Basic Etiquette tips for people new to FFXIV (or MMOs in general)

^_^ Hi guys!

I learned a lot in my first years playing MMOs. Sadly, I had a lot of negative experiences, some of them self-inflicted. So I decided to make a guide based on what I learned, that's focussed mainly on what a person can do to make his or her experience in the world more pleasant for themselves and others.

Please read and comment. ;)

Hiir's Guide

Great guide, Hiir. :D
(Sharing!)

Aw thanks. ^_^ It didn't take me long! Let me know if you want something added!

Oh, wow, Hiir, this is awesome! I especially liked this part:

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Moving on: Remember how to move on from trouble spots in your relationship with your FC. Once issues have been discussed and worked out, it's time to let go. Try to have a positive, welcoming attitude afterwards, and don't forget to apologize for anything you may have done to contribute.

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There are so many people who forget that problems can simply be let go after they're discussed and (mostly) resolved; resentment's only going to affect you, not necessarily the other person involved. This very situation happened at the beginning of this beta phase when a friend in the FC I'm in got harassed by another player who used to know us all, but made their own linkshell--this person was saying really bad things about our friends in the company and our friend just had to say, "you know what? there's no need for me to watch old wounds that are still festering!" and just ignored him--we all agreed: it's a shame he's still talking about problems from over a year ago and can't let go of his resentment. This is a game; there's no need to have lasting resentments over petty issues involving linkshells and FCs. If people are going to keep angrily coming back with drama, you just stay level headed and say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I can't talk to you when you're this way. Maybe when you're calmer and have thought things through."

In general, this is a really well-written guide and I applaud you for writing it--so many people forget to do these simple things that could make the game that much more friendly! I had an idea where maybe there could be a section involving playing with people who speak other languages--that's always a really great opportunity to reach out and be friendly! like, let's say you're playing with a mostly english party and one french player, and you remember enough french from highschool to thank them for their help or to have a small conversation with them--it might make them really happy to see someone make the effort to speak their language and connect them to the rest of the party! (This happened to me in real life: I was at epcot and we went to the japan section where the girls working there were japanese and were expected to speak english. I had a conversation with a few of the girls in japanese and their faces just lit up! It was an amazing feeling! My Japanese wasn't perfect or anything, but they appreciated the effort of it in a place where they're expected to simply assimilate to that one language.) I mean, yeah, there is auto-translate, but I always feel that it's a little more personal to actually attempt to speak that other language if you know it. Not, like...swearwords or google translate or anything, but actual learned conversation starters/pleasantries.

But this is a very cool guide--I wish it could get stickied to the top of the GD forum or something but i think that requires dev team permissions. I'm definitely going to spread the word about this guide, though. I was reminded of a lot of things and we should all try to make FFXIV an even friendlier game to be playing!

Perfect guide - I really hope everyone would read and abide by it. It's made of nothing but win-win. :)

EDIT: I'm thinking really, this could be applied to forums and real life as well.

Great guide! I hope a lot of people read it and take it seriously :) I really liked the part about answering people and saying hello back when you say hi. It's really frustrating when you log in and greet the ls and get crickets lol

Oh I have one ^_^
Crafting~!

When you need an item crafted but need assistance, go out of your way to look up the recipe and have the materials ready rather then expect the crafter to know what it is that you want.

If you can not find all materials and the crafter is providing it for you, offer them something else in exchange.
Eg. Player1: I have all mats but the cotton yarn +1
Player2: Don't worry, I have it, just bring me the other mats.
Player1: Ok thanks, I'll give you some extra lighting crystals in leiu if that's ok?
Player2: Sure, np.

If you are crafting something more difficult, for example a HQ lvl 45+ item, let the person know if you are confident or not in the success. Make sure you both understand what is priority.
a) Getting a HQ at all costs or b) Getting a NQ if HQ is just not possible this time.

Manners go a long way, remember to say please and thank you.

This guide needs more boobs!

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Originally Posted by Niqote

Oh I have one ^_^
Crafting~!

When you need an item crafted but need assistance, go out of your way to look up the recipe and have the materials ready rather then expect the crafter to know what it is that you want.

