Ever felt you were too hard a someone and felt bad?

I ask cus other day, I guy just decided to blast me before he left our group about how my healing wasn't great in O1s. Then boasted and said "<--- healer main". Mind you this was the FIRST TIME I have ever healed savage or had a healer at 70 for current content. Plus, it was a "try a unique job your not used to party".

So basically this guy was out of line, and was trying to put me down, but it got me curious on if anyone ever felt they were too hard on someone and regretted it later.

There was a monk in an o2s weekly that would not stop dying and I said “Watch now (monk) is gonna get everything.” I felt bad until they got everything.

Not really. But that's because I have the patience of a saint, so if someone is making me blow up about something...
Then they should re-evaluate what they're doing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AncientCrystal

So basically this guy was out of line, and was trying to put me down, but it got me curious on if anyone ever felt they were too hard on someone and regretted it later.

---

People that tend to reflect on stuff like this, usually don't do it in the first place. Not that it never happens but... it's unlikely. If confronted, he'd probably spin some justifications for it. Such is the human ego.

Anyways, try not to let these types get to you. Good luck.

Sounds like you just met one of those tryhards, but to answer the OP's question, there have been times I was in a bad mood or feeling sick that I probably came off as rude to others and felt bad about it after.

Quote:

---

Ever felt you were too hard a someone and felt bad?

---

Yep, but mostly because I never know I was hard on someone until after the fact. I'm not very good at being tactful. I'm definitely not saying I use honesty as an excuse to be a jerk or anything, but then again I'm not a mindreader either. Basically I don't mince words. Life's too short for that.

In your situation, I'd have probably said "^^asshole^^" underneath his "<--- Healer main" comment. Very disrespectful towards newbies. If one were to believe that good (healer) help is hard to find, then browbeating the 1st-timer is definitely not the thing to do. :confused:

I put my foot in my mouth way too often and when I don't I sometimes wind up doing exactly this.

i did it couple of times in shinryu ex. I joined the "p2/p3 training know p1 or GTFO" kind of PF and the party recruiter put the tail in wrong position twice. i exploded and didnt feel bad actually because the party recruiter himself didnt seems like he is tolerable to other people mistakes (assuming from his PF description). at that time i thought how can you tell other people to be perfect but you yourself still make mistakes? I later joined normal P2 practice PF and when they couldnt get passed phase 1 i did the same (i think the last experience still got the best of me) but then later apologized to the group for being salty. I realized that being rude in a virtual game will not get you anywhere in real life. I tried to be more tolerable to people in the game from that point onwards.

The people who would outright be disgustingly vile to a person who makes a mistake while healing/tanking or simply not living up to their expectation of a person doing those roles will probably be the first person to complain about there not being enough tanks or healers. Then genuinely wonder why people dont like playing those roles.

sometimes i do feel bad for my time

I consider myself patient, though far from a good teacher. And coming from a rather athletic family and a military background, I've come to understand where and when it's more beneficial to be hard on someone. Not everyone needs it, but when I see someone go from ready to quit the game due to fear of failure to confident enough to clear anything they set their mind to, I know I've done right.

Personally, I hate when people are hard on me, just because I do it enough to myself. Generally by the time anything is said, I've already had that conversation internally. Toughens me up amd makes me capable, thankfully, but if I do it too much it just wears me out.

To properly answer the question though: I only feel bad if I don't see the person take it constructively and improve. I wouldn't enjoy breaking someone's confidence one bit.

I tend to get pretty verbal whenever I'm in a party with a lot of new people. I start giving out directions using all caps and lots of exclamation points, and so sometimes people will think I'm being a jerk. The thing is, I'm never really angry. And I never accuse someone of being bad, because I know if they're having trouble with a certain mechanic, it just means they haven't died as many times to it as I have. But every now and then I'll come across someone who feels like I'm being too hard for telling them they have to get behind Shiva when she takes out her bow, that they'll just leave the party and I'll feel kinda bad for a bit but hey what're you gonna do? :p

The only time I get heated is when I see someone else shitting on another for no good reason. You throw me insults all you want, idc. If anything, I just laugh it up and either try to kick or I bail. But if I see someone trying their best and some jackass feels like its a good time to make that person feel small, well guess what buddy: you're gonna have to do it to the both of us.

It's not out of sense of justice or whatever. I just don't like seeing that kind of behavior in a game, especially when its unwarranted.

I don’t expect too much from DF groups. However I hold my friends to a higher standard - if I see them playing badly I’m not afraid to call them out if they know better or to coach them when they don’t. Sometimes I come across kind of harsh, though and I do feel bad about that. The last time I hurt someone’s feelings they made me aware of it and from then on I catch myself typing things that could be phrased kinder and fix it.

Nah. I don't use my anonymity to be a daft twat.

The only time I speak up is when somebody is being a righteous khunt to other people. We all know the line that separates proper from improper, and it's being an absolute twat when instructing other people by simultaneously giving orders and insulting them.

