help dealing with harassment

resolved tho thread is derailed

This game's modding staff is pretty infamously bad at dealing with harassment. Unfortunately, your best option is usually to move DCs outright if reporting doesn't help.

There also exist mods that allow you to quite literally delete players from existence (client-side) so you never have to see them again, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link those. They also can't do anything about someone joining a PF group you're in.

ty for your reply so quickly
yea i'm aware about mods but am scared due to tos about using them,
its also really sad to see that people feel the same way I do about the gm team in part,(that they don't do enough about harassment at least)
i might end up moving to another data centre then providing that I still want to play down side is i have a house and that's going to take an age to get back if i move.
i kind of wish there was a better way to deal with this.

I don't have any context here, but I've never suffered harassment to the extent where I would think about switching datacenters. Well, I should say, I haven't been on the receiving end of actual harassment ever in this game. If fc leaders are a problem: just don't join an FC, and if you don't want to move datacenters due to the loss of a house? Then don't. Ignore them, to the best of your abilities; don't interact in any way. I'm not in an FC myself, but I know there are players who create their own, and are the only player actually in it. I'm also the kind of person that doesn't take things said like that to heart though, it may be more difficult for other players. If other players are the problem just don't interact with them. Not to say it's good to play an MMO solo, but sometimes it's best to just enjoy the experience as it is, and ignore the social aspect if all it is doing is causing one stress.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. If you decide to DC transfer I have a FC here on Primal:lamia Solis Occasum you are welcome to join if you wish. We were in a rather dead period though with myself,co-lead and wife being the only ones who really play. We also have a sister FC run by some in-game friends called Purrradise their a little more active then we are. You won't be mistreated in either FC, as we are all odd in our own way. :D I won't ask you to believe this but; You won't find Leadership abuse in either my FC or my friends we have zero tolerance for it. That said I wish you the best of luck in whatever choice you make and hope you find some peace. :D

thank you all for your kind words, i did move dc and just removed my house, ill try again in end walker for a new one i guess
sorry that i didn't move to lamia tho i do appreciate the offer, for me the ping would have been far to high to play bard on
hopefully these issues that i have been facing stop now

In all honesty, I feel like allowing those people to chase you off of the DC is like letting them win. Also, if they were resorting to alt accounts for harassment there's no guarantees it'll even stop them if they were already that doggedly persistent.

I can't speak for just how awful they were being, but I feel like leaving do-not-disturb mode on and conducting conversations with friends through Discord or some other medium might've been a better move.

Come to faerie we’re all cuddly here!

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Originally Posted by Sphera

my blacklist is full... - manage undesirables players...

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When it's full, you remove the ones at the top of your list, the recent ones are at the bottom of the list.

It's a shame about the limitation of the number of possible BL, but it allows -to send "tourists" to learn how to play during 200 Blacklist-.

And I keep my favourite undesirables ad aeternam at the top of the list.


You also have the /busy option to not be /tell. You can still argue about anything that isn't /tell.

And you should also reconsider your perception of these unwanted characters. The Internet is a zoo, you should not take care the opinions of strangers who behave like animals.
___
As far as harassment is concerned, there is unfortunately only the chat that is managed, the can be total idiots without saying anything, they will never be banned.

If it happens in the chat, you can copy and paste (ctrl-C, ctrl-V), and say the time and the name of the channel, etc. That's why it's useful to display the irl time in your chat.

You're not going to get any help from Square. They have the mentality that everyone can work out all of their problems in a civil manner and offer barely any protection for those who are actually being harmed by others. They care about the attacker's feelings too.

These threads pop up here and there and it's really sad to read :x

I dont know how things can get this bad, or why ignoring them isn't an option but... There's a special ticket system just for harassment...

How isn't SE doing anything, unless there's no reason to do anything? :x

I mean, I heard you get banned from these forums if you call someone stupid :D

I'd recommend taking a timeout? ^^
If you can't ignore em, or beat em and also really don't wanna join em.

What's stopping you from not playing?

Either way, I hope these people will get their just dues.

can you name change as well as get a vial of fantasia and server transfer? might help

Come play with me. Somehow I am able to avoid this kind of stuff 100%, I have no blacklist to speak of, and I also suffer from mental health issues, so I know where you are coming from. We can chat about SSRIs and SNRIs and Benzos and stuff. Good times.

If you're paired up with me, I can't see someone attacking you personally for any reason.

