Sad experiences of a newbie

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Originally Posted by SenorPatty

"You don't pay mine either"

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Because direct verbal abuse of a player is equivalent to a dungeon taking 3 extra minutes?

Intelligent.

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

Because direct verbal abuse of a player is equivalent to a dungeon taking 3 extra minutes?

Intelligent.

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Point is, if someone is being a twat, you don't stoop to their level. What good does that accomplish? All that will most likely happen is you'll end up in someone's story in the "Tales from DF" thread about this horrible sprout they ran into who wouldn't listen to advice, and claimed "you don't pay my sub!".

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Originally Posted by Cherrytop

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Hiya, I'd be very very interested in seeing any examples of this that you might have kept? Any logs or screenshots? If you don't want to link them here, I'm on the same server as you and as such I'd be happy to throw some advice back your way if you are willing. /tell Sebazy Spiritwalker, I'm always afk these days, but I'm usually within earshot of my speakers, I'll do my best to ensure I respond in good time. :o

I will add, some context regarding the issues you faced would really help here as well.

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Originally Posted by Cherrytop

I'm used to more traditional healing model - me, a healer, just heal. From the garbage thrown my way I gathered I'm supposed to dps too. Apparently for most people I healed too little, dps'd too little, then healed too little, then dps'd too little... you get the idea. I admit, I'm a slow learner, and learning how to juggle healing, dps and buffs (I decided to focus on astrologian) is tough for me, since I don't get a lot of time to play in general.

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I'm going to hazard a guess that you are trying build a house before you've laid the foundations. Don't worry about your DPS yet, frankly, don't worry too much about your buffs either. Healing effectively is the very core of your job and until you get that down, don't let yourself get distracted by talk of ABC, DPS and Optimisation, it's nigh meaningless at this stage of your gameplay.

You'll see a chatter here about optimal play and things you could be trying to do, but remember that all of that means nothing if you're letting people die. These things will come to you gradually as you progress through the game and get more comfortable with your abilities and hotkey layout. You'll do best when you progress at your own pace, not anyone elses.

Some tips for you if you do decide to stick about:

Switch back to WHM, seriously, AST's card mechanics are great, but they are a distraction that I get the impression you are not ready for. WHM is just a classic brute force healer and is a no nonsense straightforward job to play, perfect for allowing you to focus on learning how the game works rather than worrying about chasing a decent card whilst your tank dies.

Communicate. This is so important i'm going to say it again in the largest bold font I can. COMMUNICATE. People will be a lot more forgiving and helpful if you just mention that you're new to the game and request that they go easy at the start of the dungeon.

Do you find yourself making the same errors repeatedly? Don't be afraid to adjust and shuffle your hotkey layout at this point. Being comfortable with your keys is vitally important.

Still making mistakes? Consider recording yourself for a completely truthful and unbiased overview on what's going wrong, on the PC you can use Shadowplay or OBS, on the PS4, consider uploading unlisted clips to your youtube account.

Wish you could stay in ffxiv (it's the best mmorpg there is). The ffxiv community is actually the best I've see. Sadly you probably found a streak of jerks in most/all your duties. Normally in ffxiv people are helpful and teach boss mechanics (though I've noticed an attitude recently where people have stopped teaching boss fights which is something I always fight against and should be called out).

Hope you give ffxiv another chance, the community is more good than bad. The bad apples are few in general, compared to most mmos.

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

I mean, I guess that ultimately depends on your definition of "advice"



Is this your definition of advice?

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You wont just get random people in every instance hurling insults at you for no reason.If there is a constant pattern its not the randoms that are causing it and its something with the individual.
Its better to get to the bottom of whats causing the conflict be it intentional or uninentional than advise the new player to be a prick back to them.

I am pretty lazy when I heal, and I've yet to have anyone throw insults at me for not dps'ing. I had someone yell at me for not aoeing on SAM once, after my tp was out from aoeing...

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

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This is the type of advice you want to avoid listening to. There is nothing good that comes from fighting rude attitudes and behavior with more rude attitudes and behavior.

All the "You don't pay my sub" excuse does is display your lack of maturity and your incompetence of not only playing with others in a group, but also your lack of communicating with them as well.


Don't be this person or heed their advice.

Byelorussia

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

Because direct verbal abuse of a player is equivalent to a dungeon taking 3 extra minutes?

