Social anxiety and FF14

I’ve debated posting this for awhile, but I figured that even though most will not read it and/or care, there may be a few it reaches and maybe for the better, so why not? I’ve played FF14 since beta, but recently got back to the game after about 9 months. Knowing already how it is in the expert roulettes and 24-man raids (where everyone expects everyone to know everything and there are often people raging about how bad others are), I made 3 new characters who are sprouts and joined the new (to me) Novice Network. This is a blessing, really, since it allows new players to chat in a mostly safe environment with mentors who can answer questions. However, doing Sastasha and Tam Tara the first few times on each of those sprouts had me encountering even some of those very mentors being somewhat demeaning/arrogant towards the sprouts or new tanks/healers.

Even as a mother of 3, I have always had a lot of social anxiety and hardly ever go out. One thing I think people never understand is that people who do have anxiety of this sort often play MMOs because these types of games let us be a part of a ‘society’, even if it is a virtual one. They let us ‘talk’ to people even if we’d be too shy or scared to in real life. This is why it makes me so upset when people are abused in MMOs and everyone says “get a thick skin or don’t play MMOs” — to me, at least, I play MMOs because I DON’T have a thick skin and it is usually a place where my social anxiety at least doesn’t affect my being able to reach out and make friends or do things with others. Playing a single player RPG doesn’t offer this feeling of at least being around people who are actual, living people who maybe could become a friend someday.

Background out of the way, I just am hoping that people remember that sprouts and even other veteran players (to whom the expectation to perform or be ridiculed is even higher) are actual players who may have this type of anxiety and even something as small as “Worthless tank” or much worse “Go hang yourself” can have an impact that people never see because so many players forget that the character in front of you on the screen is also a living person looking at their own screen reading what you are writing.

Again, I know many will say don’t play MMOs if I don’t want to have to deal with these kinds of things, but again I say that often people with social anxiety or other issues that prevent them from doing things in real life, or reaching out to others in real life, use these types of games to at least feel a part of something more than themselves, and while only others with similar anxiety can know the courage it takes to just say “hi, would you like to join up with me for ____”, everyone can, I think, understand the desire to be understood and feel accepted/valued.

Anyways, just my thoughts after experiencing the game as a new sprout these past weeks, and as a returning beta player. Those who know me think I am one of the most outgoing people in FC chat and such, but again — that type of thing is the only way I can cover up my own anxiety — chatting non-stop, at least, sometimes makes it easier for me to chat at all. I often wish I could find a FC that didn’t require voice, was made up of mostly people with similar anxiety, and such — but that’s for another time. Thanks for any of the few who may have read this whole thing. Have fun in your adventures and please keep in mind that we are all people - not just NPCs ^_^v

I get social anxiety drew to my asperger Mirielle ffxiv help reduced that and i am the same way quite talktive online not so much off line.

On the "grow a thicker skin" part there are quite of few people out that that do need to do this. Cause there is lot of people that get offended by almost anything, I agree that there are also lot of mean and rude players on the game which do take stuff too far but there plenty of people on both sides of the fences on that issue.

I don't really have social anxiety, I'm just very much a introvert and prefer to keep to myself but I have no problem getting online like in this game and talking with people. I actually talk more in game then I do in RL.

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Originally Posted by Lexia

I actually talk more in game then I do in RL.

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Opposite for me. I'm very much social in real life but online I'm quiet as a mouse.
It's so strange...I really dunno why, but I can't really make friends online because
I won't talk. I'm in a FC for almost a year I said literally less than 10 things all together.
I'm actually kinda shy online.

BUT, I use to be sociable online, and not so much in real life.
When I got a job and hung around people it flipped for me lol.
So damn weird.

Players really do need to be more considerate to each other in general. This is a COOPERATIVE game, we're all in this together, yet I've seen people fly off the handle and attack each other for the smallest most inconsequential things. Even if the other person has thick skin, being a dick is a good way to get people to do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to just to spite you.

I think this something we as human being have forgotten we can still be friend even though we have different opinion then each other. your not going force people agree with you we different we just made that way as are opinion.

It should not be difficult to find a FC that does not require voice for day to day content. It only becomes really helpful for savage/extreme primals. And if someone is being a major jerk in game, I recommend reporting them.

Have you tried telling rude people to 'go **** themselves'?

