If a tank loses aggro, whose fault is it?

[DJaySaint]

Thanks for the replies. Too many to go through and quote so I'll respond to the most asked questions:

1. I did not look at the tank's gear. I looked at the other Black Mage's at the start because I always compare myself with another DPS to see what they are using and then compare our damage later on to try to get a feel if I am under performing or not. I am in mostly i230 gear with a few i260 in. I just started the game like 2 months ago. This other Black Mage had all i260 and i270 so she outgeared me by a pretty good margin (not that it matters with level sync, but spending that much time on a job you should not suck at it by now). Since the tank claims to be with the Black Mage every day, I would assume they are at least somewhat equally geared but that would be nothing more than a guess on my part.

2. I was using Quelling Strikes. I also intentionally severely gimped my rotation on the 2nd boss by using no damage boosting abilities whatsoever WITH Quelling Strikes active, while using only Blizzard III and Thunder/Thunder III procs. I was still far above the other Black Mage and fighting the tank for aggro. During trash pulls I would be green on all mobs, cast Flare, then red on all but maybe 1 or 2 which I was yellow on. This was not at the start of the fight either. At least not after a couple pulls (I've had some tanks I can double/triple Flare on at the start and not pull a single mob). So I started just using Fire II more and Flare less (or not at all). Eventually just Freeze...

At that point, when I am actively reigning in my damage to the point where it is total garbage, there is nothing I can do other than literally /sit in the middle of a fight which will be cause to boot me from a party for being AFK.

3. Yes I reported him and his partner for abuse of the vote kick system. Doing too much damage and asking a tank to use his AoE enmity tools is definitely not a reason to kick someone. As a tank I would want DPS going all out because it's the only way you learn how to handle it when you do get good DPS in your group. This guy just wanted ME to handle his enmity for him and would refuse to even attempt to get it back.

Someone mentioned about vote kicking the tank. That wouldn't be possible because he is paired with the other Black Mage. Unless I'm mistaken, you need 3/4 votes to pass yes (because you obviously can't vote for yourself)?

Anyway, the reason I even asked, because obviously in this situation the tank is at fault, is this is NOT the first time I've encountered this. I keep running in to tanks like this all the time. I just don't understand why there are so many tanks out there who behave like this, so I just wanted to make sure I wasn't setting my expectations too high by wanting a tank to actually... I don't know, TANK? Putting in minimal effort, then getting mad at the DPS for pulling aggro and berating them for not actively playing like crap so you as a trash tank can continue maintaining aggro is unacceptable. Well it should be. With my experience lately in Duty Finder, apparently this is a common practice.