Intelligent.

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This quote below pretty much lays across what I was going for with what I said.

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Originally Posted by Skivvy

Point is, if someone is being a twat, you don't stoop to their level. What good does that accomplish? All that will most likely happen is you'll end up in someone's story in the "Tales from DF" thread about this horrible sprout they ran into who wouldn't listen to advice, and claimed "you don't pay my sub!".

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With that out of the way, I'm just going to point one more thing as well. Abuse aside (which I don't condone in the first place), I've seen enough in "Tales of DF" where someone simply points out what someone else is doing wrong, as neutrally as possible and they're given the "you don't pay my sub" line. Some people view being called out as harassment. In these forums alone, I've seen people accuse others of being toxic just for disagreeing plainly with them.

I'm not discounting the OP's complaints but at the same time, I can't discount the possibility that OP could take being called out as harassment either. Either way, "You don't pay my sub" does nothing in the neutral and abusive situation. The better solution is blacklist, report for abuse and walk away. You can view this as a sign of cowardice or flatmat if you want but at the end of the day, personally, I'd rather not escalate and risk putting myself in a position where now I end up saying things I should never say in the first place than doing it to prove something.

OP never answered the single most important question asked so far. Did you buy a level boost potion?

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Originally Posted by mandodo69

OP never answered the single most important question asked so far. Did you buy a level boost potion?

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They didnt - no characters at 60.

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Originally Posted by Vidu

They didnt - no characters at 60.

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And at level 53, he/she spent enough time in dungeons to likely take repeated lashings for not DPSing. Generally speaking, a healer who keeps the group up while DPSing isn't going to catch much gripe from either camp of players who dislike healers DPSing, or those who get upset when they don't. The thing is, if you go into continuous DF instances, and you're adamant about not DPSing, you put yourself on a collision course to encounter these players at one point or another. It's an inevitable truth, I'm afraid.

It doesn't excuse the rotten behavior. Of course not. And healers who or new and/or new to an instance should be given a lot of breathing room. While it remains true that healer DPS is not required to clear content; it is also the cold hard truth that if you don't want to catch flack in PUGs, you have to play at a level that doesn't give anyone anything to complain about. For a healer, this does indeed mean that you DPS during your downtime, and also not tunnel vision the tank/group to an early grave.

Hopefully the OP has a change of heart, and can find a helpful FC with members willing to run content. It can be very satisfying weaving in offensive spells while healing. A new player should be as open-minded as they expect other people to be. It just allows for more enjoyment of the game.

Going by what the OP was saying, I don't think the DPS was the problem here.

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Originally Posted by Gemina

And at level 53, he/she spent enough time in dungeons to likely take repeated lashings for not DPSing.

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Really? That has not been my experience - well ever. Pre-60 I have never seen a healer be called out for not dpsing - even not being particularly great at the actual healing part is more likely than not to be tolerated given that the player is new.
If a Sprout healer can keep a tank up and the party healed that's more than enough in leveling dungeons and I would say the vast majority of the player base is just happy their DPS queue finally popped.

The OP had given no actual information about the situation other than he's had bad experiences healing in DF.
6 pages of arguing about speculation is mad - and achieves nothing.
Maybe he's not good at it. People do get mad at healers - it's noticeable when they aren't great; that comes with the gig.
Maybe he's taking more time to adjust to it and will get better - too many maybes to be having an argument on his behalf.
@OP I think you must have had some very bad luck if your first impressions of FFXIV were so negative - that it a shame. As other have said, perhaps you just need a bit more time to adjust to the style of healing - it is very different from other MMOs (as you said you've had experience before).
We all need players willing to heal so hopefully you'll stick it out and feel comfortable: when it clicks it clicks. If it clicks.

Ehh.

I want to feel sorry that you had to experience that, but I’ve always felt that you have to have some tough skin to play or do anything that involves the internet.

.Listen. These people do not know you. They have no clue who you actually are or what you are capable of. A few nasty words from irrelevant people that you will most likely never run into again or will even remember your name should not keep you from doing what you love or interested in.

I understand that it can be frustrating to experience this negativity, but you have to remember that you are still new and is still warranted to make mistakes, even if the people you’re playing with doesn’t think so. The only thought, word, and opinion that matters at the end of the day is YOURS.