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A billion times this. I don't mind crafting you something, but don't waste my time! This happens way too often.
Bonus points for telling me the mats/synth (Even after you've traded me them) as I have a hard enough time finding my own mats in my inventory and my short-term memory sucks.

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Manners go a long way, remember to say please and thank you.

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Also this.

Good primer.

One of the worst things that I've found with other games is the lack of communication. Both 11 and 14 had very courteous people. Even if they never had the time to do something, there was always an answer. Everytime I'd ask a question on say WoW, SWTOR, Aion, or Age of Wushu all I heard was dead silence.

It's very possible that everyone was on ventrillo or something but if I asked in chat, most likely I don't have access to ventrillo and chat programs. Maybe I just got unlucky all 4 times, who knows.

Also one of my pet peeves is people asking for assistance and not being prepared. If you're asking for assistance on the Ifrit battle, I expect you to have everything up to the battle done. I should just be able to enter the instance, do the battle, and be on my way. I used to guide people around, and I do sometimes if I'm bored, but it's quite a chore.

*applause*
This is excellent!
Can we make this a mandatory reading for all games please?
Or even better, a real life requirement?

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Originally Posted by Pwnagraphic

This guide needs more boobs!

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I prefer butts thank you.
Now turn around and shake it Elezen boy~

Stickied? This needs to be an article posted on the main Lodestone site itself in the form of an excerpt from The Raven in my humble opinion.

Thank you for your comments!

And especially for your suggestions.

I will be looking at adding some things for crafting requests and also playing with people under special circumstances, such as when there is a language barrier. :)

Good Job Hiir ^^. If I may add something to this.

There will be times when somethings happen that cause a flux in emotions. When good things happen, you generally cheer in vent/mumble and congratulate everyone on a job well done. There is however the dark side of the coin to think about. When you are on your 50th Ifrit Extreme run and emotions start to get tense. It's better to keep calm and carry on and if you must swear and curse and table flip. Don't do it over vent. Your team mates are just as frustrated as you and having you yell into their ear only makes things worse.

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Originally Posted by Rubieus

Good Job Hiir ^^. If I may add something to this.

There will be times when somethings happen that cause a flux in emotions. When good things happen, you generally cheer in vent/mumble and congratulate everyone on a job well done. There is however the dark side of the coin to think about. When you are on your 50th Ifrit Extreme run and emotions start to get tense. It's better to keep calm and carry on and if you must swear and curse and table flip. Don't do it over vent. Your team mates are just as frustrated as you and having you yell into their ear only makes things worse.

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I kinda covered this briefly under "Party Play" : Just say Thanks for the PT. Even when things go badly.

I added for Special Party issues and also, Crafting requests.

I'm trying to make this for beginners and basics. It's just not possible to cover every situation. Not screaming and swearing at your teammates should be a given of course. :x And people who lose that much control probably need to follow the advise and walk away from the game and handle whatever is really eating at them. (fatigue, hunger, guilt at neglecting something...)

Sometimes the game just wins the day. There's always tomorrow. Just say : "Thanks for the Pt" and try again later.

a nice one Hiir
Just wanna add, we crafter usually willing to craft for free, especially trivial matter like repair or single meld
Some of us even compete (those with secret agenda lol) to help melding others gear
all you have to do is ask nicely

as for HQ craft, we do expecting you to bring all HQ mats, though we gladly accept the challenge as long as you understand the consequences. we do inform you (back in 1.0, havent try craft in 2.0) when we attempting to go for HQ, telling you the odds, and let you make the final decision

again, all you have to do is ask nicely

Recently, I had an issue with a RL friend over beta chat. Eventually, we resolved our issues by sending a bunch of silly emotes to one another. Then we both were so tired from arguing, we logged off to take naps :p. Emotes can help to make light of situations that might be in need of some lightening. :)

I wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree with the points you have made so far in your article.

That said, what course of action might one take when someone else tells one that his or her feelings are not worthy of consideration? The reasons might vary, but a few examples might be:

1) "I have never done anything wrong to you, (thus you cannot say you have issues with me)"
2) "I believe you are an emotional individual, (thus I cannot trust your judgments about my actions)"

or similar?

