Anxiety over Savage

Sorry, but I need to vent.

I have been playing since a year after ARR, and for the most part, love the game. I can clear MOST content with a little practice, except Savages. I just can't do them. I just can't keep up with it. Yes, I know it's just repetition and knowing the fight, but when you have to have perfect timing while a bunch of things are going off at the same time, and you have to stand in one spot while doing thing unless this is happening, then you go there.... I can't do it. My brain gets fried and I panic.

My issue is that I suffer from anxiety (in high pressure situations) and depression, especially right now, due to recent family events. Normally, this doesn't bother me in-game much. I can usually muddle through an EX with little problem. But when I go into a savage, I get quiet and nervous. I have serious trouble keeping up with the mechanics. And when I die (which usually snowballs into the raid wiping), my anxiety skyrockets. I start shaking.

I have an awesome FC, but they don't know how bad I get in raids. And yes, when I die and get frustrated, they say it's okay, just keep practicing. They cheer me on. But all I hear in my head is "You're a failure!", "Why do you get screwing up?", "Why are you stupid?" I can't take it. Hell, when they ask if I wanna try it again, I get scared, and sadly, rather blunt with my refusals (if anyone from my FC reads this, I'm sorry for my bluntness).

So I stay away from Savages. I can do all the other content, I can deal with trolls and bad parties and horrid healers (I main both DRK and MNK). But Savages just scare the hell out of me. And I am fine with that. I'm fine with never seeing God Kefka or Neo Ex-Death or ever getting any Ultimate Bahamut Gold Weapons, or even clearing any Final Coils (yes, I haven't cleared ANY of those).

Way back, I wanted to be the best tank or Monk. The one that you hear people talk about, that can survive anything, can down anything. But now, I'll just be happy with people not hating me.

And that's okay. Savage is just not for you. You shouldn't feel bad for stepping down but I think you should tell your friends/static and they should understand. Maybe some day you will feel brave and confident and try it again but for now, if it stresses you, please drop it for the sake of your own health. At the end, this is a game and it should be fun, not stressful.

Stepping down or admitting you can't handle certain situation isn't failing, it's being responsible towards your own self. :)

Oh man, I can sympathize so hard with you. I'm also in treatment for depression and anxiety, and I've used FFXIV as a coping mechanism in many ways; it keeps me busy and engaged when I'm in a funk. I still have minor anxiety around roulettes and playing with other people, even the friendly ones in my own FC who I chat with on discord. I don't want to disappoint anyone, especially the people I like and admire. And I know I'm not the best player - I'm average at best, but I try hard to do what I can.

I simply don't do Savage. And I've said so in my FC, that I'm pretty casual and not a raider, and no one makes any kind of fuss over it. Different people play the game for different reasons - not everyone needs to be into the harder content. And despite what your jerkbrain tries to tell you, for the most part people aren't super concerned with what others are doing with their time in the game. So I'd say just find a niche you enjoy and try to let go of that worry about being The Best (I know, I know, easier said than done). Your FC would probably be supportive of you regardless if they're as nice as you say.

Good luck!

I feel the exact same way you do. I also have anxiety and depression. The times I messed with Savage, when I would die my thoughts would be "Why are you even here? You aren't good enough."

I even stopped doing ex fights for that reason. If I prevent the group from clearing because I die, I just hate myself. I don't want to inconvenience other people.

Lots of people have anxiety(myself included!) so i'm sure they'll understand. I'd suggest talking with someone professionally about it if you have not done so already. They can really help make a difference!

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Originally Posted by Omegaher0

OP

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Thanks for sharing. its really more of a mental thing with most players rather than an ability to perform their class well. Hit me up any time ^^ (I can leave my personal discord info for you if you want).

As a side note, I often feel like with savage content, you just need to break down "the wall". You break down the wall usually when you have seen the entire fight and have got to the end without dying. For whatever reason, when this happens to me, I feel as if nothing will stop me from getting the clear, whether it be in a full on PuG or a static... theres just something about knowing youve seen it all, from start to end, that fills you with confidence (at least personally). I came back to the game a little before 4.2 and was terrified of o5s, but once I saw the enrage, quickly cleared it and then got o6 in the same night. No more oogly booglys about it.

