I know you're being sarcastic, but I think you've got the kernels of a cool and legit idea here.
Like, giving a special reward for clearing it at minimum iLVL (or something). Not only could it be an interesting way to keep the content active and alive long after we should be facerilling it, but incsntivisising min iLVL runs could help create a bridge between the hard and harder levels of content.
Also, the reward wouldn't be gated by time, but by skill. Since the reward isn't tied to clearing it week 1, scheduling conflicts, finals, being ill, or Savage releasing over Christmas (looks like this'll happen in EndWalker), etc. wouldn't prevent you from getting your status item, your only "excuse" is not being good enough.
So for those wanting some kind of status symbol this would work better than the week 1 rewards too.