Why do people hate being told advice/told what to do by healers

[os12ispeak]

The point of this question is to ask why tank players (Warriors especially) dislike being told where to place mitigation when asked by their healers. Physical range players as well—they all get attitudes and complain. For example, in UWU, why do Warriors use Shake on the first raidwide when you can put it on cleanses for better value? The same goes for physical range players; it's really annoying when you ask and they get all bossy and give you attitude. You are not healing; just shut up and mitigate where we ask. I had a Warrior I asked, "Can you use Shake after the 2nd Friction?" I asked him three times. He goes, "My healers never ask," then left the instance. I don't get it; the same stuff happens in TEA. Warriors use it on the Cascade raidwide when you can Shake the dolls for better value. It’s honestly sickening and annoying. Statics are even worse. I had a Gunbreaker use Heart of Light on the first Cascade raidwide in TEA. Please make a TEA mitigation sheet! DSR is whatever; most people don’t even follow the DSR mitigation guide, and they praise it as gospel (imagine praising something you don’t even follow). I don't know, man, it's beyond annoying in fights like UWU and TEA, dying to damage because there's no reprisal, no addle, no physical range mitigation. Please learn how to mitigate correctly in this game.

[Evo1171]

This isn't really a healer telling a player what to do issue, this is a player telling a player what to do issue. This is one of the big reasons people despise mentors, there's the whole catch 22 where you're bad if you didn't tell the new player what to do and you're annoying if you did, a lot of the time when people are told what to do they take it as a personal attack no matter how nicely you put it unless they specifically ask for it and, in fact will, in a lot of cases, go out of their way to not do what they're asked to spite the other player because now they feel like they've been put down. Of course this isn't everyone but there are a lot of petty people even in high end content where having proper communication is a huge benefit. Outside of that you can typically just attribute this to people being poor players.

[Morphiana]

Because you're calling people out in public and no one likes that regardless of the topic.

Change the setting from this game to work. You're in a meeting and Bob chimes in, tells you "hey OP I know you just wrote those reports but you should actually write them this way next time instead". This isn't your boss, it is in public not in private, so it comes off as rude and disrespectful.

That being said, when you're in a group there's very few ways to provide advice in a way that doesn't embarrass them because you cannot use tells. If your group formed outside of a raid and occasionally comes back out of the instance yet you still choose to give this feedback in public when in private was an option, then you have an even bigger chance in coming off as rude.

So what do you do? You want to provide advice, you want to help this person so they don't get it from a nasty person instead, but you don't want to embarrass them or disrespect someone who hasn't done anything to you.

You can try wording it differently but that's about it. In your example you could say "Hey Bob, I zone out and just use Shake it off too here, but I thought about it, and I think it would be more effective to use it here instead, what do you think?"

In that statement you've acknowledged you're not a know it all, that you've made mistakes and learned from them, you offered an alternative solution but you weren't matter of fact about it (you said I think instead of you should), and you asked their opinion which invites them to discuss it with / come up with the solution together even if you just suggested it.

If they get defensive after that, you can try once more to disarm it or not that's up to you. But that's how I typically start a conversation and I usually end up in a friendly conversation with them about how to be more effective together. When I'm short on patience and say "you shouldn't do that" it usually backfires. Just last night I had a tank running with a tank buster while the rest of us tried to get to a gather up AoE. They ended up hitting me with that buster because I couldn't get away, they picked the same direction I picked to go in (it was the first boss in Alexandria). So I was tired / frustrated and said "tanks don't move so the rest of us can position around you" - why? Because the gather mechanic requires us to be moving to someone while the tank buster does not, it is easier to avoid it if it doesn't move. Well, that didn't go well, got my blood pumping, and I made a silly mistake that took me down as a result.

Lastly, pick and choose your battles. Would this thing make a huge difference? If not, let it go. I'll use group mitigation when a mechanic that usually hits people is coming up. Sometimes no one gets hit at all and the mitigation is wasted. Did I make the wrong decision? In my mind, no. I'd rather err on the side of caution if the mechanic regularly takes people out to keep them in the fight rather than use it during a predicatable group AoE when the healers are doing just fine. Could someone pick a fight with me about it? Sure could, would it matter? No, I said the healers are doing fine otherwise so I opted to risk mitigation against mistakes in a mechanic that many people make mistakes in.

No one is perfect but try to approach these things as a problem you can solve together and you'll get a better reaction.

[Uncle_Jafar]

people generally don't like being told what to do. Its not exclusive to healers. there's no amount of "yeah but..." that is going to change that.

[ClaudeHerel]

After the healer strike embarrassment no one respects healers anymore.

[Morphiana]

After the healer strike embarrassment no one respects healers anymore.

Your average player has no clue what this even is.

[Chiru_Kai]

I agree. People are so uptight about criticism sometimes.
Blame society where too many folk got a "main character syndrome". Very common in USA.

It's one thing to be like "hah you suck, loser, uninstall game ur bad". Yknow, the usual comment you get from 12 year old kids on Call of Doody.
This is a form of bad criticism. You're absolutely allowed to feel insulted and disregard it as a useless comment. Anyone who makes comments like that can follow their own words and uninstall. Don't need any of that here.

But if someone gives genuine advice, gives reasons to do a certain thing over the other, then anyone who takes offense to it is just a wuss with an ego problem who can't accept that they made a mistake and are detrimental to their team until it is solved. Taking comments like that personally is silly. The goal is not to say that you made a mistake and make you feel awful or shamed for it, but the focus is on how to improve, not just for yourself but for the whole party, and any future parties you may join. Completely disregarding the spirit of such advice and taking it personal is just a sign of severe insecurity and you shouldn't be doing any coop game that involves difficult content if you can't play cooperatively with others. And cooperation also means solving mistakes *together*. Have some humility, and accept that you can make mistakes yourself too. No shame in that. There is more shame in being called out for a mistake, and then saying "shut up I did nothing wrong" and then proceed to continue being a nuisance to your party. Such individuals easily get on my blacklist if I ever see them in my parties.

[angienessyo]

I like that mentors are expected to help and give advice but the last few times I gave advice I was told to shut up and that just because I do savage doesn't mean I can tell anyone what to do. I wasn't even mean or rude, I just gave a quick tip on a fight some people died to to help them out Any time I make a mistake and someone corrects me I just say "oh my bad, thanks for letting me know".

[Silberzerox]

os12ispeak is a trollposter. No need to answer in here.

[ReynTime]

Immature boys and girls stuck with the mind of a 14 years old who aspires to be like their favorite vtube streamer don't like being told what to do. They are, after all, the protagonists of their own little worlds and anything you do that makes them look less like leading men/women is seen by them as a personal attack.