If you want to let the game go, then so be it, but just consider the reason why you’re leaving, and ask yourself if it’s really worth it to leave a game you’ve admitted to enjoying simply because of the words of irrelevant strangers.

Sad to see you go, and will await your return

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Originally Posted by Jijifli

Healer dps can be helpful and I do encourage it (ABC, Always Be Casting,) but it sounds like they took it too much to heart. I do recommend seeing where you can fit in at least dots and try to go from there, but if you can't it's not that huge of a concern. If you have access to the Novice Network, you can ask for assistance too in there, since people are willing to help. You'll get the hang of how it works on this game eventually, I'll admit healers getting room to dps is a throw off to people used to traditional "If I stop casting heals he dies."

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Eh, i managed to level my healers with little to no dps. It helps yes but if people complain on low DPS i just leave the group

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Originally Posted by Chronons

*shrugs* Not enough evidence to know whether it was warranted or not.

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The only thing warranting hurling abuse towards a new player is them being generally rude and abusive towards the other players. In any other case you have to be patient with new players and should offer them help with any mistakes they make, as they have to learn from some place. And attacking them over their mistakes without explaining why they should do it differently doesn't count as help.

I never had any real problems in pick up groups until I started to level my white mage up in Stormblood. I had leveled two dps beforehand.

Bardam's Mettle is when it started and it continued until I hit 70. We were all still in leveling gear and many had no experience in the dungeons yet tanks would try to pull three groups at a time and dps started boss fights while tanks were still watching cutscenes. I also still messed up sometimes. (this was week 3)

I was called some of the worse things you can imagine over very silly and minor things and told more than once how my mother or myself should commit suicide for things like forgetting to use protect. I don't care if I am wiping every pull or not communicating well nobody deserves to be talked to like this even on the internet. This community was no better or worse than WoW but even there I didn't get the kind of hate I did on my whm 65-70 so I totally sympathize with the OP on this. When the time came for me to level my paladin I almost didn't bother but I ended up having none of these social problems despite making a lot more mistakes. I also noticed the healers in my groups still got jumped on for any little thing when I raised my other jobs.

As for the dpsing issue. I did very little as I leveled up and this was one thing Nobody ever complained about. I also do not care if the healer does a lot of dps in my leveling parties. I think you should start to weave that in once you are level capped and you start doing trials and 8/24 man raids. I never thought I could learn to do that but now it's second nature to do so and it really helps out.

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Originally Posted by Ilyrian

Really? That has not been my experience - well ever.

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Does your experience mirror the OP's? i.e. getting to level 53 on a healer without ever using offensive spells in PUGs? If the answer is yes, then I humbly acknowledge your experience relatable to the OP's. If it is no, then your experience reflects my own. I also haven't witnessed healers being harassed in PUGs. A large part of that is because I heal most content I do, but even when I leave the role to others it still hasn't been a problem. The biggest issue I've encountered and also endured is tank harassment. Be that is it may, just because you or I haven't experienced it ourselves, doesn't mean it isn't happening.

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Originally Posted by Ilyrian

The OP had given no actual information about the situation other than he's had bad experiences healing in DF.
6 pages of arguing about speculation is mad - and achieves nothing.
Maybe he's not good at it. People do get mad at healers - it's noticeable when they aren't great; that comes with the gig.
Maybe he's taking more time to adjust to it and will get better - too many maybes to be having an argument on his behalf.

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Exactly. So take it at face value. That is all we can do. We know that the OP has a heals-only mentality and it has lead to problems when he/she enters group content. And the DF thread is all you need to know about the endless randomness within PUGs. You give too much leeway; it's not only noticeable when a healer isn't great, they are under such a microscopic view that all of their derps stand out like a sore thumb.

I wanna tell the OP that it's just bad luck as well, but I see no reason to advise that he/she continue to rely on chance rather than taking a hold of the situation on their own.

Have you ever thought of the idea that perhaps it may not be all you, but the attitude and expectation of the server you are in?
What you can do is try a different server with a new character and check out the people there... Scout around a bit.
Healing isn't the easiest job out there...

If people start using abusive language towards you, report them.
You shouldn't have to deal with that in any game.

Also, you have the option to leave the map as well to get away from the abusive language.
Sure, I like to finish what I start. However, if people prove to me that they do not deserve my presence by treating me in sub-human format...
I leave and let them sweat a bit.