I used to be really unsocial in game, just like real life. But, when I left the FC I was a part of, I made tons of new friends. Made a lalafell LS that is getting tons of people joining. I now run my own FC, which is doing really well I now talk in game more than I ever did irl. I don't run many duties these days, due to most of time, encountering some not so friendly people. MY FC wants to do voice chat, and I said it may be hard for me but they were open to me not talking as much and were understandable.

These days, I've come to the point of standing up for new players and even level 60s, when they're put on blast. I won't swear or call them names anyhow, but I'd give them a right talking to. Just because one person may accidentally miss an aoe or something, doesn't mean they should be told to kill themselves.

Well said!
I play for very similar reasons.
Also, just as one of those horrible comments can ruin your day, a friendly or funny encounter can brighten it. I still smile when I think about some wonderful people I've met or experiences I've had.
I just love when my queue pops and I'm met with some goof making silly jokes right off the bat. You know that it's going to be a good run even if you wipe a few times, because y'all can laugh it off.
People underestimate how much of a difference some compassion, patience, and friendliness can make.
Shame we're not on the same server. If we were I would have loved to play together. /hug

Join duties with FC friends. I run lots of stuff with them, it's a lot more fun, and certainly less stressful. Try and find an active one if you can.

I have crippling depression so I look at a lot of memays

As someone who is dating someone with anxiety and has worked in a psychiatric unit (as well as apart of the county crisis team) for several years, this is my opinion on your post.

Although some people do in fact, rudely or ignorantly state "grow a thick skin", I would argue that despite the intent it is actually one of the best pieces of advice you can get. Or well to be more accurate, work on.

You see there are many aspects in life that your being, physical or mental, grows stronger with each exposure. Just as a body builder lifts weights to make his arms stronger or a martial artist kicks or palms a heavy sand bag to make their bones stronger, exposure to situations that induce anxiety will help with the anxiety.

Of course however, like a body builder or martial artist, obviously they don't start with 500 pounds or start kicking metal bats with their shins. That's just silly. Same as if you have anxiety, you dont start by trying to control a hostage negotiation. You start small. You start with 10-20 pounds. You start with light sand. You start with small interactions with people that in the end, don't matter (upsetting as they might seem at the moment).

This game is a perfect example. You mentioned FC already. Our FC system really is more or less useless for raiding or the important stuff anyway, so most use them just to chat as it is. This is your safety net. It doesn't matter how bad or good you do in your dungeons or in a raid, your FC doesn't even know because they're doing their own stuff. No matter what happens in these dungeons, you're always going "home", your FC. So my advice? Find those jerks in the dungeons. Play with those elitists. Put it in your mind, that you are actively searching for these people. THIS ACTION ALONE, will help with the anxiety. Don't be rude to them, don't even bother commenting on their remarks towards you (unless you want to). Play with them, in the HOPES, that they will critique you. Be nice to the other person playing with you instead. Mention their glamor. They're class seems cool. Ask a question you already know.
This right here is how you get out of your shell.

Eventually you'll be confident enough start doing dungeons with your FC and raiding. And although the anxiety maybe never fully go away, and you will have moments of "relapse" of those anxiety attacks, the feeling will be much less and the attacks will happen much less frequently.

If this game still doesn't feel the same, I will recommend FFXI, now. Years ago, that game was horrible with elitists. Now, endgamers are bending over backwards, praying for new players to help.

The only thing I will argue however, with anyone, is ignoring anxiety in real life and using MMOs as a crutch. This will hinder you not only in real life, but in MMOs as well. You can use these games as a stepping stone, but if you dont occasionally talk to someone you don't know in RL or do something "brave" socially once in a while, you'll never grow out of it.

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Originally Posted by Mugiawara

BUT, I use to be sociable online, and not so much in real life.
When I got a job and hung around people it flipped for me lol.
So damn weird.

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Same boat on that. It's not so much because of a fear or anxiety in terms of being social, though I do feel it to some degree, but it's more that I just don't give a **** lol. Prior to getting a job, combined with the idea of playing actual "current gen" games online being new at the time (this was 2003), I was very proper and willing to be nice or accommodating to everyone, unless you were an asshat in the game.

I did do the same IRL, but not to as many random people as I would have been in the game. After getting my job, general age, and years of new experiences IRL, not to mention the shift of new age mentality with the rise of the internet, it has flipped lol. I'm that crotchety old man online, but still willing to be nice, respectful, and accommodating when put in the situation. I just won't engage in small talk much.