I don't know what this magic shield is that I have, but I've been able to put about 25,000 hours into MMOs over the past twenty years, without having a single person on any kind of ignore or block list. I've gotten into random arguments with folks perhaps ten times over all those years, and out of those ten arguments, two have probably involved words that would cause most people to ignore or block someone. Granted, I chose not to, but those would be the two times I would have been closest to doing it.

I dunno what to say. There's simply not enough ire in this game to fill a list with two hundred names. /shrug

I get putting someone on an ignore list for 'kys' kind of stuff, but you can't possibly have hundreds of people telling you that. Are you blacklisting folks that simply say things you don't like to hear? Or perhaps ones that use crude humor?

Anyway, for a block-list-free and socially uplifting experience, HMU in-game. For whatever strange reason I can guarantee this will cause all the vitriol being thrown at you to disappear. I'm confident in that guarantee, because I do not believe random hate and anger will simply appear because I have another person next to me.

Take care.

Not everyone is avoided, usually because they have a persona that isn't like some sort of tedious old man. Desire is equivalent to occurrence percentage. If people don't bother you its because they'd rather avoid you like the plague. A simple enough concept; one that aligns with the same issues real world celebrities 'enjoy' these days.

Only thing that will save you is developing a thick skin and refusing to play their game. Troll them until they stop, the fire with fire strategy. If that's too tedious, surround yourself with those who have a forceful persona and develop a bubble. Safety lies in co-operative numbers. You won't find that in the complacent incompetence of SE.

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Originally Posted by Mindiori

Only thing that will save you is developing a thick skin and refusing to play their game.

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IMO this is really bad advice. "Thick skin" is a ridiculous concept. Some people are sensitive to things, and some people are not. Telling sensitive people to become less sensitive is nonsense. We are what we are; being less sensitive or having "thick skin" isn't in any way better than being sensitive or, for a lack of a better term, having "thin skin." Sensitive and unsensitive people are equals. One doesn't need to change into the other at all, and as humans we should already grasp the concept that people are drastically different from person to person.

All of the skin thicknesses are equally valuable human traits. Sensitive "thin-skinned" folks shouldn't be made to feel that they're defective.

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Originally Posted by Mindiori

Troll them until they stop, the fire with fire strategy.

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Absolutely not. Two wrongs don't make a right. You don't fight hate and anger by perpetuating hate and anger. You fight it by dealing with it head-on, maturely, with a level head. If the other person doesn't get it in the end, you move on.

Do unto others as you'd have done unto yourself.

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Originally Posted by Mindiori

If that's too tedious, surround yourself with those who have a forceful persona and develop a bubble. Safety lies in co-operative numbers. You won't find that in the complacent incompetence of SE.

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Developing a bubble or living in an echo-chamber isn't healthy at all. No one is correct 100% of the time. You need to expose yourself to other opinions and behaviors in order to develop a normal persona yourself. Any authority on mental health or therapist or psychiatrist or even just a regular doctor will tell you this.

"Safety in cooperative numbers," sounds like some military stuff to me. This ain't a battlefield. This is playing a game with random humans, and no one should need a "gang" to protect them from experiences here. If you feel you need a "gang", you're straight up doing it wrong.

...

The behaviors I'm arguing against are ones that actually perpetuate this nonsensical hate that leads to a 200-person block list:

- Gangs to protect you.
- If they hit you, hit 'em back.
- People that cannot handle vitriol are "lesser people" and should change.

Nah, drop kick all that nonsense off the nearest pier. None of it is conducive to having a positive experience. None of it is conducive to being a better human IRL.

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Originally Posted by Breakbeat

Absolutely not. Two wrongs don't make a right. You don't fight hate and anger by perpetuating hate and anger. You fight it by dealing with it head-on, maturely, with a level head. If the other person doesn't get it in the end, you move on.

Do unto others as you'd have done unto yourself.

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This is great advice if you live in a fairy tale where right always wins. In the real world, power is what wins, and some people don't care if they hurt you. Some people enjoy hurting you. The only way to make them stop is to make them scared of you.

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Originally Posted by PredatoryCatgirl

This is great advice if you live in a fairy tale where right always wins. In the real world, power is what wins, and some people don't care if they hurt you. Some people enjoy hurting you. The only way to make them stop is to make them scared of you.

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Originally Posted by Breakbeat

I don't know what this magic shield is that I have, but I've been able to put about 25,000 hours into MMOs over the past twenty years, without having a single person on any kind of ignore or block list. I've gotten into random arguments with folks perhaps ten times over all those years, and out of those ten arguments, two have probably involved words that would cause most people to ignore or block someone.

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It is what it is. I follow the advice I gave, and it works.

I can prove it, as I offered.