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Originally Posted by Adeacia

I feel the exact same way you do. I also have anxiety and depression. The times I messed with Savage, when I would die my thoughts would be "Why are you even here? You aren't good enough."

I even stopped doing ex fights for that reason. If I prevent the group from clearing because I die, I just hate myself. I don't want to inconvenience other people.

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I feel like alot of people actually feel this way though, but also miss the point a bit... the people that are going to be inconvenienced by a wipe or 2 or 5 arent the type of people you want to play with anyway. There are raiders, and there are hardcore fflogs orange world firsters... they have a right to feel inconvenienced, but you would also never be in a party with them. The other people are just a**hats.

I can't do savage either <hugs>

Yes, there's no need to beat yourself up if savage isn't right for you. While yes, I've been gradually working past my own anxiety and depression to wade into the savage content in the last couple months with a little bit of success, my coping strategies may or may not work for others. As such, I won't try to tell you how to go about managing the stress. If you think you can find your own ways to mitigate your anxiety and keep working on savage, then by all means give it a shot. But if you find it's more than you're comfortable with, then don't push yourself. It's a game, and you should focus on content which you find fun and/or relaxing. Everyone's experience is different, and there's no need to prove anything doing something that causes stress. Whatever it is you decide to do, I wish you the best!

My issue is I have been looking for a raid group since 4.0 and still found nothing lasting so far. I made a static recently which fell apart before we started raiding due to a key member having personal issues. And I'm not dealing with PF. PF groups rarely ever clear, I've maybe seen one clear out of 50 attempts in PF so far :/

I used to be the same way thinking I can't do savage which is why I skipped out on Gordias and A little of Midas. Though now that everything is basically creator level I think I can not be stressed so much and have fun. I really do enjoy raiding but i'm not an excessive raider like 3 times a week. I much prefer twice a week and I'm not even sure how people raid everyday without pulling their hair out. Either way, I feel like savage isn't challenging but just the right fit for me atm to have something to work towards. Yeah, gear gets pointless but if that's the case why grind tomes at all?

Bottom line is.... get people you know or are friends with and play with them if you are so anxious. At least that way nobody will be pointing fingers and such.

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Originally Posted by Sylvina

My issue is I have been looking for a raid group since 4.0 and still found nothing lasting so far. I made a static recently which fell apart before we started raiding due to a key member having personal issues. And I'm not dealing with PF. PF groups rarely ever clear, I've maybe seen one clear out of 50 attempts in PF so far :/

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I cleared O5-O7S with PF randoms. In fact, I killed O5 and O6 week 1 with random pugs. I cleared O7 about 2 weeks later, because some IRL stuff kept me off the game for about a week. All in pugs. It wasn't until I got to O8 that I saw I was going to need a static.

I did the same thing in Delta. Puged O1-O3, but pugs had way too hard a time with exdeath so I found a static.

Some tips for pugging:

1. Make sure your play is 100% on point. That means that you can guarantee that you're not the weak link. This helps with #2. If you're even remotely unfamiliar with an iteration of a mechanic, join learning parties to practice it, don't bog down a clear/farm
   
2. Keep track of who you group with. Add friends, add people to blacklist, etc. Good players that see you are reliable and good will invite you back on later weeks or on later progression
   
3. If you're not parsing, you should start. This is a time saver. If you join a group and you see that avg DPS is only 16k, give it one or two more pulls, but do not waste your time in that group, find a different one.
   
4. Early week is always better than late week. Join groups with clear descriptions or rules. These are generally stronger parties. Anything that says insulting stuff, avoid them, usually these are players who are tilted. NO one plays well when tilted. Filling in for statics is usually a decent way to go

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Originally Posted by Omegaher0

But all I hear in my head is "You're a failure!", "Why do you get screwing up?", "Why are you stupid?" I can't take it. Hell, when they ask if I wanna try it again, I get scared, and sadly, rather blunt with my refusals (if anyone from my FC reads this, I'm sorry for my bluntness)..