I understand this isn't an "Ask Hiir" column in some Eorzean newspaper (though it should be!!!), but given what you have written so far, I trust that we operate on a similar wavelength, morally speaking, and I was kind of hoping you came up with a solution for the above that I have yet to find. Also, you made mention of accepting one's contributions to a given situation, so I wanted to hear more words about that. :)

Thank you, darling, for any assistance you can provide. I hope to see you on the game sometime, kind lalalady. ^_^

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Originally Posted by rina_inverse

a nice one Hiir
Just wanna add, we crafter usually willing to craft for free, especially trivial matter like repair or single meld
Some of us even compete (those with secret agenda lol) to help melding others gear
all you have to do is ask nicely

as for HQ craft, we do expecting you to bring all HQ mats, though we gladly accept the challenge as long as you understand the consequences. we do inform you (back in 1.0, havent try craft in 2.0) when we attempting to go for HQ, telling you the odds, and let you make the final decision

again, all you have to do is ask nicely

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Very good points! I kept reciprocation issues out of it because it depends on the crafter and the item, but it's true, crafters are very generous folks.

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Originally Posted by Hestern_Nestern

Recently, I had an issue with a RL friend over beta chat. Eventually, we resolved our issues by sending a bunch of silly emotes to one another. Then we both were so tired from arguing, we logged off to take naps :p. Emotes can help to make light of situations that might be in need of some lightening. :)

I wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree with the points you have made so far in your article.

That said, what course of action might one take when someone else tells one that his or her feelings are not worthy of consideration? The reasons might vary, but a few examples might be:

1) "I have never done anything wrong to you, (thus you cannot say you have issues with me)"
2) "I believe you are an emotional individual, (thus I cannot trust your judgments about my actions)"

or similar?

I understand this isn't an "Ask Hiir" column in some Eorzean newspaper (though it should be!!!), but given what you have written so far, I trust that we operate on a similar wavelength, morally speaking, and I was kind of hoping you came up with a solution for the above that I have yet to find. Also, you made mention of accepting one's contributions to a given situation, so I wanted to hear more words about that. :)

Thank you, darling, for any assistance you can provide. I hope to see you on the game sometime, kind lalalady. ^_^

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Aw! ^o^ I do my best to follow my own advice but even I get emotional and fed up with shenanigans despite my efforts.

As I mentioned under "Dealing with drama after it happens" The less emotion people have the deal with the more they can focus on the actual problem. So it may not be that your emotions don't matter, it's just that they may distract from your message. So step away, breathe, and then try to identify the root problem that led to your upset. Is there anyway to just forget the matter and move on? If there is a real issue with the system, try to be as emotionless as possible and bring it up at the right time.

Accepting your contribution to a problem can sometimes be difficult in the heat of the moment, but it's good to go back with an honest eye and ask yourself "Did I really need to say or do that?" "Did I talk to the wrong people about this issue?" "Did something I say put the other person on the defensive, exacerbating the problem?" This doesn't mean beating yourself up about other people's behavior, but learning from your experiences and doing your part to repair any salvageable bridges.

^_^ Thank you for the response. My mom has always taught me to "kill others with kindness" so I try to approach every situation with that in mind -- I try to be gracious despite how others might be treating me and what others might be thinking of me. I do not believe it right to presume that I understand someone else's intent by what they say or how they act, so I almost always forgive them for their slights and let it go. To me, this feels like the appropriate action to take. Of course, this way of thinking and acting leads to its own set of problems.
:p

At any rate, I am going to keep being nice, and I hope everyone else will be inspired by your post to be nice, too. Thank you again for this optimistic thread. We will all improve, even me, we will all improve; I say, "bright tidings" to all who seek to improve in their humanity always. :cool:

thanks for the party! most people do it but theres them days.

theres the people who say "this party is to slow, yesterday i got 10 million XP in per hr" then they just drop party same thing in a boss fight or raid "too slow is there key word".

this is a team game, no way around it. be nice and thing will get done. not every is an expert and if its there first time doing teach them dont just drop party.

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Originally Posted by Hestern_Nestern

My mom has always taught me to "kill others with kindness" so I try to approach every situation with that in mind

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You are the most ridiculously positive person I have ever seen post on these forums... perhaps the entire internet! lol

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Originally Posted by HiirNoivl

^_^ Hi guys!