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Originally Posted by Breakbeat

Anyway, for a block-list-free and socially uplifting experience, HMU in-game. For whatever strange reason I can guarantee this will cause all the vitriol being thrown at you to disappear. I'm confident in that guarantee, because I do not believe random hate and anger will simply appear because I have another person next to me.

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I dunno what else to say. I'd very much like to play with someone who needs a 200-person block list. I'm very curious about the behavior needed to attract such negativity.

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Originally Posted by PredatoryCatgirl

The only way to make them stop is to make them scared of you.

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Nonsense. Never done this, never had anyone on a block list. Had arguments, solved them like an adult. If I couldn't, I moved on.

You don't need to make other humans scared. That comes from your own internal fear.

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Originally Posted by Breakbeat

It is what it is. I follow the advice I gave, and it works.

I can prove it, as I offered.

I dunno what else to say.

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I don't know what you're doing, but if it works, keep it up. It didn't work for me, but if it had, I would prefer it over making the bullies scared of me.

I can't imagine having 200 people harrass you. I'm not trying to brush aside the ops dilemma but in this game the only people who are blocked for me are the bots and rtm people. I just have not found people to be particularly vicious here. But good luck to the OP no one should be harrassed. If I might ask what are people harrassing you about and how well do you know them in game? Just want to put this in context because we had a poster a couple of weeks ago posting about this and she/he vowed to continue to make these posts even though SE gave her the alternative's for their problem.

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Originally Posted by PredatoryCatgirl

I don't know what you're doing, but if it works, keep it up. It didn't work for me, but if it had, I would prefer it over making the bullies scared of me.

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I only do what I described above.

If you did the same, it would work for you. You don't need to be a bully to not be bullied yourself. Again, if you really, truly want this, perhaps we can play together and find out what's going wrong for you.

I've offered dozens of times over the years for people to show me this hate and negativity first hand. Shoot, in WoW I used to constantly post an offer on the forums whereby if someone would group up with me, and I could witness the vitriol first-hand, and the vitriol was uninvited, I'd give that person one- or two-months of game time. You could google 'Breakbeat' and 'WoW Forums' and probably 'game time' to find my offers. I ain't making this stuff up.

Here's an early one from 2014:

https://us.forums.blizzard.com/en/wo...nity/904332/17

And another from 2019:

https://us.forums.blizzard.com/en/wo...base/137686/27

Never had a taker. I wonder why that is. No one wants free game time? Yeah, right.

My guess is that a lot of the negativity is perpetuated by the person seeking to avoid the negativity. Your example of "making others scared of you before you are bullied," is solid proof of this.

Kinda sad, but it is what it is, I guess. Sorry for your experience. I hope you realize that for the person on the other end of your preemptive bullying, you are the one that would need to go on a block list, thereby starting this whole ridiculous circle again.

Be good to other people. Every time. Every single time. If someone is bad to you, be good anyway.

/sigh

Welcome to the internet. Develop a thick skin and ignoring those people is the best way to get it to stop. SE isn't likely to do much if anything. If your forever thin skinned your time on the internet is gonna suck.

I'm a sensitive person by nature towards myself and other people, however I do realize that people on the internet feel emboldened to do harassment against others because they're anonymous. The best solution is to either ignore them, or like you had done, move to another DC and if you desire to still socialize with people, find people who are willing to accept you and generally be chill. If someone doesn't mesh well with you, it's fine. Just cut that person out of your life and appreciate the people who appreciate you, but don't form an echo chamber. That is bad, and will eventually result in either toxic behavior or blacklisting people who don't agree with you over minor things. That's one of the only ways you can find some sort of solace, this goes for in-game and irl.

As far as blocking people to the point of filling up your blacklist... I am a bit bewildered how you got 200 people in your blacklist, if you were harassed by 200 people, I genuinely feel bad for you and I hope you're doing better now that you switched DCs. Wishing the best for you ^.^

I'm a bit torn on this. On one hand I don't want to mock you, OP, because being harassed is horrible. On the other hand.. telling us that your blacklist.. which can hold 200 people.. is full and you apparently need to block even more people.. unless most of your list is filled with RMT spammers as is the case for plenty of us.. I have a lot of difficulty believing all 200 of those people are the problem and you just their innocent victim. Usually people who encounter problems everywhere they go in the game are doing something themselves to always get such negative interactions.

Either way, I do hope that this stops for you now that you've transferred to a different DC, I think you shouldn't have had to.. but if that solves the problem for you then that'll have to be the solution I reckon.