I'd sooner be willing to drop the conversation than engage in a "hello" or emote response... though I do it out of an obligatory feeling. However, put me in a group with someone that doesn't know about the activity, but I do, and I will be that teacher that gets you through things and assumes you do have some degree of anxiety. Thus, I usually throw in comfort words like "don't worry if X happens" or emphasize certain key parts of their role so that they know what to prioritize despite anxious perspectives.

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Originally Posted by Urthdigger

Players really do need to be more considerate to each other in general. This is a COOPERATIVE game, we're all in this together, yet I've seen people fly off the handle and attack each other for the smallest most inconsequential things. Even if the other person has thick skin, being a dick is a good way to get people to do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to just to spite you.

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Unfortunately considerate people is diminishing and is becoming more exclusive to smaller groups of people i.e. FC, LS or even your static. People have less time now and more stress for a game the demands both so outburst are more rampant. A trend I'm seeing is people who use shout to ask a question about the game will normally get 1-3 passive aggressive remarks before actually getting a serious response, assuming they even get a response via shout or tell. This was not the case back in 2.0 but you can also argue that we were all new and were learning together so that sense of social community was helpful. Now with the rampant face roll content, outside of actual savage raid, people have become disassociated as the effort to band together and over come trials is no longer there. So why try guy?

Amdapoor Keep 2.0 was the best example of this. More specifically the Demon Wall fight. Every time, regardless of whether there was a new person in the team, there would be a strategy meeting to asses who would take care of bees, should the range dps range lb the adds, etc. This almost never happens in dungeons now as most people just run in and start fighting. I think SE is right by making the game more accessible to players but where I think they go wrong is making so easy that the wrong demographic gets in. A great example of a game that has online but an excellent online community is the Souls Series. Its through trial and tribulations that create the best experiences. Its okay to be tough but just remember to be fair.

With regards to you saying that this is a co-operative game I don't think that works anymore. This game is designed in such a way that you feel that you always need to look out for yourself instead of others. Yoshi said it best when he said,

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Y... i have a mentality where i try to work hard to cover what that person lacks and clear the content as fast as possible.

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Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/ffxiv/comme..._needs_to_ask/

He is essentially summing up all the thoughts of why tanks always speed run dungeons regardless of if there is a new player. Is it really beneficial for you to make up for someones mistakes? Will they learn anything from it? What you are doing in fact is creating a feeling of disregard and animosity. Speaking from experience I rarely say "Hi" in dungeons anymore and just want to finish it quickly. I rarely explain mechanics in dungeons anymore since its all the same. Dodge aoes, kill adds, burn boss. It didn't used to be this way but something has changed in 3.0 to make me this way now.

As for people with social anxiety like the OP, all I can say is treat others as the way you want to be treated. Unfortunately with the rise of mob mentality, and lack or personal responsibility online more people who shouldn't be talking are speaking the loudest and making those who are sincere and logical the minority so best of luck and try not to let it get to you. Take a break or go outside and listen to some music.

100% agree with what you are saying. But just to toss it out their, the aggressive people that you are talking about, I honestly think that they are suffering from their own social issues. My guess is either at work, school and/or home, they do not get listened to or taken very seriously and are unable to express themselves in those situations. So they log into a mmo, where like you/me/others can drop that wall a little bit, and all that built up anger of theirs ends up flooding out.
It's kind of the same way with people who can be very nice and helpful in the game. In real life they want to help others, but they might be a little scared to say anything, and worried that by trying to help they might do it wrong and make things worse for that person while embarrassing themselves trying.
I think often with online gamer what ever strong emotions they have built up in real life, (positive or negative) are the what they end up expressing in-game.

Not that I am trying to give them an excuse and suggest they should just be forgiven automatically.

Iv ran into those types of players in other mmos over the years, but I'm still pretty new to this game. And so far the worst thing anyone has said about me in group was "Wow, bad tank." Which was putting it lightly. They could have said worse..I was really bad in that group. It was in a Duty zone I had never tanked in before, did not know where anything was or what/when/where adds would spawn. To make thing even worse, right before I accepted the Duty challenge I had just gotten and equipped my Paladin job. Did not realize that it changed my hotbar settings tell after the group started.
So I was 7 different kinds of bad in that group. lol.
But even when the group was over, and that one dps said "Wow, bad tank." before leaving quickly after (so I would not have time to defend and explain myself to him I'm sure), the healer stayed in the group and explained to me how that zone worked, and offered to give me tips on tanking.