The 30 minutes away helps cool me down too...
Just do not let the community ruin the game for you.

Would be nice if the OP came back. Sounds like there are plenty of people who are willing to help them show that the community isn't as bad as they may think it is. I'd add myself to the list, as I main as AST myself.

Ragnarok is the eu raid hub as far as i have heard so that might not help. The duty finder is cross server so ques are the same. If you feel like spending a little bit of money to server hop come to Lich and look up Blue moon we are a small but very helpful fc and will help you get more comfortable with the healing role. ^^

Also will give you people to run duties with so less toxic people

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Originally Posted by Chronons

*shrugs* Not enough evidence to know whether it was warranted or not.

Regardless, its always sad to see people go. Hope you give the game another chance in the future.

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Abuse is never warranted, if someone isnt performing you can tell them without being rude.

Last night, I had a player who just very recently returned, we were doing the Great Library of Gubal and the tank pulled about the whole dungeon up to the first boss, he died blamed the healer and then left. Healer asked if he was that bad, I responded no, some people just cant STAND the dungeon taking 3 minutes more than usual, we got a new tank and it was a smooth run from then on. Point is, theres absolutely no reason to be an ***.

I'm on EU too (Louisoix), started playing last year in october. I understand that you don't want to continue if everyone is giving you such a hard time.
If you want to chat and you have discord, feel free to hit me up (Michiyo#5291). Maybe you'll want to try again one day, but there will always be negative experiences. Should not be the norm though.

I'm at work right now so could not read the whole thread ^^;

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

5 simple words:

"You don't pay my sub."

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Anyone who uses that excuse deserves a vote kick - it is quite irrelevant who is paying for a subscription.

As a healer you need to wear skin thicker than the shell of a turtle.

OK, maybe it's an unpopular opinion, but I kinda feel OP is being a spoiled brat about this whole situation. Like "boohoo, I'm getting a lot of hate, so I'm just gonna complain in the forums about it and let my sub run out".

Like, what a crappy attitude to have. How about instead of being a crybaby, you either figure out what it is they're complaining about it and try to fix it, or grow a thick skin and ignore the hate. You don't have to put up with anyone in this game if you don't want to. As a healer, if they kick you, you can find another party fast. So there really isn't anything you have to worry about. Do whatever you want, but honestly if you get yelled at repeatedly in every party you're in, you might want to figure out what you're doing that's making them want to kick you.

Now if you're definitely tired of getting yelled at, I'm gonna teach you a trick that will allow you to minimize the amount of hate you get, regardless of your healing abilities. It's very simple: as soon as you step inside the dungeon, don't - say - anything. Just literally follow the tank around from a safe distance and spam heal. You don't have to DPS. If they yell at you for not DPSing, just ignore them. Don't answer questions. Just heal. If the party wipes, doesn't matter if it was your fault or if the tank pulled too much. Respawn, use Protect, and try again.

A lot of people are just looking for a confrontation but if you stay silent and don't give in to them, they'll just go back to doing the dungeon.

You're free to quit the game if you want, but you're gonna get this sort of situation in real life as well. Except in real life you won't just be able to wait for your subscription to run off. You're gonna have to learn to deal with shitty people sooner or later, so my advice is you might as well start now. Don't let toxic people stop you from enjoying a game you seem to be liking.

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Originally Posted by MistakeNot

Anyone who uses that excuse deserves a vote kick - it is quite irrelevant who is paying for a subscription.

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In dungeons thats usually my response to someone saying it XD.
Its only way to teach those kind of players any manners.

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Originally Posted by Chronons

*shrugs* Not enough evidence to know whether it was warranted or not.

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Abuse is never warranted. It is also against the ToS and should be reported.

OP - Healing can be tough. You need a thick skin if you are going to level a healer using DF.
I have been called out for dpsing (nobody died, tank just said it was my job to heal) and then I've been called out for not dpsing enough. You simply can't please everyone, and if things go pear-shaped, you're usually the first person to be blamed.

My advice would be to find an active, helpful FC and run dungeons/level with them. I'd also switch back to WHM as it's a simpler class than AST.

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Originally Posted by mandodo69

OP never answered the single most important question asked so far. Did you buy a level boost potion?

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Their linked character has no level 60 jobs. Level boost boosts to 60. This character could not have used a level boost potion. People can stop asking this question.