First, being harassed is a horrible experience. I don't put up with that junk and if I see it happening to someone I tell them to knock it off. Trust me, you RP long enough and you'll find plenty of creeps and weirdos that will stalk and harass you, make up nonsense about you, etc...It's not great.

That being said, OP, I agree with Lanadra. If you're having to block more than 200 people on your DC...Just what the heck did you do? Your OP doesn't really say anything on your end and people aren't harassed for no reason very often. You're basically blocking a good majority of your DC and you seem like you're looking to block more.

One thing in particular concerns me:

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after bouncing around fc's on the light dc and moving server twice due to harassment

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The fact it's happening over multiple worlds and that you're hopping FCs like it's going out of style raises a good number of questions.

I do hope you find a solution to your problem OP, but I feel there's more to this that isn't being shared.

Just a side note - if the OP is truly being chased around and harassed, moving servers or DC and even changing names won't really help. Each char is a unique identifier, and someone who bookmarked her old character or even Google searches it will lead to the one with a new name and new DC. The only really true way to avoid all potentially bad past people is to start an entirely new character and don't rejoin a FC you were once a part of^^

You're right Mirielle. Like I said I had to deal with weirdos like that. But it's like once I deal with that person that's it. I'm...kinda impressed with the amount of persistence these people have, let alone how many there are...

Barring some sort of truly horrible slight I'm struggling to see what caused a stuffed BL and two world transfers...

Best option at this rate may be to make a new character and boost them. I hate saying that but if it's as dire as you say you're not going to shake these people on your same character, no matter how many times you Fanta or transfer.

Your best bet would be moving datacenters or changing your name

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Originally Posted by Derio

Your best bet would be moving datacenters or changing your name

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That will only accomplish so much. Server visit is set to be expanded in due time to erode the hard boundaries that are currently in place between datacentres. In addition, even changing a character name and transferring elsewhere does little to deter stalkers as simply throwing one's old character name into a search engine brings up the page for the new character name. I know as much because every few months I change my character name based on whether I want to play a Raen or a Hyur at the time.

Harassment is never a good thing. However the degree of it being indicated by the OP is raising a lot of questions in my mind in regard to context or the actual cause of it because can't really picture harassment to that degree being unprovoked unless you happen to be a very well known streamer or vtuber that has been playing this game on stream.

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Originally Posted by Sphera

my blacklist has become full and i'm having issues dealing with a few people in game

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Originally Posted by Sphera

harassment is normal targeted at my mental health (please note that i do suffer from bpd and pdd)...

but i still face harassment almost daily
from fc leaders power tripping and trying to abuse my empathy
to flat out verbal abuse telling me to kms in some instances

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I'm going to be completely honest, it sounds like your mental illness is probably warping your perspective of otherwise mundane interactions and possibly making you paranoid. It's also very likely that it's causing you to behave in a way that in turn causes others to treat you a certain way. Managing to fill an entire 200 slot blacklist with actual, genuine 'harassers' just isn't really plausible.

Assuming you are already receiving help, I would highly recommending bringing these interactions and feelings up to your therapist.

You have been playing one year and already maxed your black list!? How have you somehow managed to find so many harassers? I am on 3 years playing I think I have maybe 3 people on block.. maybe they are not the problem

I have gotten people banned for standing on the little bell guys for too long and blocking them. You cannot convince me that you reported this with in game chat logs and the mods just ignored it. NOW NOW CAVEAT this is a JP server I think so the GM's there could be doing things differently.

If you are more worried about the GM's than the actual reporting then it sounds like Blizzard is not the only MMO company with skeletons in the closet when it comes to these issues. US and EU GM's handle these issues very differently from the JP ones it seems.

If Square Enix should learn one lesson from Blizzard it is not to treat these issues like a big joke because it could blow up in their faces hard and ruin the reputation of their company for years to come.

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Originally Posted by Puremallace

I have gotten people banned for standing on the little bell guys for too long and blocking them. You cannot convince me that you reported this with in game chat logs and the mods just ignored it. NOW NOW CAVEAT this is a JP server I think so the GM's there could be doing things differently.

If you are more worried about the GM's than the actual reporting then it sounds like Blizzard is not the only MMO company with skeletons in the closet when it comes to these issues. US and EU GM's handle these issues very differently from the JP ones it seems.

If Square Enix should learn one lesson from Blizzard it is not to treat these issues like a big joke because it could blow up in their faces hard and ruin the reputation of their company for years to come.

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How do you know you have gotten them banned? SE does not tell you unless you were pseudo stalking them or they mentioned it.