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I don't have anxiety so I may be WAY off base here.

Here's what you do when your brain starts telling you stuff like this.

Apologize to your party, say you need 2 quick mins. Stand up and stretch and answer those questions in your mind while stretching.

Why are you stupid? Why did you screw up? etc. Be honest with yourself and you can fix it.

I'm a fairly decent player, I parse in the 90% range, but I make mistakes just like everyone else. I even have off nights, and sometimes I even get tilted and play like a complete waste of a tank.

There's always an answer and it's not that I'm not good enough and I suspect it isn't for you either. Sometimes it's I don't actually understand a mechanic. I understand what to do and where to be, but I don't understand why, so if anything goes off script it's hard to recover. Sometimes it was because I got greedy. Sometimes I got lazy, etc. There's always a reason. So dig deep, and fight back. If you own it, not only can no other player hurt you with it, but neither can your anxiety.

I wont blacklist someone simply for being bad at the game. I only blacklist people for being jerks.

Maybe you are just bad at the game?

People needs to stop thinking that anxiety is the main soruce of al his problems.

you should stop playing savage then... why people like to be so "drama queen"?

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Originally Posted by Sylvina

My issue is I have been looking for a raid group since 4.0 and still found nothing lasting so far. I made a static recently which fell apart before we started raiding due to a key member having personal issues. And I'm not dealing with PF. PF groups rarely ever clear, I've maybe seen one clear out of 50 attempts in PF so far :/

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I’m in a static, but occasionally I’ll pop in a 1 chest to help groups out. Other than God Kefka (I seem to have about a 50% success rate with it), most groups I go with clear within an instance. Considering this is supposed to be the hardest content other than Ultimate, that doesn’t seem so bad to me. Maybe it’d get annoying clearing every week like that, but I guess that’s why you’d join a static. How have you advertised yourself? Are you against using Reddit or Party Finder? Do you use FFLogs like a resume?

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Originally Posted by Lengue

you should stop playing savage then... why people like to be so "drama queen"?

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Because I just wanted to vent. I've only tried Savage a few times and they all ended with me shaking because I kept dying and couldn't keep up. I'm sorry. I'll go away.

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Originally Posted by Omegaher0

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Omega, fellow Siren player here. I very much understand your issues - going through something related, though not quite similar, with you. Can you specifically name what's causing you grief? If you have a discord, you're more than welcome to chat with me there Kaiva#6875. I'm online quite a bit in-game as well, so if you need some help, I'm usually available too.

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Originally Posted by Mokkabron

Maybe you are just bad at the game?

People needs to stop thinking that anxiety is the main soruce of al his problems.

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Would you say this to someone who has a phobia towards snakes? Or how about a kid bullied in school to "just ignore them." Psychologists have been saying for years now how bad that advice was.

While some people may exaggerate or blame ulterior factors beyond themselves, Savage can be an incredibly stressful environment no matter your skill level. You have to co-existent with seven other people and perform an essential choreographic series of mechanics; each generally more difficult than what came before. People easily stressed or prone to anxiety attacks will struggle significantly more so than others. This likely extends beyond video games and into their day to day life, especially in severe cases. Attempting to generalize everyone who claims anxiety a factor in why Savage may be difficult only shows ignorance on the subject itself.

Just stick to expert rouletes, eureka, or primal extremes, if savage is causing you stress or anxiety your not required to do it very simple solution.

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Originally Posted by Mokkabron

Maybe you are just bad at the game?

People needs to stop thinking that anxiety is the main soruce of al his problems.

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Spoken like someone who has never suffered from anxiety a day in their life.

