<tt> will only target a player if you have a player highlighted who is targetting another player (in this case a <t> wouldn't go off either), or a monster targeted (in this case the <t> will go off first). If neither of those find a target, then it will try your focus target. As I said. If none of those finds a viable target to Obey on, you are out of combat anyway. It does <t> first, the next 2 lines are fail safes incase the target you have highlighted is not viable.

Dropping your main heal target to gain manual control is fine in content that doesn't matter, but in heavy healing fights, it can cost you dearly. It's not worth risking it when you can just add an extra 2 lines to your macro.

Obey is "Attack but refrain from using special moves until ordered too".
The fairy has no "Attack" so it is exactly the same as steady (as I said, she comes with a messed up steady that you need to take her out of to gain manual control)
Steady is "Refrain from attacking until ordered to do so". Same as Obey as they have no attack.

I've been playing scholar only for ~8 weeks before 2.1 and since 2.1 hit, they are exactly the same. The difference before/after the patch is: Prior to 2.1 the fairy would blow certain cooldowns in Obey (that is fixed now). They heal at exactly the same rate in either stance. I'm playing with it right now.