Either way I thought you could cycle through to target the bell so not like standing on it would block anything.

Also on a side note towards others if they have your lodestone then no amount of name or server transfer will hide you.

THE INTERNER NEVER FORGETS.

Somewhere between "I got banned for saying a bad word in the vicinity of someone who reported me" and "SE doesn't do anything to serial harassment perpetrators" the truth lies.

Only way to truly be hidden is to get a new account. No matter how many times you change your name / change servers you can be found.

I don't know you OP but maxing out blacklist so quick is strange to be honest. My friend told me that people are bad and they already filled the blacklist in few weeks after starting the game. I know in their case the problem really isn't the people being bad.
Maybe it's similar in your case? Being too easily offended or reacting negatively to everything?

I am sorry it's happening to you.

Yeah the BPD thing is a big red flag to me. I'm guessing most of you are unfamiliar with it and the complications it has. BPD. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say what the OP thinks is happening and what is actually happening, might not be the same thing.

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Originally Posted by Wyldkat99

Yeah the BPD thing is a big red flag to me. I'm guessing most of you are unfamiliar with it and the complications it has. BPD. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say what the OP thinks is happening and what is actually happening, might not be the same thing.

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doesn't really matter

They came here for help, didn't name names, and it's real to them, so it's not our place to speculate.

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Originally Posted by Wyldkat99

Yeah the BPD thing is a big red flag to me. I'm guessing most of you are unfamiliar with it and the complications it has. BPD. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say what the OP thinks is happening and what is actually happening, might not be the same thing.

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I'd like to clarify something here since I'm seeing this come up a lot - BPD does not mean that when someone feels they're getting harassed, they need to be looked at with more scrutiny. As someone who has BPD (and Autism), it affects mostly my relationships with close friends and loved ones. I will also be quicker to anger in social situations and it'll be easier to frustrate me, but that doesn't mean that the situation isn't objectively frustrating.

It's not "Oh hey OP! I don't really like your hair!" "OMG HARASSMENT!"
It's closer to "LMAO OP, change your hair more often because it doesnt suit your face." "Stop talking to me, oh my god." "No but seriously, the hair doesnt suit your face." "Seriously stop, this is harassment."

It's a black and white view of the world, yes, but closer to being quick to jump to extremes, and not at all just viewing daily interactions in extreme lights. In the first instance, there wasn't any hint of harassment because there wasn't continued prodding, however in the 2nd instance it's easier to see how someone would jump to harassment (even if it is innocuous "poking fun" to the person saying the stuff to OP.)

Also: "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say what the OP thinks is happening and what is actually happening, might not be the same thing." Is peak gaslighting behavior at its finest. Someone having emotional instabilities and trouble with interpersonal relationships doesn't mean they can't look at a situation with clear eyes.

BPD isn't always the "split" side of things. We can hold normal everyday lives and you may never know that someone has BPD unless they tell you.

To OP: Clear out your blacklist, oldest to newest. You'll likely not interact with some of these people again, so whoever is from old Data Centers can go. If there's anyone on your current data center, go from oldest to newest and delete anyone who's been there for longer than 2 weeks. I empathize. My blacklist is empty but I recently cut off a group of people who I was sure I'd be friends with for YEARS, because I could feel myself splitting on them and I knew I could catch myself before I completely ruined how they perceived me. Switched servers, had to remove them as friends, took all the gil I'd given our FC, etc etc. It's not nearly the same as what you're going through, but there's a similar mechanical process of clearing out your lists. So make sure anyone you don't need to keep track of is removed from your blacklist, and I hope you feel happy and safe now.

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Originally Posted by MilkieTea

I'd like to clarify something here since I'm seeing this come up a lot - BPD does not mean that when someone feels they're getting harassed, they need to be looked at with more scrutiny.

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to be fair, this wouldn't be a video game forum without same casual ableism lmao

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Originally Posted by PredatoryCatgirl

This is great advice if you live in a fairy tale where right always wins. In the real world, power is what wins, and some people don't care if they hurt you. Some people enjoy hurting you. The only way to make them stop is to make them scared of you.

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You're the one who seems to be living in a fairy tale here. There's power in dealing with things maturely. You don't need fear to make the system work for you. In fact, fear only gets in the way because karma is real. My biggest successes in life came through kindness, not fear. If you help people out, you'll always have someone willing to help you out. If you attempt to make everyone fear you, at best, no one will be around for you when you find yourself in a bind. At worst, you'll fail miserably and end up in a worse situation than before. I don't know who taught you to think like this, but I suggest you rethink how you're living your life.