Anxiety is not rational; it causes you to think irrationally with regards to everything. And, as someone who has suffered from intense anxiety for well over 10 years, has been to therapy for it, and who still has to take medication sometimes to get it under control during stressful periods, I firmly believe OP is suffering from it based alone on the comments about that little voice in the back of his mind telling him he isn't good enough. I also have that voice that screams to me about everything if it is anything but perfection; and supporting comments from friends and family are not always enough to make it shut up. It tends to just scream louder over them.

It's incredibly insensitive to try and say someone who you don't even know is "just bad at the game" because you cannot sympathize with what it's like to be truly anxious over every little thing. If you ever have suffered from anxiety, well your post says otherwise in its ignorance. If you have, then why don't you try to be a tad more sympathetic towards someone who just came to a forum to share his concerns, and hopefully find someone who can give him some advice that stems from experience with these very same issues.


To OP, ignoring that voice in your head is one of the hardest things to do. But I believe that you can do it. If you have a good support system (i.e., a good static or a good set of friends), then I think they can go a long way to help you in talking down that little voice. Don't give up. Keep trying. Even if you don't believe in yourself right now, your friends do. Let them help you foster that esteem in yourself. Anxiety is really hard, but it can be fought and overcome. Keep trying! I believe in you!

I suffer from the same things you do. I managed to clear Neo in Deltascape, and I'm on God Kefka now in Sigmascape. Keep trying!! It may take several attempts, but keep picking yourself back up. And tell that voice to shove it whenever it starts to scream.

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Originally Posted by Lengue

you should stop playing savage then... why people like to be so "drama queen"?

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Because sharing one's concerns makes them a drama queen?

Why do people have so little empathy these days... it's incredibly disheartening.


OP, don't listen to posts like this. Pay attention more to the positive advice people are giving you. If you truly want to continue Savage, lean on your support system and listen to them over that annoying little voice. If it ends up causing you too much anxiety in the end, there is no shame in not doing Savage. Recognizing that it would be unhealthy for you is actually very mature, in my opinion. It shows that you know what's best for yourself, and that you want to do what's best for yourself to keep yourself happy and healthy.

I think you've already found your solution, OP. If you don't enjoy it, don't do it. It's a game and you can play it however you want.

It'd be really nice if SE built a solo 'practice mode' for Savage-level content, something that put you into a simulated sort of experience (maybe one without damage being dealt) so that you could practice the mechanics until you got it right. Or, hell, even a 'practice mode' that people could form parties for, that did trivial amounts of damage but instead gave pass/fail grades on mechanics and repeated them as necessary until everyone figured it out. There's a lot they could do, albeit it'd require a nontrivial amount of effort from the development team.

That said, I think it could open Savage up for a lot of players. I know I avoid Savage because involving other people in my learning stages is something I find quite stressful, even if the party is set up for precisely this purpose. It'd be interesting to see how many players would embrace the harder content if it were just a bit more comfortable for them to learn...

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Originally Posted by Vhailor

It'd be really nice if SE built a solo 'practice mode' for Savage-level content, something that put you into a simulated sort of experience (maybe one without damage being dealt) so that you could practice the mechanics until you got it right. Or, hell, even a 'practice mode' that people could form parties for, that did trivial amounts of damage but instead gave pass/fail grades on mechanics and repeated them as necessary until everyone figured it out. There's a lot they could do, albeit it'd require a nontrivial amount of effort from the development team.

That said, I think it could open Savage up for a lot of players. I know I avoid Savage because involving other people in my learning stages is something I find quite stressful, even if the party is set up for precisely this purpose. It'd be interesting to see how many players would embrace the harder content if it were just a bit more comfortable for them to learn...

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So much this, I would love that! Omegaher, some people have given great advice in this thread so I won't rehash that, but I would strongly suggest one thing that can help with the anxiety, or at least possibly relieve it... running things unsynced solo, you can learn tactics, improve your response times and reflexes, as well as your keybinds and UI... having a good set up you're comfortable can be a huge help, make use of macros as well. I'm having a blast doing the Ex Primals at the moment, without the anxiety I'm learning the strategy a lot quicker. Once I'm comfortable with that, I'll run it with people synced ;) And it's ok to make mistakes, no-one is perfect, so don't be too hard on yourself :) I would find raiding personally stressful as well, not my cup of tea, but never say never :)

Edit: Just noticed you're a tank, I'd say solo stuff unsynced with a healer friend :p

SAVAAAGE!