I would like to know the situations OP has experienced, but I guess they're gone already.

I have personally never seen anyone being rude to a healer who doesn't DPS. I myself am a person who will bring it up, though, if I see a healer would clearly have a chance for it but doesn't. Usually one of the two things will happen (these are real examples from the past few weeks):

<Me> Hey WHM, don't be afraid to do some Holy! ^^
<WHM> Ok ^^
>>> WHM proceedes to use some Holy, in the end of the run I thank everyone for the great run and the WHM receives 3 commendations (I queued with 2 friends).

<Me> Hey healer, don't be afraid to do some DPS when no one is in any danger! ^^
<Healer> Are you telling me how to play my job? YOU BETTER NOT BE TELLING ME HOW TO PLAY MY JOB?!?!
>>> Healer starts acting rudely and being defensive (although in this particular case, after I explained to them about my own healer experience in this game and how to use some DPS abilities easily, they did start doing some DPS in the end :))

Some players, in the position of the healer, would read that second situation as "being harassed", especially if they have first answered rudely / defensively and then other party members have also responded with a harsher tone.

I'm 100% against any harassment and rudeness towards our fellow players, and will always try to step up and talk against it and report the player acting like that. However, from experience I also know that some people have difficulties making a difference between constructive feedback and harassment, so it's hard to judge situations without seeing the logs. In any case, it sucks feeling like you're being bullied when you just want to enjoy a new game you've only recently started.

I played on the EU servers for a little while, I had very similar experiences. I truly believe it is more the cultural diversity than anything intentionally vicious.
However, it's also the foul, entitled attitudes that push me to play on NA servers - NA servers are filled to bursting with the bastards, however, they aren't malicious, they're some how friendly even when they're being total dicks.
(This is in no way an attack on anymore, just observations and experiences).

The upside to XIV though, you don't HAVE to play with a-holes if you don't want to. If you keep getting the same people, put them on /blist. Further more, this is the really really important part right here.
PLAY HOW YOU WANT TO! IT'S YOUR GAME, YOUR SUB, YOUR PLAY TIME! :)

PS: Whm is easier. Just throw an Aero out occassionally, and if no one is dying, just press Stone a few times, there's no juggling like their used to be.

Had a longer thing in mind but as I am a lazy cat will simply say.
IMHO, if a healer is not comfortable dpsing due to being new to the game or the content then I would rather see them first focus on healing, then slowly increase their dps as they get more comfortable with the game and content. The thinking around ABC does not really apply until a player know the ABC of their chosen job.

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Originally Posted by Solarra

Abuse is never warranted. It is also against the ToS and should be reported.

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While I wholeheartdly agree with this, we also dont know what excatly happend - what was said to the OP in which situtaion etc.

I mention that because I've been called "rude" for giving advice before - advice that I gave in a very polite, neutral but also short matter ("Tankname, can you use more flash, please" - stuff like that. Not sugar coating that someone needs to up their game, not writing a novel with a lot of apologies for even pointing out a mistake and then begging for someone to do something they should have done in the first place. Some people consider this harrassment already, I assume...)

I'm not saying that harrassment/abuse isnt happening - people can be very rude, no denying that. But without the actual context we can hardly tell what happend here and how much was actual verbal abuse - and how much was some sort of advice that even though it might have been put in a short sentence without a lot of "please, sorry and thank you" but was recived as harrassment by the OP - which would be sad aswell but at least as an easy counter-meassure: Practice and learning the class beforehand and letting your party know that you're still getting used to it.

OP has both AST and WHM leveled around/above 50 - thats an amount of playtime after which people can rightfully expect a person to have grasped the basics of their class. We dont know wether or not OP has - I'm not even talking about DPSing or using AST-cards.
I'm talking about not applying regen pre-pull, picking a stance as AST, knowing when to use cure1/2/3.
I'm talking about sticking to the group, not standing around or running off in different directions.
I'm talking about communicating - letting your party know you're still learning and asking for pointers and being open for those. (Yes, yes, everyone can see the sprout icon and assume that someone is still learning when seeing that but its really, really nice when that person signals "Hey, I also would like to learn" - ...personally I've also been yelled at for giving to advice to a sprout that was an alt from someone... either way, better to just speak up real quick)

We all had to learn at one point or another - so I wholeheartly agree with the suggestion to look for a friendly FC/LS/friends who will be patient enough to teach someone the ropes.
But also to keep an open mind... you dont have to be a doormat for others, but you're also doing no one a favour queuing for higher level dungeons when you didnt quite understand how to play your class yet. Again... in regards to OP I can only speculate there...

