The Many Deaths of Final Fantasy XIV

[Meeka19]

Laughed kind of hysterically, and I haven't even read all yet. x)

[Aramina]

Beautiful. I read every word.

[Violyre]

I was actually debating if I should keep this thread going with some newer stuff. People attack me when this hasn't been bumped for awhile.

In the end, I decided I really don't give a damn that we'll have a brand new set of people who don't know what satire is because they make me lol.

48. Xed BY A MENTOR: From the dawn of time, the human race learned by doing things. This knowledge would be passed down through the ages, making the future population have an easier existence. SE knew this fact, and thought "why don't we just have experienced players teach the newer players what to do?" As such, the mentor system was developed! People initially enjoyed the mentor program, mostly because they'd get a prize after 2000 mentor roulettes. But then new players actually started to seek guidance from the mentors. This infuriated the mentors, who would promptly initiate a vote kick because "hit it till it dies" is rarely the actual strategy for fights and they didn't want to waste time explaining. Players then came to the forums, complaining that mentors stole their dogs, killed their parents, wore white after Labor Day, and kicked them from duties. As the forums became dedicated to mentor abuse, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

I'm trying to come up with one for Diadem, but my brain is tired.

[ZhaneX]

People're complaining about Proto-Ultima's weekly trade-ins too. Really it just seems to be more complaining about "TOO CASUL!!!" in general, so maybe you could put a spin on that?

[Newmanxeno]

OMG, what even is this? I love you.

[Dualgunner]

I'd laugh that my thread is in on the XIV Killing Meme, but the mentors are still menaces. Why the other day I saw one watering someone else's garden...no doubt planning to steal their crops and laugh!

[mylam]

Haha this is awesome!
The Mentor addition is hilarious!

[Violyre]

This is literally an attempt to see how many times I can get away with copy and paste and still be true to the story.

49. Diadamn, Gurl: One day, a new addition was added to the game, the Diadem! A very popular place in its release patch, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level of gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to make the next update's gear better than Diadem gear. Many players quit the Diadem at this point, causing SE to take the server offline because it was no longer useful. Promises were made of improvements to the Diadem before it would be put back in. In patch 3.55b, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

We're coming up to the milestone 50th death! What will it be? I gotta put a lot of thought into it...

[Zigabar]

Calling OP. Another death is on the rise!

[SilkaN]

Calling OP. Another death is on the rise!

A new meme has been born!
Its name shall be "literally unplayable now"!
Rise, meme farmers, and celebrate this wondrous day!