Best way to resound to people like that in games, is to not get mad. Don't give them the recreation they are looking for. So saying "F You!" is what they want you to say. So don't do it. And no need to explain/defend yourself because they are not worth the time. Best way to respond; is something like..

X: Worthless tank! Go hang yourself!
Y: Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

lol they won't know what to say to that. XD
And they won't feel proud of themselves for having of had some type of impact on you. If anything, when they get mad at you and you don't get mad/upset back at them...they will feel kinda of stupid about themselves. Because they will see that in that meaningless encounter, they were the only one who had some kind of strong negative reaction to the situation.

People with Anxiety as they are some of the coolest people I play with, it's the Sociopaths that play this game looking for validation & acceptance in a virtual world. (From Experience) They will lie, spread rumors and play the victim just for attention. They also attempt to get revenge on you if they feel like you bruised their ego by not agreeing with them or offering them constructive advice which they see as an "insult" or "Belittling".

I would never tell anyone to "kill yourself" over a video game but, I will offer positive advice. Normally when I tell my friends with anxiety who panic about making mistakes they listen, apologize and work on correcting them. It's the Sociopaths who argue and start slinging insults because they feel humiliated because positive advice is "Belittling" or "Acting Superior" to them.

Those are the players who run off players with their toxicity.

Hi OP! You made a pretty good post imho, hope you keep enjoying the game.
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Honestly, "get a thicker skin" is a very toxic concept in online communities in general. If you look at someone who goes "gosh i wish online communities weren't so awful" and the person saying "go hang yourself" and think the problem is in the former and not the latter, then I think you need to spend some serious reflection time and probably change your opinion.

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Originally Posted by Samcaesar

Honestly, "get a thicker skin" is a very toxic concept in online communities in general.

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That depends on the situation. Telling someone to get a thicker skin can be fitting for the situation. If someone is non-stop complaining about every little thing, like a lack of capitalizing in-game chat among players or grammatical errors, they need to get over that crap if they expect to enjoy themselves at all. Or would you coddle them and say they're right? I'd hope not.

Just like many things people say, they tend to use it wrong. People that defend their right to slander, threaten, or make hate speech by stating that it's their right to do it (maybe falsely linking it to the first amendment), are in fact wrong. Telling someone with anxiety to "get over it" or "get thicker skin" is just glossing over the problem and does not help. Technically it shouldn't make the problem worse neither, but we are a society of overthinking care bears (I'm one of them, sorta), so of course it will make it worse by our own hands twisting an otherwise harmless comment.

I firmly believe in not babying teens and especially adults, but I also believe in respect regardless of age. Even moreso, I believe in people using their damn brain from time to time to realize people are different, so maybe watch your words a little.

Yeah. To be honest that was one of the upsides of moving to a JP server, for me (obviously the main reason was timezone and lack of lag, haha). But on the whole everyone here is so much nicer (and even on the occasion someone is annoyed or doesn't like someone, chances are they won't even say anything! or will do so politely.)

When I was on an NA server at launch I had some horrible experiences, and I was honestly put off playing a particular job for the longest time, because some people were so awful. It made me want to avoid DF because you never knew what kind of person you'd get put with! Like, I am fine talking with people IRL because the majority of people you will meet and talk with in life are not raging assholes. It's really only in games I've come across that... direct vitriol. The "benefits" of being anonymous I guess.

But yeah, finding a nice FC is the best thing to do, really. Less stress and more fun.

I'm glad many people here recognize that anxiety in the game is a very real thing. I hope that it is also recognized that anxiety sufferers already have on their 'thick skin' by pursuing venues in which they can finally be sociable, whether it is this game or anything else they partake in that involves being around other people participating in the same activities. Otherwise they remain in a very isolated, and a very lonely world.

It doesn't change how vicious the internet can be. There are true monsters out there, and they can exist in our community as well. So an anxiety sufferer should be aware, or make themselves aware. It is indeed helpful to acquire a kind of emotional armor to protect themselves from harsh words, harassment, trolls, etc. It will also help them to not lash out at someone who is just trying to help.