Seeing how Odin and Ragnarok share a datacenter, I wouldnt mind joining OP for a few dungeons and give my honest, but hopefully polite feedback and advice on how to improve - should OP come back to read all of this... hit me up, if you want!

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Originally Posted by Kaldaka

PLAY HOW YOU WANT TO! IT'S YOUR GAME, YOUR SUB, YOUR PLAY TIME! :)

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...again terrible advice like this...
No, you dont play how you want - there are basics every class needs to fullfill.
No, its not your game - its SEs game... that they're sharing with millions of people, you're merely one of them.
No, its not your playtime - its the playtime of everyone in the duty. Respect that.
Yes, it might be your sub/money - but that doesnt entitled you to just do what you want.

You can do all of that in a solo-game or on solo-content in this game. Disregarding the time, effort and presence of your fellow teammates in a DF-party is the first step to abuse. And its you whos taking it.
You dont have to take abuse or harrassment in any way or form in this game, that much is correct.
But you cant play how you want either, you're not alone in a dungeon and if your style of playing is interferring with the enjoyment of the run for the other 3/7/23 people in that dungeon you open yourself to advice/comments. If you take a defensive stance by claiming "I play how I want" you'd deserve a votekick right and there.

TL;DR.: Thats a shitty attitude to bring to a team-game. Leave it at home or stick to solo-games.

I don't mind the "play how you want to" advice. But if you want to be a dick and/or not play your job properly, don't act surprised when people treat you like garbage.

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Originally Posted by Kaldaka

I played on the EU servers for a little while, I had very similar experiences. I truly believe it is more the cultural diversity than anything intentionally vicious.
However, it's also the foul, entitled attitudes that push me to play on NA servers - NA servers are filled to bursting with the bastards, however, they aren't malicious, they're some how friendly even when they're being total dicks.
(This is in no way an attack on anymore, just observations and experiences).



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Actually Europeans tend to fight a lot less than other nations especially in gaming.Im not sure where you get the idea about different cultures creating conflict.We're not living in the medieval times anymore.

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Originally Posted by Metalwrath

Im not sure where you get the idea about different cultures creating conflict.

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Personally, I watched a lot more racism and hatred, even experienced a fair amount when I was of Ragnarok for a few months, than I ever have on NA servers. Things may be different now, but from the experiences I've had, I don't have a very fond outlook on them. My assumption of it being cultural diversity, is because of personal experiences.
I have no ill will against them, I just can't understand where it comes from, or why.
Though at the same time, a lot of things (for example) that my irl Spanish friends think is fine, is highly inappropriate: ie "I hate you", said in jest, or not, it's inappropriate and is easy to misconstrue.

That's what I'm getting at. Do understand now?

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Originally Posted by Kaldaka

Personally, I watched a lot more racism and hatred, even experienced a fair amount when I was of Ragnarok for a few months, than I ever have on NA servers. Things may be different now, but from the experiences I've had, I don't have a very fond outlook on them. My assumption of it being cultural diversity, is because of personal experiences.
I have no ill will against them, I just can't understand where it comes from, or why.
Though at the same time, a lot of things (for example) that my irl Spanish friends think is fine, is highly inappropriate: ie "I hate you", said in jest, or not, it's inappropriate and is easy to misconstrue.

That's what I'm getting at. Do understand now?

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I play on Ragnarok and I don't see what you are seeing.

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Originally Posted by Vidu

...again terrible advice like this...

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I Understand your opinion, but we're both running on assumption here. Neither of us know the circumstances, however a player should never be treated like they're inferior under any circumstances.
If you (objective) don't like how they're playing then take the penalty and let them actually learn at their own pace, learn from their mistakes in their time. Being an absolute nut job because they're unable to heal you through pulling everything as far as the first boss, or not knowing how a specific tank does it's rotation, etc does NOT give anyone the right to be horrible.

The ONLY thing being horrible will do is drive people away, more so since it's the attacker thinking they are mightier than thou.

Again, as repeated often: down to interpretation of events.
In the end, everyone needs to just chill, have some patience and respect.