Yes.

I'm normally kinda patient. The kind of player that would angrily mumble for themselves when things don't go right but will rarely speak up.

HOWEVER, I remember I got Brayflox HM in DF and I, being the tank, proceeded to do a big pull right off the bat. Like the good old times when farming Poetics was my daily punishment. So, the healer couldn't keep it up, as I cycled through all my cds. They say "Maybe you pulled too much?" and I was extremely snarky: "I am sorry, I overestimated you". He said "Man, that stings". I took a moment to analyze the situation and... man... I felt like sh**t and apologized to him. I had a bad day and it was no excuse for me to take it on them. It was just unfair. We spent a little bit talking about it and he asked me to relax, which I did. Then then run went fine after that, with some chit chat and talking sh** about the goblins.

I received 2 player commendations and... I of course commendated him. Again, I am sorry for that, dude. :( I guess we all have that time when we shouldn't do group content if we're in a bad mood. It's not their fault that you feel like that.

I've literally never blasted someone over poor play. It would bother me more to lose my temper like a child than it would to wipe a million times to the same person. It's not really my business so I don't even start throwing out unsolicited advise. If someone asks, then fine, we can try to figure out what can be done differently.

Regret? No. But the last time I put someone on blast was on the EQ progression server I played on a few months ago. Was in the middle of a poFear breakin and someone was whining about trashloot not being handed out. I was one of the officers that handled loot drops but the situation had about half a dozen scarelings running around. If you know anything about the early planes in EQ, those scarelings can wipe a raid quick if they start teleporting people around the zone.

They complained later, though the other leadership basically told them they would have been far worse if they had to say something, basically justifying what I did. Talking about loot midfight is just a big no no in MMORPGs.

In FFXIV I'm pretty damn patient. Some people I run with are a little quick to vote kick someone if they aren't performing enough, but I tend to reign them back. I don't like kicking people unless they're trolling. I've always seen potential in failure, so that's apart of why I'm usually calm.

Nope. Even if we're on the same server, i give little to no damn about some one i don't care.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SenorPatty

The only time I get heated is when I see someone else shitting on another for no good reason. You throw me insults all you want, idc. If anything, I just laugh it up and either try to kick or I bail. But if I see someone trying their best and some jackass feels like its a good time to make that person feel small, well guess what buddy: you're gonna have to do it to the both of us.

It's not out of sense of justice or whatever. I just don't like seeing that kind of behavior in a game, especially when its unwarranted.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Miksu

Nah. I don't use my anonymity to be a daft twat.

The only time I speak up is when somebody is being a righteous khunt to other people. We all know the line that separates proper from improper, and it's being an absolute twat when instructing other people by simultaneously giving orders and insulting them.

---

These 2 sum it up nicely for me.

I try to be kind and compassionate to my fellow players -- because I'm playing with a certain disability and some things are just not physically possible for me. I have no idea if it's this way for others, but all I can do is my best. I don't berate people in-game, because it's just a game. If I feel like I want to tear someone's head off, I put the controller down and go for a walk or do something else.

Yesterday I had a newbie Paladin in Cutter's Cry and he kept stance swapping every trash pull. So everyone was trying to make sure he understood how the threat meters worked and that stance dancing wasn't a good idea at this level/on large mob pulls. He got pissed off just before the last fight and just said "bye!" and logged out. We lucked out since his replacement was a newbie, but was a much nicer Warrior who knew what he was doing.

All we were guilty of was trying to help him out and he stormed out like a 5 year old denied a toy/candy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alestorm

Yesterday I had a newbie Paladin in Cutter's Cry and he kept stance swapping every trash pull. So everyone was trying to make sure he understood how the threat meters worked and that stance dancing wasn't a good idea at this level/on large mob pulls. He got pissed off just before the last fight and just said "bye!" and logged out. We lucked out since his replacement was a newbie, but was a much nicer Warrior who knew what he was doing.

All we were guilty of was trying to help him out and he stormed out like a 5 year old denied a toy/candy.

---

Reminds me of the Aery run about a year, possibly more, ago I did with a FC member. There were no problems with the tanking, we both noticed he used Provoke + Flash instead of Shield Lob + Flash to get the mobs onto him. Right before the second boss, FC member asked him why he preferred Provoke to Shield Lob. Tank blew up saying(pretty sure it was supposed to be in FC chat since the healer and tank were both in same FC) something along the lines of "See? Doesn't matter what I do I get criticized". The question wasn't in a "hey, you're an idiot for doing what you're doing, do it this other way", it was literally "why do you prefer Provoke over Shield Lob?". Tank refused to move forwards, so I initiated the kick, and healer apologized for the tanks behaviour. Had zero issues up until that point, and none after we got replacement.

Nah. It takes a lot for me to ram into someone, if I go overboard they probably deserved it.

