Warning about handing out wedding invites

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

Not one person in this thread has defended them. They were idiots yes, but you can't take the fault away from the OP for not expecting something like it to happen. They're both to blame.

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Bull. That's like asking someone, "What were you wearing?"

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Originally Posted by Naunet

Bull. That's like asking someone, "What were you wearing?"

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That doesn't make one bit of sense at all. We clearly stated that people like that very much exist, and is to be expected to get people like that if you just invite people at random. It's a huge chance that you will pick up trolls. No one ever defended them saying they were right in doing so. It's a completely different thing.

We invited randoms since we had lots of invites left since it fell on xmass day early. Everyone that came was really cool. We even had some new players that had never been to the zone. So we walked them to aetheryte and then to chapel.

It is a risk. But I wasn't to worried. Its not like you see them in the CS. For me the potential fun was out weighed by the potential trolls.

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

There is a way to prevent harassment in the wedding; don't invite people you don't know. It is that simple.

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That is the issue. Harassment should be prevented.

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Originally Posted by Naunet

Bull. That's like asking someone, "What were you wearing?"

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And that as well. So many people stating the obvious. Yeah, there are trolls, yeah they do mess things up for you. But that doesn't mean they should bring OP down all the damn time instead of giving actual useful feedback on the matter. There are risks for all sorts of things, it is just like FCs getting robbed and game masters not doing anything. It is a very very gray zone to meddle in, but sometimes inaction breeds nothing but more problems that can be prevented by both player awareness and SE's actions.

But again, you bring SE in again to 'take action'. SE has done nothing wrong here, the invites are meant to be for friends and trusted people. Like when you park your car in a parking lot, you take a ticket and leave it there. If anything happens to your car, it's down to you, not the people who own the parking lot. This is not down to SE to sort out.

It's nice that the OP wanted to be helpful, but the online world is not pretty when you just include anyone and everyone.

You also complain about not bringing in useful feedback, where exactly is yours? Your only suggestion is to add something that shouldn't even need to be a thing in the first place.

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

Your only suggestion is to add something that shouldn't even need to be a thing in the first place.

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Of course it should be a thing. Any time you have an instance that you can bring other people in, you should be able to remove them as well.

If you didn't understand my reference of "what were you wearing", I suggest you think about when that kind of question gets inappropriately asked of someone. Blaming the victim is never okay.

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Originally Posted by Naunet

Of course it should be a thing. Any time you have an instance that you can bring other people in, you should be able to remove them as well.

If you didn't understand my reference of "what were you wearing", I suggest you think about when that kind of question gets inappropriately asked of someone. Blaming the victim is never okay.

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This is hardly a case as serious as something like that. In this case, partial blame is on the 'victim' for not thinking ahead. Sure he was trying to be nice, but he should not of just assumed everyone would fall in line in an online game. Also, the idea of the invitations, as has been stated so many times, was always to be for friends, FC members, LS members, and people you know and trust who would turn up to your wedding, not for the reward, but for you and your partner, people who would actually care for the wedding and treat it with respect. It was never intended to just be given out like raffle tickets and have expectations that all the wide variety of attitudes and character would shift into the mold of the setting, especially when said raffle winners are usually only there for the minion and likely have no care for the Bride and Groom at all.

This is not an SE problem, and there should be no kick feature as there should be no one invited who would need it.

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

But again, you bring SE in again to 'take action'. SE has done nothing wrong here, the invites are meant to be for friends and trusted people. Like when you park your car in a parking lot, you take a ticket and leave it there. If anything happens to your car, it's down to you, not the people who own the parking lot. This is not down to SE to sort out.

It's nice that the OP wanted to be helpful, but the online world is not pretty when you just include anyone and everyone.

You also complain about not bringing in useful feedback, where exactly is yours? Your only suggestion is to add something that shouldn't even need to be a thing in the first place.

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SE is not only the parking law owner. They are THE LAW. They are the ones who set rules, and they are the ones who enforce the rules. So if your car does get stolen, SE is both the parking lot owner and the police, and that is why they should take action. Not necessarily in this case, but in the future, if it is possible to prevent trolls, why the heck not? Trolls disappear without a trace from these forums already. It doesn't even have to be a manual action taken by mods, rather a button. Like a vote kick for example.

Furthermore, any sort of feedback, apart from the backlash the community has given, is very welcome. More warnings, personal experiences, anything, but the tone this started with was awful. I don't complain, I am just trying to open eyes and points of view that so many people turn their blind eye to.

And I see the best contradiction was saved for last. '[To] add something that shouldn't even need to be a thing in the first place' - yes, it shouldn't even be a thing, because people should know how to behave and think about their actions. But as all of you were so keen and persistent in pointing out - they do not - and therefore it is, alas, needed. If we have an opportunity to stand up for people and a safe atmosphere in game and during events, why wouldn't we?

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

This is not an SE problem, and there should be no kick feature as there should be no one invited who would need it.

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Resonable argument, but I have seen a fair share of green leafs coming for the experience and the minion. Point? The gesture was supposed to be a nice thing for those strangers, despite being perhaps a little bit naive.

