This is the inevitable result of appealing to tradition, the genre rigidity that follows, and a mix of some chasing a dragon they'll never catch again because their first game, and all those related firsts, has come and gone. And yes, even if gripes between games are similar, proposed player solutions eerily sound similar as well, even if implemented and proven to fail elsewhere.
My personal hot take? You can't have a solid MMO without a solid single-player RPG behind it. This notion is inevitably lost to the idealism of what an MMO could be when human behavior inevitably ruins that. Let's be real, we're not queuing up to stuff hoping to find our next best friend in an instance. We want capable bodies to get in and out as quickly as possible. Especially when it's our nth time doing whatever. This is no different than Trusts even if SE went out of their way to make them perform worse than players to coax people to keep queuing. In the end, XIV is kinda-sorta getting it, but in doing so this late in the game's life, you obviously have people resisting it out of that aforementioned appeal to tradition or a sense of how they experienced content would be exactly how someone else would.
MMOs can actually be a hell of a lot more than they currently are, but all the tribalism that goes on pretty much guarantees we'll never see it.