You're right. Savage is SCARY STUFF! D; But you know... the more you do it, the better you will get. Even if Kefka is too much for you to handle right now, you can give Exdeath a try. Yes you will mess up a lot, but everyone messes up when they're still learning the fight. It's perfectly normal. And if people aren't messing up, it means they probably aren't taking any risks. Which means their DPS will be crap. No one - absolutely no one - goes into a new fight without dying tons of times to mechanics that later become very very easy to avoid.

You just have to keep practicing. With every death, you will learn something new, until you get to the point where your deaths will barely ever happen. And when they DO happen, it'll be because you apparently didn't know everything you needed to know. But guess what! NOW DO YOU! Or at least, now you're one step closer to knowing everything there is to know about the fight. And all because you messed up.

You all need to get the heck out of my head. Seriously. Especially OP. I have clinically diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder and generalized depressive disorders. Not self-diagnosed. Not "I get a little nervous." These are things that have been diagnosed by several specialists over the years and things I have taken several different medications to control over the years.

I want to do savage. I really do. I know I could be good enough, but I get super anxious when I feel that I am subjectively doing worse than everyone else. Even if I know I'm at the top of the DPS list for the group, I oftentimes feel like I'm just not doing well enough.


I tried O5S with the members of a static in my FC and despite having watched the video about half a dozen times, I somehow blanked out and missed the push ghost right at the beginning and died. At that moment, my anxiety hit the ceiling (because they were calling it out at the same time as well and I don't know how I just didn't do the mechanic correctly). When I died almost immediately after being raised (not sure why I died), and voice chat became very quiet before we wiped, my anxiety went through the roof. Hearing some of the things on voice chat about how the raid leader knew I would die and that's fine, but everyone else needed to get with it, I broke down. I already had my mic muted but by now I was in tears of frustration and had to tell one of my friends in the group to let them know I was backing out. I couldn't even voice it myself. No one contested it vocally although the one friend did tell me privately to keep going but at that point I was a mess. They did say I was doing better than they did on their first run (but my anxiety makes me believe they were saying that to be polite because I quite literally died 10 seconds into the fight). I had told them to find my EB partner as he was better, but they wanted a caster, and I knew this would happen. When I left, I told them to get him and they did. An hour later, they'd cleared it and have continued to clear it and O6S three times a week since. They're working on O7S now.

Every time I consider going back in, I feel my anxiety start to ramp up and my heart rate start to increase.

I practice on the O5S dummy multiple times a day; I research various tips for my class all the time; I watch videos of BLM povs for fights, I read and read the forums and The Balance discord server, and Reddit, for tips about BLM. I work on different melds (I'm in full Eureka gear now and I've melded for just over 1900 spell speed and the rest Crit and Direct). I can kill the O5S dummy usually with about 20 seconds to spare, with an average of around 5500-6100 on the log.

I know I could do the raid but the thought of letting 7 other people down or contributing to wipes because I hold myself to higher standards than I hold other people, absolutely paralyzes me.

Someone suggested there being a practice mode and I would absolutely love that. I know that once I see all the mechanics a few times, I get really really good at working with them. That is something my EB partner has said before: I have zero patience with myself initially, but when I'm forced to continue and eventually see everything for myself (rather than in a video), I do very very well with mechanics. It's getting to that point and not backing out that I have problems with. It took 4 days for me to clear Byakko through PF learning parties and I came thisclose to rage unsubbing over it because I was so annoyed with my inability to avoid mechanics (the balls and the lightning specifically) but now that I have the mechanics down, I know where to stand and who to jump to quickly to get out of the way of things; where to drop leylines and when so I can zip back to them to avoid another mechanic, etc. But having a practice mode beyond "stand still and hit a dummy for 3 minutes" would have been an absolute godsend and probably wouldn't have caused me to get so upset initially.

