isn't allowed. Give me a clear infractions system to follow, and I will follow it to the letter. I don't do favouritism. Yes, sometimes people need outside help from professionals, and it's OK to explain that to people at times. I am convinced that with the right team we can make this work. And having seen a lot of HyoMin, Kaiva, etc, I can trust them to make it work.

The community at large will be the ones providing the support for the group. It will kinda of be a large circle. What the moderators do over normal members (and yes, they do work, I'm part of one such group on Facebook, while not at the mod level, I am friends with the group owner), is simply chuck out the bad eggs that may occur. It absolutely can work, so long as we get the right moderation team. Now I can trust HyoMin, Kaiva, and Tridus to do a good job, and I can get the back end up and running. That's where I excel. It's why I've already started on it, since I can make sure all permissions are laid out, etc. I manage multiple Discords, including my static Discord, my own stream Discord, and a group for Pokémon Go. Plus I've moderated for several other Discords. Let's just say I learned a thing or 2 about the back-end!

Easy enough to fix. Lay out ground rules about what can and can't be discussed. For example in that Facebook group, threats of self-harm are not allowed in order to prevent mass triggering people. Certain topics must be covered by a trigger warning explaining what triggers to be aware of (we can create a separate room for that too).

It's hard to respond to this without being negative, but you can't trust someone based on forum posts or even knowing them in game. What you are asking for is really tough, and its very easy to fall prey to certain things. I would be very open with them about what this entails, and go from there. Stuff like this can only be tried by fire; it helps at least if you do a lot of contingency planning and are open to what it involves early on, specially for volunteers. It's never that easy when it comes to social stuff, especially if you get someone who is both mentally ill and very persuasive.

[Paladinleeds]

Don't feel bad. It is possible to do this, but you have to be aware of some of the negatives going in. I tend to highlight the negative because a lot of people never ever consider it, then they get blindsided by it when it really happens. But its better for me to point it out here and people think on it then to deal with it on the fly as it happens. This is just the planning stages for it.

Exactly, and while I might sound a bit standoffish (I swear, I think that's my Asperger's coming into play there. It tends to make me a bit "Don't beat around the bush" towards people) to people about it, I'm doing it out of passion. I'm looking at the potential pitfalls that are highlighted, and bringing up strategies I've seen work. It won't be easy, I do not discount that. And I appreciate you bringing them up. But I want to see this work, as I'm sure plenty others do.

It's hard to respond to this without being negative, but you can't trust someone based on forum posts or even knowing them in game. What you are asking for is really tough, and its very easy to fall prey to certain things. I would be very open with them about what this entails, and go from there. Stuff like this can only be tried by fire; it helps at least if you do a lot of contingency planning and are open to what it involves early on, specially for volunteers. It's never that easy when it comes to social stuff, especially if you get someone who is both mentally ill and very persuasive.

I hear you. But for now it's all I have to go off. Right now we're building up as a group what we want from this. Let the staff decide the direction, and then enforce it. Like you said, can only be tried by fire. I did say even if it does go Pete Tong, at least we can say we tried. And eyah, we're building up a lot of contingency plans. We're gonna work on it together. I'm prepared for a long slog, but we will do our darned best to make this work.

[KaivaC]

snip

And it's perfectly fine to bring up the potential downfalls. It is a tough task...but we gotta start somewhere.

[Brynne]

I am also interested in this, though I might be more of a lurker than anything... I'd still like to join.