As someone with severe anxiety, and also mood and emotional instability, I question all the time if I should be playing this game, and I honestly don't think I would be if I didn't find the community supportive and helpful in general. I've encountered some jerks, as we all have. But you just can't let them take away the rewarding experiences we have by facing our anxiety in the face, and making it through group content with a sense of satisfaction.

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Originally Posted by Welsper59

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Well, I mean, context is important and we're literally taking about when most people use "grow a thicker skin" they're not talking about someone who's complaining about grammar.. Usually people use that phrase when someone, like what the OP was talking about says "go hang yourself!" I think you're being pedantic when I'm obviously not talking about someone who's complaining about grammar.

And no, I assure you we are definitely not a "society of overthinking care bears". People could use a bit more empathy, especially in the age of the internet where like the OP said, a lot of people don't realize that's a human on the other side of the keyboard.

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Originally Posted by Samcaesar

Honestly, "get a thicker skin" is a very toxic concept in online communities in general.

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To be detailed about that statement, it really depends on the intent of that statement.

Someone is going to say the exact same thing for 3 different reasons.

1. They're being a jerk. In this case, you are right, they are entirely toxic and rude.

2. They don't know what you're going through without anxiety themselves, and this is how they learned to conquer their anxiety. Keep in mind, with rare exception, people just don't become social butterflies. They grow into it. They had to go through similar awkwardness and "the unknown" of social interaction until they learn it themselves. They're trying to help you, the intent was as pure as can be, but they just don't understand.
Keep in mind, you'll run into 2 the most. It's not something to take in negative light. If anything its the purist kindness you will obtain with your anxiety problems aside from someone helping you in the way you actually find helpful.

Then there's 3. It's very similar to 2, but they also had/have the anxiety problems you do. Some with worse anxiety, some with better. They went and go through the exact same problems you have, but learned to deal with it by "thick skin". Like 2, their adivce is genuine, and they're trying to point you in the right direction. Although I would personally say 2 is more common then 3, I would personally advise never have the mentality of "they just don't understand me". Quite often they do.

Remember that in regards to 3, just because they "figured it out", doesn't mean that you yourself are a weaker person for being unable to deal with these problems. By the flip side, as I briefly mentioned, it doesn't nessesarily mean your anxiety is worse then theirs and thats why you're still struggling. When it comes to learning anything, things just "click" for people differently. Even if they're say twins, exact same problems, exact same intelligence, sometimes a learned behavior or something of the sort just finally hits them and they go "oohh" at different times.

Also please remember something that is very, very important. When it comes to anxiety, depression, social interactions, what have you. Awareness in these problems is very important. It helps others understand what you're going through as well as help you figure out where you are struggling. Over the last several years, we have made massive changes in the way we view one another as humans.
We however, as a society, have created a deep flaw in doing so. We excuse the behavior and state its simply there and that's it.

Here's an example:
Sarah has depressive disorder. She needs medications and she just gets sad. When she gets sad, that's just her disorder, she can't help it.

What have we done by saying this? Well one, we've noticed she has a problem. This is awareness. This is a good thing. Where is this bad? Not the first sentence and not the second, but the third. We're not helping Sarah and more importantly SARAH isn't helping Sarah. Either Sarah or her friends have done more then become understanding now, they're placating the underlying issue and Sarah isn't problem solving to HELP her deal and cope with her depression. What the kind thing to do, is help with the depression (or cause of the current episode if there is one), and find ways to "prepare" for the next epsiode. Will I expect as Sarah's frined to have problems with depression despite my help? Of course, but I won't just let her sulk and shrug.

A better example, anxiety. I'm playing FFXIV with Erik. Erik is naturally shy and has problems with Anxiety. Erik has problems with dungeons because as a DPS, the tank yells at him for hitting other monsters. Erik shuts down, doesn't talk, and might even log off for the day. Now keep in mind as his friend, I don't have his problem. I dont know what its like to suffer with anxiety. I do know however, how I became social over time and how to play FFXIV. So I talk to Erik. Most at this point would say "grow a thick skin". As Erik's friend. Am I being mean? No. Might come off this way, but I'm trying to show him how I delt with the problem, because again its the only way I understood how to deal with it. So what do I do? Well I explain to him the meaning of "grow a thick skin". "Hey Erik, that tank was a jerk, don't worry about that, he's probably (insert insult). Yeah he was mad about this, and just so you know, as a DPS you wanna hit the same mob he does so he can hold hate, or else you're gonna get hit. I'll be your tank, and we'll try it out. Dont worry, they can't kick you with me there". You go into the dungeon with Erik. You as the friend, start up the conversation in the party, and include Erik in it. Erik now has his safety net. He doesnt have to worry about being kicked, and he can talk to his friend and slowly add more and more to the conversations. Next dungeon, you switch to healer or the other DPS. He now gets a stranger for a tank. He becomes experienced in DPS'ing with tanks and hopefully slowly becomes more active.