Short of that solo practice suggestion, getting a party finder together as a true learning, step-by-step, party would be great but I don't think a lot of people want that. Even in learning parties for other fights, people expect to clear within 1-3 pulls.

I'm on the same data center as OP. OP, if you ever want to team up and do a step-by-step learning party, let me know. Even if we put a limit on how far we go "learn to X mechanic" and then take a break. Let's do it :)

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Originally Posted by HyoMinPark

Why do people have so little empathy these days... it's incredibly disheartening.

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I mean, I feel for OP. The guy I've been hopping from MMO to MMO with for over a decade suffers from the same issue, both in-game and out, and it seems like a situation that's almost impossible to get out of. It's affected every aspect of his life and relationships in a negative way and I really wish I could get back the guy I met in middle school.

But there's a time and a place for everything. The general forum is just a discussion board, it's not the drop-off station for personal baggage. I hope OP gets the help he needs, but that journey starts in a therapist's office.

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Originally Posted by Shihen

I mean, I feel for OP. The guy I've been hopping from MMO to MMO with for over a decade suffers from the same issue, both in-game and out, and it seems like a situation that's almost impossible to get out of. It's affected every aspect of his life and relationships in a negative way and I really wish I could get back the guy I met in middle school.

But there's a time and a place for everything. The general forum is just a discussion board, it's not the drop-off station for personal baggage. I hope OP gets the help he needs, but that journey starts in a therapist's office.

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I have to respectfully disagree. Sometimes it is easier for people to post their concerns anonymously on a discussion forum. The anonymity makes the admission easier, and the idea of being able to participate in conversation whenever you want can also appeal to those who are introverted, rather than a face-to-face session with a therapist. Therapy isn't always effective, especially if a person is uncomfortable with face-to-face. Some therapists also seem less interested in helping and more interested in their paycheck. Not saying the OP has been in these situations, but I went to one who was more concerned with the money they could make off of me, and which drug they could push on me.

I think the journey starts with just reaching out to someone; not necessarily someone who is a therapist. Friends or family or even strangers on a forum that OP thinks can help them think things through. Doesn't have to be a paid professional.

I don't know what OP's reasons were, but it could be that he lurks on the OF (not posting often, but just reading) and thought people here could help him if he reached out for it. Or he felt like this was an easier place to talk about his problems because of the anonymity. I can appreciate that. I made a thread a year ago when I was going through something very hard, and I am grateful for the responses I got. They helped me cope a lot more than the people realize, I'm sure. It was also just nice to get it out, and the OF just happened to be my outlet of choice.

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Originally Posted by HyoMinPark

I think the journey starts with just reaching out to someone; not necessarily someone who is a therapist. Friends or family or even strangers on a forum that OP thinks can help them think things through. Doesn't have to be a paid professional.

I don't know what OP's reasons were, but it could be that he lurks on the OF (not posting often, but just reading) and thought people here could help him if he reached out for it. Or he felt like this was an easier place to talk about his problems because of the anonymity. I can appreciate that. I made a thread a year ago when I was going through something very hard, and I am grateful for the responses I got.

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Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Hopefully this works out the same way.

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Originally Posted by Kakiko

-snippy-

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Man this breaks my heart. D: No one should have to feel like this because of raiding...

If you ever need a tanky to help clear any of the raids, lemme know. I'm bored most of the time when I'm on, so I try to help out 0-chest groups get their clear.

Same goes to you, OP.

I used to raid with someone who had serious anxiety problems in savage. He was a good guy but the moment we got to the third floor of any raid ( A11/O3S) the fights ended up sending him into panic attacks and he'd have to dive. Whilst I empathised with his plight I still think that high pressure stressful content probably isn't the best choice for people who can't mentally handle it.