I learned a lot in my first years playing MMOs. Sadly, I had a lot of negative experiences, some of them self-inflicted. So I decided to make a guide based on what I learned, that's focussed mainly on what a person can do to make his or her experience in the world more pleasant for themselves and others.

Please read and comment. ;)

Hiir's Guide

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This is a really good post and I appreciate the part you mentioned disabled players. A good friend of mine was disabled and couldn't use one of her hands very well and ended up quitting because people weren't very kind about her in parties.

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Originally Posted by AmyNeudaiz

This is a really good post and I appreciate the part you mentioned disabled players. A good friend of mine was disabled and couldn't use one of her hands very well and ended up quitting because people weren't very kind about her in parties.

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I'm sorry to hear about your friend. :( Hopefully, if she comes back people will be more patient.

Someone asked me earlier, how being self absorbed causes drama.

This comedian talks about the Me Monster observe at 0:44 how that made him feel. This is pre-drama resentment.

Great guide. I just wish it recommended teaching inexperienced people the ropes. I know this is a guide mostly for 'new' players, but sometimes even new players know more than even newer players.

I've been in a lot of parties where I was kicked after the first wipe because no one wanted to tell me how the content was supposed to go. There's guides...but written words and screenshots or poorly drawn maps will never be equal to real first hand experience.

You sound like a good person to be a comrade of! This was great, and well done to you. If I had to disagree with something, I would have to say that something like "You've got to help out! We've been waiting for an hour!" isn't bullying by any stretch of the imagination. I would call it "cajoling," or "appealing to pity," if anything; someone using an imperative tone, and reinforcing it by voicing their own grievance with the situation, may not be acting terribly polite, but bullying it is not.

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Originally Posted by Hestern_Nestern

I do not believe it right to presume that I understand someone else's intent by what they say or how they act, so I almost always forgive them for their slights and let it go. To me, this feels like the appropriate action to take. Of course, this way of thinking and acting leads to its own set of problems.

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Amen to that!

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Originally Posted by Punainen

Great guide. I just wish it recommended teaching inexperienced people the ropes. I know this is a guide mostly for 'new' players, but sometimes even new players know more than even newer players.

I've been in a lot of parties where I was kicked after the first wipe because no one wanted to tell me how the content was supposed to go. There's guides...but written words and screenshots or poorly drawn maps will never be equal to real first hand experience.

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This is a blessed addendum, Punainen. I agree. ^_^ One-on-one conversations are a lot more personal than handing over google search parameters and saying a trite, "good luck". I would much rather learn from someone in my party, my ls, my fc, my friends list, or anywhere in the game at all, then to be told, "educate yourself" and then to be sent away with angry eyes eager for my departure.

@MithrasInvictus You are right. The situation(s) mentioned in the article ("You got to help! We've been waiting for an hour!") is not bullying. With this so affirmed, I have personally been the victim of someone turning appeal to pity into a bullying technique. Repeated offences have the potential to become emotional extortion; is that what you meant to convey, kind lalalady, Hiir?

@AmyNeudaiz Is there any way to convince your dear friend to return? I would be more than happy to party with the lass. I am saddened that others were not understanding. Even if someone is fully mobile, we as human beings have no need of harsh words and even harsher actions. What good does being a meanie-face-y do for anyone (of course, we all will be mean at some point or another, but we all must forgive ourselves at some point, too)? It is important that we welcome all kinds and have patience for all sorts. If one does not have the time to be polite, how does one have the time to play a game? I am looking forward to seeing more helpful advice in the coming days from other posters, too! :cool:

Pray, forgive me for any illogical incongruities within this post, or any poorly formulated opinions.

I like your preemptive approach, Hiir. Well done.

Can I be next to add something? Role-players.

I don't fall along this category, but I have a few RL friends that do (they don't use the forums, but read your guide and asked me to pipe up for them). They have to resort to private conversations or avoiding populated areas rather than making the world their own. This is due to comments others make complaining about them when they've done nothing wrong but play the game the way they want to play it. This is all kinds of wrong, in my opinion, and I feel for them.