NOW. The thing is, say Erik does a dungeon without you and has another bad experience. Shuts down. Logs off. Comes back the next day. That's fine. This happens. You repeat the process. You'll notice he catches up on the social ques quicker with you there. He is in fact learning. Although seemingly small, theres progress. He just needed that little push to keep going.

What you don't do however, is just accept Erik is this way and oh well. And more importantly, you don't let Erik accept that as a truth. Erik is going to learn, even if he's going to be dragged kicking and screaming. That's my job as his friend. And Erik is going to try, because thats HIS job as MY friend. If I'm trying more then he is, well obviously like any other aspect in a friendship, he's not being as good as a friend to me, and I'll remind him of that. If I'm not trying as hard as he is, then I'm not being a good friend. It's effort regardless of the result. If Erik stopped trying and just went in his shell, I'm not feeling sorry for him, in the same way that I'm not feeling sorry for my skinny friend who refused to lift weights to become strong. I'm Erik's friend, I'll spot him when he needs it, but I'm going to remind him he didn't put in the effort if he complains he can't lift 300 pounds.

I have social anxiety bad, too. In game and IRL. I do like to talk, but only if it is directed at me. If it is not, I usually don't say a word. I have a hard time joining in or starting a conversation. It does make the game feel quite lonely and boring sometimes and wish I had some new friends. I get nervous sometimes when I have to speak or around people in general except for a select few. I do sometimes feel like "why is it that I play this game". So really the only thing keeping me around atm is the content and my character. I hope one day it changes, or I have no idea how much longer I'll stick around.

I'm watching the live letter atm and they will let you bring NPCs into dungeons next patch? Even combinations of 1 human and 3 NPCs are possible it seems. I think my roulettes just got more convenient.... I am not very good with people either.

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Originally Posted by Sentaryuu

I have social anxiety bad, too. In game and IRL. I do like to talk, but only if it is directed at me. If it is not, I usually don't say a word. I have a hard time joining in or starting a conversation. It does make the game feel quite lonely and boring sometimes and wish I had some new friends. I get nervous sometimes when I have to speak or around people in general except for a select few. I do sometimes feel like "why is it that I play this game". So really the only thing keeping me around atm is the content and my character. I hope one day it changes, or I have no idea how much longer I'll stick around.

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Happy to see this topic; I'm pretty much on the same boat, only talk if talked to, otherwise I don't say a word ingame; have a hard time being in big fc's because of this or just generally feel super uncomfortable, sometimes even around a small group of people I know. Will always end up questioning why I'm here or why I'm doing this or that; talking myself out of the insecurity isn't always an easy task. Actually quit playing for a few months because of this, really makes the game feel empty (or even scary) when you're just there trying to figure out 'how to people' most of the time. The game is definitely more enjoyable when one can find people that make it better, sometimes even just one is good enough. (least it's been this way for me)

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One thing I think people never understand is that people who do have anxiety of this sort often play MMOs because these types of games let us be a part of a ‘society’, even if it is a virtual one. They let us ‘talk’ to people even if we’d be too shy or scared to in real life.

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And as an added bonus, at least with me, most people in MMOs are people I don't have to deal with every single day in real life, social burnout and all.

As far as actual anxiety goes, most of mine comes from this, in various forms. I can never be myself around people. I'm too far removed from the mainstream, I tend to creep people out. Even nerds and emo types keep their distance.

Our Free Company was set up specifically for people with Social Anxiety. Originally Paranoid was a WoW guild, when a few of us decided to try FF it made sense to take the guild and its ethos with us.