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

The only one not to blame here is SE, who people are trying to pit the blame on by telling them to fix it

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So...just to clarify...

If anyone makes a suggestion for a feature in FFXIV they are blaming SE?

Why? I don't get it.

Why is making a suggestion or request automatically blaming SE. Isn't it just a suggestion? Can we not suggest things? Feedback isn't a thing? Are you just mindlessly on the defense for SE here or something that you can't understand that making a suggestion isn't blaming?

I am okay with the Eternal Bond couple having the power to remove people from their own bonding if they want. I've seen some EBs where people only invited "friends" and some of these people they thought were "friends" (FC/LS) have been disruptive (not as bad as OP, but still). So I wouldn't mind if people had a choice to remove someone if they proved afterwards to be undeserving of an invite even if they were supposed to be friends. So I think it is a good suggestion.

OP's post is good. It is a warning that others not make that mistake since currently there is no way to remove guests who troll.

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Originally Posted by Miste

Why is making a suggestion or request automatically blaming SE. Isn't it just a suggestion? Can we not suggest things? Feedback isn't a thing? Are you just mindlessly on the defense for SE here or something that you can't understand that making a suggestion isn't blaming?.

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Making suggestions is fine and all, but calling it a 'fix' suggests that the system is broken and SE would be the cause of said broken system, therefore puts them in a blaming situation.

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Originally Posted by Miste

I am okay with the Eternal Bond couple having the power to remove people from their own bonding if they want. I've seen some EBs where people only invited "friends" and some of these people they thought were "friends" (FC/LS) have been disruptive (not as bad as OP, but still). So I wouldn't mind if people had a choice to remove someone if they proved afterwards to be undeserving of an invite even if they were supposed to be friends. So I think it is a good suggestion.

OP's post is good. It is a warning that others not make that mistake since currently there is no way to remove guests who troll.

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Valid point. As if all can learn to trust a dozen people before going through with the EB. There can be people from your friends list or FC members who will decide that 'oh this is just a game' and troll. I would kick my own brother if he concluded it was so funny to ruin something I had been looking forward to, even if it is 'just a game'.

Or should we all just do EB without any guests? Safe bet aye.

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Originally Posted by Settiesama

Making suggestions is fine and all, but calling it a 'fix' suggests that the system is broken and SE would be the cause of said broken system, therefore puts them in a blaming situation.

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Nitpicking about words I see. A problem needs a fix. So, since we are experiencing a problem (issue) with trolls and asshats, it needs a FIX. Mind blown. I know.

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Originally Posted by Synrin

So many of you are babbling about the truth. The truth? I just attended a wedding (literally 10 minutes ago) of a couple who was handing out their invitations in Gridania. I never saw either of them before, had no clue who the guests were.... But guess what, everyone was nice, and nothing bad happened. No bad emote spams, skill spams... Nothing, it was lovely despite all the new strange faces.

If you have nothing nice or constructive to say it may be more worth to keep your mouth shut. Obligatory congrats to the lovely couple on Cerberus, hope you have a lovely time together!

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Good for you, you got lucky, it happens. As the OP posted, not everyone gets lucky. I'm sorry but a gamble is not something I'd want to happen on a special day let alone mine.

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Originally Posted by Just-Communication

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i don't disagree with you, but it's pretty crappy that instead of expecting people to be less appalling we're told "you deserved it" because sometimes we want to have faith in people. like the guy whose FC was trashed and had 100m gil stolen from. yeah, he could have prevented it, but instead of being bothered, he just gets bashed about it. they STOLE something and HE got crap for it. it's sad.

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Originally Posted by Dizzy

are you not bothered at all that people are so crappy sometimes that they do stuff like this, when OP was just trying to be nice and get people a free minion if they wanted?

pretty sad that you can\\\\\\'t do a friendly gesture. i\\\\\\'m sorry your wedding was ruined from it.

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I was thinking of doing the same thing but will probably just shout on Hunting Linkshell to prevent a similar occurrence at mine. Sad that people would do this at something special like a marriage.

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Originally Posted by wf82

Just thought I would post to warn about what happened to us, after planning our wedding, the invites we had left we thought we would shout out to see if anyone wanted to attend and get the minion if they needed it, well that was a really bad idea, we got totally trolled, the ceremony was completely wrecked with nasty shouts etc, just wanted to post a warning about what happened, hopefully save some other couples day from getting spoiled :( just be careful who you hand them out to

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Luckily, they've integrated an eternal bond anniversary ceremony. If you're planning on staying for at least a year you will be able to make the ceremony again, hopefully with a better experience this time. :)

All but one of my weddings had at least some randoms (still have three marriages to go at some point) and I've never had any bad experiences.

Oh when my friend and I did a renewal of our vows we got some entertaining comments but nothing in bad t

Sorry you didn't get the same experience.

Dang That really sucks that happened to you. I've been to quite a few random weddings and it's always gone really well... Sorry you got some bad eggs. But hey, look forward to your anniversary?