They won't bug you, so don't bug them if you don't intend on joining in. :)

This goes along the multiple points of respect you bring up, but calling attention to it specifically will help people be more....tolerant? Accepting? Awh, heck with it. Stop spoiling other people's fun! :)

Good job Hiir, I like this a lot :)

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Originally Posted by MithrasInvictus

You sound like a good person to be a comrade of! This was great, and well done to you. If I had to disagree with something, I would have to say that something like "You've got to help out! We've been waiting for an hour!" isn't bullying by any stretch of the imagination. I would call it "cajoling," or "appealing to pity," if anything; someone using an imperative tone, and reinforcing it by voicing their own grievance with the situation, may not be acting terribly polite, but bullying it is not.

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I will have to disagree with you. When someone has a lot of physical strength, holding someone upside down and shaking them for their lunch money is easily identifiable bullying. However, you'll see kids try to do the same thing to their parents when they don't get the answer they want.

"Come on! This party means everything!" (Unspoken threat: You, the parent, don't want my life to be devoid of meaning do you?) "If you don't let me go to the mall, I'll hate you forever!" (Spoken threat.) "Waaaah! *burst into tears* *slam the door* YOU'RE the WORST PARENT EVER." (Guilt tripping).

On the Internet, people cannot hold a gun to your head and make you do anything, so you'll see people try to bully others with the same tactic. "If the devs don't do this thing I want, I'm going to quit!" :mad:

It is bullying. Once someone says no, that needs to be respected. And they should find someone else. They don't have to help right this second. Quit trying to MAKE them.

P.S. I actually put this on my guide in a footnote. Begging for help too much usually means the FC you're in is not the right fit for you. If your FC consistently refuses to help, check with the leadership. You may be too far behind or ahead of them "progression wise". And even if you're on the same level as your FC, a non-helpful FC is an exercise in futility and it may be time to Part Ways amicably rather than pester more..

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Originally Posted by Punainen

Great guide. I just wish it recommended teaching inexperienced people the ropes. I know this is a guide mostly for 'new' players, but sometimes even new players know more than even newer players.

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I think this falls under "Don't ignore someone when they ask a question." But I did type up an experience I had on the server about Party Play to show that helping someone learn doesn't necessarily have to take a whole lot of time, or explanations. :)

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Originally Posted by Wolfandre

I like your preemptive approach, Hiir. Well done.

Can I be next to add something? Role-players.

I don't fall along this category, but I have a few RL friends that do (they don't use the forums, but read your guide and asked me to pipe up for them). They have to resort to private conversations or avoiding populated areas rather than making the world their own. This is due to comments others make complaining about them when they've done nothing wrong but play the game the way they want to play it. This is all kinds of wrong, in my opinion, and I feel for them.

They won't bug you, so don't bug them if you don't intend on joining in. :)

This goes along the multiple points of respect you bring up, but calling attention to it specifically will help people be more....tolerant? Accepting? Awh, heck with it. Stop spoiling other people's fun! :)

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I enjoyed the RP on the Balmung Server even though I only got my toes wet in it. However, some people have different rules than others...

How about I write up a brief explanation of what RP play is and how not to interrupt or join... Everyone has different rules on how to play, so it's best to ask before joining an RP conversation. (Falls under "Excuse me...")

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Originally Posted by Hestern_Nestern

@AmyNeudaiz Is there any way to convince your dear friend to return? I would be more than happy to party with the lass. I am saddened that others were not understanding. Even if someone is fully mobile, we as human beings have no need of harsh words and even harsher actions. What good does being a meanie-face-y do for anyone (of course, we all will be mean at some point or another, but we all must forgive ourselves at some point, too)? It is important that we welcome all kinds and have patience for all sorts. If one does not have the time to be polite, how does one have the time to play a game? I am looking forward to seeing more helpful advice in the coming days from other posters, too! :cool:

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I've been trying to get her back, she's pretty interested in 2.0 to say the least. Hopefully this time around I'll be around better company while playing so she won't feel like she's bringing the team down. Thanks for your concern though.

etiquette = common sense

Very nice guide and I hope more people read it and take it to heart.

