The Many Deaths of Final Fantasy XIV

[Thistledown]

This thread wins so many cakes! I love whining about pointless things on the forums though. So many people take things literally it's like a goldmine!

[DarkChild]

Haha great thread! I'm new to FFXIV and MMOs. Nice to learn about its history.

[Peachy]

Wow someone is a little bitter perhaps.

[Violyre]

Wow someone is a little bitter perhaps.

Bitter? Not at all. Especially when you read the thread tags. Or take note that all of them end in some form of "the servers were shut down." Or read the end of the main post.

Every time someone takes this thread seriously, a lalafell dies. Please, think of the lalas.

...

More people need to take this thread seriously.

Yes, I've fallen behind on some issues but I have notes for them. Give me a bit, people!

[Acyd]

I bet a lot of you people take The Onion seriously as well, and post on FB how offended you are.

[Violyre]

I bet a lot of you people take The Onion seriously as well, and post on FB how offended you are.

That..that is the most glorious statement I can think of to describe how this thread rolls sometimes. Thank you, totally liked.

[Mercutial]

Haha... I think the headers for 35 and 36 may have betrayed your age a bit. I admit to laughing out loud when I read them. Well played.

[Violyre]

I have three new ones for your pleasure today, but I make a small request. Please tell me if I've done something wrong with #39. I know how hard of a border that it, but I kind of tried to riff on everyone. I'll remove it if need be.

37. Hunts, 2.5 Edition: Hunts were all the rage during 2.3. "We can gear up quickly to get into newer content!" exclaimed the peasantry, and the nobles glowered intensely at the system for making it "too easy to gear up" as they whined because didn't pull at a non-arbitrary time, and the PS3 players continued to silently cry as people kept insisting they do hunts. During the era of 2.4, the playerbase slowly moved away from hunts, as the best gear wasn't available through it anymore. With the release of 2.5, and the addition of upgrade items for ironworks gear to the purchase list and more allied seals rewarded, the people who all but abandoned the system came back, but they were unhappy. "Increase the HP of the hunts!" bellowed the citizens as they tried to get there, followed by "ban the people who pull hunts too early!" from the Dreadwyrm geared players. "I shouldn't have spent all those allied seals in 2.4..." sniffled the PS3 players. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

38. Eyebrows, now!: With Highlander Hyurs being very nice looking, and debatably the best looking of the strong looking characters, some players found one thing wrong with that perfectly chiseled body. "We want eyebrows!" bellowed those sexy beasts. SE addressed this at Fanfest by stating that they shave them off as a fighting group, but players were having none of this. "Our lack of eyebrows makes our oiled bodies look naked!" Many sexy beasts quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

39. Not Having a Gay Old Time: After many years of believing only a man and a woman could be a couple, SE realized that sometimes, boys like boys, and girls like girls, and it shouldn't be considered forbidden love, and have even embraced the idea, allowing same-sex couples to be Eternally Bonded, and even adding NPCs that were just right out with their feelings for a same sex person. But this didn't matter when a particular love-based holiday came about. As House Valentione worked to spread the love across Eorzea, adventurers were outraged that they seemed to only show straight partners in the questline. "Change these quests right now and quit shoving your straightness in our faces!" cried some people that have no idea that they just said something that straight people would say in reverse to them. "It's just a minor quest that won't be around more than a couple weeks, why bother with the rewriting for that short time?" questioned others, with many same-sex couples even being against the guy who was offended at the lack of homosexuality in that single minor questline. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

Haha... I think the headers for 35 and 36 may have betrayed your age a bit. I admit to laughing out loud when I read them. Well played.

I have actually never watched Rocky Horror Picture Show, that's littlerally the only song I know in that song. XD I'm 31 if that means much.

[ColorOfSakura]

One of the things added to this list (the Valentione's controversy) was something I got to be involved in. I feel honored. :3

Your whole list is hilarious, seriously. I was silently cackling to myself at work.

[DarkStar]

As far as 37 goes, I am disappointed with hunts, but not because it's "Too Easy" for people to gear up. Rather instead, I keep hoping and hoping that SE will finally get around to changing Hunts to be more like they were in FFXII, and less like timerless, level synchless NM FATEs. Oh well, maybe they'll do that with 3.0 and just haven't announced that yet...

Anyway, this thread is hilarious, and I am DEFINITELY looking forward to more of it. Keep up the good work. :3