Ohhhhh yeah I have. Titan NM with a full cast of FC mates. I got knocked off by landslide and blamed all of them. Yup, I know.

It wasn't that I got knocked off though. It was the fact that they still were able to clear despite the fact that the healer (me) was eliminated from the fight, and I'm somehow supposed to feel like I beat a god during the cut scenes while being praised by NPCs who have no idea about my abysmal failure.

I ripped into each of them and they didn't even understand where the rage was coming from, which enraged me further. I rage-logged out, and my roommate who was also part of the group was kind enough to explain my emotional instability issues, and how I feel about living through trials.

I didn't deserve that courtesy. I deserved to be kicked from that FC. I'm still a member of that FC. New members are warned when they comment how nice I am from the vets that Gem has another side :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gemina

Ohhhhh yeah I have. Titan NM with a full cast of FC mates. I got knocked off by landslide and blamed all of them. Yup, I know.

It wasn't that I got knocked off though. It was the fact that they still were able to clear despite the fact that the healer (me) was eliminated from the fight, and I'm somehow supposed to feel like I beat a god during the cut scenes while being praised by NPCs who have no idea about my abysmal failure.

I ripped into each of them and they didn't even understand where the rage was coming from, which enraged me further. I rage-logged out, and my roommate who was also part of the group was kind enough to explain my emotional instability issues, and how I feel about living through trials.

I didn't deserve that courtesy. I deserved to be kicked from that FC. I'm still a member of that FC. New members are warned when they comment how nice I am from the vets that Gem has another side :p

---

Did YOU at least apologize to them later?

There have been numerous times where I've realized I came across as more harsh than I originally intended and I've gone out of my way to apologize. Most of the time it takes me a lot to really call someone out, though, so they are probably doing something that I see as justified.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LittleChickenNugget

Did YOU at least apologize to them later?

---

Oh God! I didn't log in for days out of embarrassment. I didn't even think I would have an FC to apologize to. To my surprise, I wasn't booted and I did apologize to all of them. It was a long time ago, and I was so new back then. To this day though, if I die when we group, it feels like everyone starts walking on eggshells around me. It makes me regret that incident every time, and I try to joke about it to clear the air.

No, never. People are self-centered and don't want to recognize their own shortcomings or bother improving. The "expert" dungeons in this game are easy enough that you can carry. Case in point, some dude was in an expert roulette on healer playing on terrible hotel internet without a keyboard (he claimed), lagging, freezing out, disconnecting, letting the tank die, etc. We slogged through it. Took 50 minutes. At the end of it, I just said that if I were in his position and the lag was so bad that the game was borderline unplayable, I wouldn't subject other people to it. After I exited the dungeon, turns out he was on my server, managed to find a keyboard because he started typing really fast, and went on a long, furious rant about how people like me are the problem. So I blacklisted him and moved on.

That's the type of people you generally run into. And, yes, I didn't say that until the last boss had been defeated. That same type of player would throw a fit and start a vote kick. I know how fragile the snowflakes are.

Some time ago, in Susano normal a Redmage kept rezzing people I was going to rez. Was wasting my mp. But they did good and I went off on them for that. I still feel bad about that.

One time when I was tanking Sohm Al HM, we had an exceptionally bad SMN who wasnt using any dots at all. I decided to criticize her for it and she up and left immediatly after I told her rather bluntly that her performance was poor and she wasnt using the most basic abilities SMN'shave. Later, a friend who ran his own FC asked me for help to finish a workshop project, and that same SMN was in the party. She was a member of his FC. That was awkward. She said nothing though. And my friend didnt seem to know anything, so she probably never spoke of it in the FC.

I considered contacting her to offer her some advice on how to play SMN on a basic level, but I had no idea how she'd respond so I decided not to. Still regret it.

I had to replace a static member a few months ago, but it ended up happening like right before we were about to go in on a Tuesday night. We had been running with him for a couple weeks already and finally decided we needed to replace because his damage wasn't improving to where we needed it to be. An old friend's static had just happened to break up so I asked him if if wanted to raid with us, and he instantly popped in to discord (we were all in discord about to raid) and said he wanted to go with us. So it was very, very awkward telling this guy he was being replaced by the guy that just joined up, absolutely no notice even though I had debated it internally over the previous weekend. He didn't even say anything, just quietly dropped out after a few mins. Tried to send him an apology afterwards but he had already blocked me. Still feel a little bad about that.

I curse out loud by myself irl but I don't type them out since I play on the PS4 without keyboard so it'll take a lot for me to actually fumble with the controller keyboard to type out a hate mail in game and I don't feel bad when I do.

Off Course, and thats not limited to FFXIV at all, it is a matter of Live. The important thing is, you need to have the courage, to go to that peron(s) you were too hard to and say: Sorry Mate(s), I overreacted.

If you have the balls to apoligize, it's okay :)