Ok great so you can't do savage because because this and that blah blah blah but I highly doubt people would hate you over this something so small like you seems to claim. If you happen to run into these "jerks" all the time then I'd like to think that the problem lies with you.

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Originally Posted by AppleJinx

Ok great so you can't do savage because because this and that blah blah blah but I highly doubt people would hate you over this something so small like you seems to claim. If you happen to run into these "jerks" all the time then I'd like to think that the problem lies with you.

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I feel you shouldn't just tell someone with depression and anxiety the problem is them, and he's saying he feels like people hate him. While they (his FC) are saying "It's okay" all he is hearing is "failure" and stuff. And saying "blah blah blah" Is quite rude.

I relate to how you feel OP, I have anxiety and depression, and probably a lot of other mental stuff going on. I Use FFXIV to cope and get through the day but I cant even do normal dungeons and trials without getting a little anxiety. And I cant even tank Sastasha normal without feeling like I'll just be a disappointment, and my brain will just panic. If I die I usually mutter a ton of curse words before my brain pelts me with "I'm so stupid" "That was so easy how did you die!!?" "I cant believe I messed up on this.." even though the rest of my group doesn't care I died.

Even trying Savage while having anxiety is pretty amazing to me, but if it hurts your health and causes stress, you probably shouldn't do it. And I'm sure your FC isn't at all disappointed/hate you or think you're a failure. They seem like a nice group, I'm sure if you tell them about how you get during raids they will understand and help you :)

Hello, just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents in here as someone with anxiety and depression that also happens to be a raider. I'm currently in a group that farms O5s-O8S every week and have been raiding basically nonstop since Second Coil. I main AST, which means that I get the joy of having to be flexible if things go wrong-- a job that's absolutely horrendous for people with anxiety. That being said, I absolutely love raiding. I love Savage, especially Sigmascape. And, despite how anxiety-inducing Savage gets at times, I think this is why:

1. I found a good group that understands that I have anxiety and depression. They still hold me accountable for my actions as a teammate, but they also understand how to phrase things to help me better and they give me moments to recover when I ask for them. Some of them even have their own anxieties and such. Finding like-minded people really makes the experience that much better for me, imo.

and

2. I found a job that I enjoy playing and that I'm good at. I started as a DRG main thinking I wanted to be that top tier DPS. Turns out, I was really just okay at it. It wasn't the end of the world when I realized it and I'm sure if I had stuck with it, I could've been great. But that job just took longer for me to learn how to min/max when it came to Savage versus WHM (and then, eventually, AST). So you enjoy MNK, OP? I recommend just working on it a bit more-- I love MNK too, but I find it really easy to tunnel vision on it and miss mechanics. Keep practicing or maybe explore another option? Who knows, you may find another job that you enjoy and you feel you are better at. By no means am I saying to give up MNK, if you wanna keep trying that job, then that's awesome!

I still have anxiety attacks during raid, don't get me wrong. I don't think they'll ever go away forever but raiding has helped me learn how to cope and how to manage my emotions/thoughts. I had to push myself to get there and I'm pretty proud of the progress I've made. Just keep on trying, that's the best advice I can give you. Everyone makes mistakes in raid. You can run a fight 100 times and still make mistakes. We're not machines, we're not going to have the same level of performance every time. And if people hate you for one poor performance or for having issues with a mechanic? Well, you don't wanna raid with those types of people anyways, believe me.

Also no one should ever feel bad about getting knocked off by that first ghost. It happens to everyone. It happened to me this week, as a matter of fact, and I killed O5S the first week it came out.

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Originally Posted by Sylvina

I wont blacklist someone simply for being bad at the game. I only blacklist people for being jerks.

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No need to stand on your pedestal. Someone joining a weekly clear party, dying approx. 9 times and saying not a single word, or a DPS doing sub 2k dps is in fact being a jerk to me. These players are jerks. I don't want to play with them. They get blacklisted.

Every pugging savage player knows it's a necessity.