If I may suggest 2 possible inclusions...

Under "Party Play" -> "Get familiar with the content."
Perhaps to be mindful that there can be different ways of going through a dungeon or fight. Communicating the plan can help to head off any problems, instead of assuming everyone will know and follow the same strategy. This is potentially more apparent if you play with mixed English-Japanese groups -- strategies can differ significantly.

And it is largely covered by the "Basic Etiquette" tips "Keep it positive" and "Be respectful" but...
Don't yell at other people. Most people are trying their best, not everyone is a pro gamer, we all make mistakes and sometimes make poor choices under the stress of battle. If you lose your temper and berate other people for their mistakes, it could have a negative impact on your reputation and cause people to avoid helping you in the future.
(or is this one too negative?)

Well, no it's not too negative. I want to stick with the beginning. The Beginning of FFXIV is very linear and straight foward, but people will get tired after a while of telling others not to kill the bomb for the "Icherous Ire" ore to not stand in the purple "Thunderclap Guivre" water.

So that's what I mean. Get familiar just means understanding the basics, like maps.

Yes, yelling is never good. There's a kind way to end a party. If you can't say anything without losing it just... "Thank you for pt!" and then go scream into your pillow. lol

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Originally Posted by HiirNoivl

I will have to disagree with you. When someone has a lot of physical strength, holding someone upside down and shaking them for their lunch money is easily identifiable bullying. However, you'll see kids try to do the same thing to their parents when they don't get the answer they want.

"Come on! This party means everything!" (Unspoken threat: You, the parent, don't want my life to be devoid of meaning do you?) "If you don't let me go to the mall, I'll hate you forever!" (Spoken threat.) "Waaaah! *burst into tears* *slam the door* YOU'RE the WORST PARENT EVER." (Guilt tripping).

On the Internet, people cannot hold a gun to your head and make you do anything, so you'll see people try to bully others with the same tactic. "If the devs don't do this thing I want, I'm going to quit!" :mad:

It is bullying. Once someone says no, that needs to be respected.

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I don't see how someone's size has any relevance to a video game, and if you can provide a single example of someone picking someone up and shaking them down THROUGH THE INTERNET, I applaud your sleuthing abilities! Regardless, someone acting like a whiny brat with an inflated sense of entitlement still doesn't strike me as bullying. It strikes me as someone who is acting like a whiny brat with an inflated sense of entitlement. We'll just have to agree to disagree here. The whiny, bratty people out there are the reason that black lists exist. I don't like playing with them either, because they're aggravating.

Great Guide^^;
I really hope more ppl act like they're actually trying be friendly.
This could really help those ppl that have the 'No Time to chat Attitude',
However i hope they have Time to read.

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Originally Posted by AmyNeudaiz

I've been trying to get her back, she's pretty interested in 2.0 to say the least. Hopefully this time around I'll be around better company while playing so she won't feel like she's bringing the team down. Thanks for your concern though.

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Hi^^;
Given we are on the same server i would be happy to have more People to play with ^_^
If timezones allow... i'd be the last person to turn down a Group.
Wouldn't mind to get a /tell sometime^^

Thank you Hiir for the guide! It really should be published :)

I personally never met any rude people in 1.0 or in the beta (and hopefully I never do ^^), but I would REALLY REALLY appreciate it if people say anything in parties (set up by the duty finder mainly). I had parties where the 30-40 min dungeon run was so enjoyable because we were all communicating and it made the content much more fun.

I understand that some might be in a bad mood or any other thing that they are going through, but a simple {Hello} can go a long way. And maybe we can even lift your spirit? :D

My younger brother has just now started playing.

When doing Toto Rak, our humorous back and forth really made the runs fun... Like when he got a drop I would act annoyed with him. "You punk!" He would say, "I'm a greedy"

Or if he got frozen by the Ziz from the Duty Finder I would /laugh repeatedly. He would say "Shut it"

As soon has he come into the Toto-Rak dungeon he would say "TOTOCRACK!" in party chat.

I lol'ed every time.

Of course being goofy is not a way you have to go about it, but please say something. XD Dungeons don't have to be "Punch-in, Punch-out" Make Duty Finder fun!