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Originally Posted by KaldeaSahaline

Every pugging savage player knows it's a necessity.

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Yes, maintaining a "hit or shit"-list is necessary to sort out that one or two bad apples every pf group has and block the success (99% of these peeps are ppl who join parties which they don't have the practice and routine for, these are outright jerks). This raid tier all my first kills were with PUGs and I transferred my practice into the static. Content is easily clearable with PUGs, you just need some patience and you have to rigidly sort out non-improving or leeching slackers and more important you should friend (e.g. in discord) with good players.

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Originally Posted by Kakiko

You all need to get the heck out of my head. Seriously. Especially OP. I have clinically diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder and generalized depressive disorders. Not self-diagnosed. Not "I get a little nervous." These are things that have been diagnosed by several specialists over the years and things I have taken several different medications to control over the years.

I want to do savage. I really do. I know I could be good enough, but I get super anxious when I feel that I am subjectively doing worse than everyone else. Even if I know I'm at the top of the DPS list for the group, I oftentimes feel like I'm just not doing well enough.

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That could be me. I have a generalized anxiety disorder too and even if it does not impact me that much in games I can fully understand the OP. I do feel off when doing things with randoms and I put myself down quite harshly when I am doing some stupid mistakes in a fight. I would never try to do recent savage content or most of the recent extreme fights but thats more because I simply dont have enough people that will do that with me and I dont want to do it with randoms. And I kinda dont want to tank dungeons ever and even being a healer is way too stressfull..(Okay maybe it does impact the game a bit..)

OP if you have a team of nice players that will help you along the way then you can do it. :) Just try to accept that mistakes will happen and that those dont mean the end of your own life. (Anxiety does love to tell you that this is bad for your health and life) If you dont have such understanding friends than maybe its just truly better to not do it. If you do this in a good envoirement then this might help your anxiety but I am not sure if its that good for you if you have a lot of negative experiences and maybe even horrible people. This could maybe even make your condition worse and I am not sure if a game is important enough to risk that.

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Originally Posted by AppleJinx

Ok great so you can't do savage because because this and that blah blah blah but I highly doubt people would hate you over this something so small like you seems to claim. If you happen to run into these "jerks" all the time then I'd like to think that the problem lies with you.

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That really can only come from someone who never suffered from deep anxiety. For those who suffer under it, its not about it being real but the mind telling us that it might be that way. Its a constant battle against your own mind telling you certain things. Its not easy to not just care about the stuff others said. When you for the first time truly suffer from an anxiety attack where your mind tells you that you are dieing even though you only hurt because of your back and not the heart then you might understand it. But I would never wish something like that on others. The constant fear of an attack itself and the feeling that you are dieing because your mind tells you things. Its not pleasant and its not just explained easily and its definetly far away from rational.

Find seven other people who are fun to be around, and wont crucify you for making mistakes during prog and don't buy into the raid scene epeen contest. You're just psyching yourself out. If you want to raid, then do it. If you fail, good but learn from your mistakes and grow. You might have some fun. Unless you're doing week one progression where there is little or no guides out, there are tons of resources for you to pour over and learn from. You'll find when you raid long enough it becomes muscle memory and the timings just come like clockwork.

When you join a group that's functional and farming content you can form some very strong, lasting friendships for years and have a sense of belonging, but also have sense of pride and accomplishment for your peers, like when your healer manages gold for the first time or the nerd screams when you finally beat a boss that's been kicking you in the teeth. There are a lot of positive aspects to raiding you can take home with, like discipline, critical thinking and peer bonding. Every one in my group helps to stock up on consumables for weeklies, and crafts gear for their mains at the start of a patch. Granted the raiding experience can be limited when you pug, and frustrating but that's why finding a static you mesh with and can grow together with is so very important. It takes time, and sometimes feels a bit like a job interview but when you find one that's right for you it can help to curve the anxiety because you're also making progress with people who are important to you. Though if you honestly feel its wrong for you, that's okay too there are plenty of things to do in game besides savage content.