Because nearly all of us have SA, we understand how difficult using things like Chat, Linkshells and DF can be. For me, just the possibility of having to deal with somebody losing their temper and abusing the party if things go wrong, can make grouping with people I don't know extremely stressful.
I know the people saying 'grow a thicker skin' mean well, but it really doesn't help. Nobody consciously chooses to go into an instance with their hands shaking so badly they can barely type. If it was just a case of 'pulling ourselves together' and deciding not to be like that, we'd have done it.

Our Company's aim is for all our members to enjoy FF in a safe, supportive environment. We run a lot of activities during the week, from roulettes to raiding, but we don't insist on people taking part in those events, using voice or even talking in FC Chat.

Hopefully there are other companies like ours on other servers.

Shameless plug: for anyone who would like to know more about Paranoid, here is our website:Paranoid FC

Well. As player with Asperger and selective mutism I understand this nd I want to share my experienced about the talking problems.

Lucky, on game, is not as strong as real life, because is easy if you don't have people in front of you, but still, I am woman of few words and I don't like talk neither in voice chat. Even being leader of my FC, I still barely can talk to members (others high rank member does it for me most of the time). This bring me a lot of problems to find a static, which is mandatory to do Savage content. Normally, I inform when someone want's recruit about this. Some parties I found had no problem on have me silent, only hearing them. But others try to force me to talk after few days and I have to leave because I just can't. I only talked to very very specific people in the game, and in very few ocassions, but nothing more. While I understand chat voice is very useful for savage content, I don't think every single player in the group need to talk. I use macros if I need provoke, or stuff like that. But, as people say in this game a lot, their group their rules, I really can't really do anything to solve this, but only have luck finding a party that really don't need me to talk (I found some in the past, so it is not impossbile, but very hard).

Thanks for all of the responses, all ;) I'm glad to see that I am not the only one that may experience some of these issues, and it is great seeing that so many are supportive and helpful! It is wonderful, also, to see that some people have found great FCs to join and run things with, or even have created FCs that are made for people with issues such as these (like Solara's - though sadly I'm on Faerie server atm so couldn't join). It is good to see people voicing their own thoughts/experiences with this in FF14 and I hope all of us can continue to try to be good people towards each other and hopefully, for some of us, slowly come out of our shells a little :)

This post made me think. I'm the opposite of all the writing, I am sociable, direct, I'm not afraid to meet people virtually and in real life, in fact many who play the ff14, I have known in real life and now they are my friends outside game, now almost everyone with whom I play are also my friends in real life.

But I never considered that my attitude could be detrimental or at least annoying, not to be rude or aggressive, but i want to live and be friends with people in a fast and direct. Inviting them to chat via Skype or Discord. Some people have found that flatly refused to talk and I wondered if i had done or because someone bad. Now I see that maybe I met people who had anxiety and I totally unknow :S

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sentaryuu

I have social anxiety bad, too. In game and IRL.

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^I'm the same as my sister above. Though I don't get on as much anymore because of this. Like I want to talk to someone but I'm horrible at joining or starting a conversation. I say hi at the beginning of dungeons and thank you at the end but that's pretty much it. Also my FC doesn't help either since most of the time they ignore me anyways. They probably don't really know anything about me since they don't ask. And I just don't know what to do about the FC; do I leave or stay since I been with them for a over year now. Most of the time I only play with my sister or alone other than the rare invite to expert roulette.

I am 41 years old and I have not only anxiety, but depression anxiety. I am thankful this game exists and lets me interact with people from a distance. It can hurt sometimes, but most of the times it's beautiful and fun. I can feel "free".
I started to have depression as a child, back in the 80s, when child depression wasn't even a recognized thing yet. I had a very bad childhood and it made me close up more and more. The feeling of not only being unwanted but also a burden and nuisance to my mother plus all the beatings made me try to kill myself twice as a child. This evolved to an added anxiety with zero selfesteem while growing up. Now, as an adult, I can't go to the supermarket on my own because if it's too full of people, I will panic and faint. I have been out of my house 8 times this year so far (I keep track). I can't even convince myself to go to the doctor, the sheer thought of sitting in the waiting room for maybe more than half an hour with everyone staring at me makes my heart almost explode. I feel misplaced between adults, fearful of teenagers and only safe when I'm home with my boyfriend and dog.
TL;DR, why am I telling you this? I know I'm not sat on a couch right now with my shrink.
Some cases, like mine, make it very hard to try to improve ourselves. I have grown a thicker skin over the years, but towards humans. I will no longer grief the loss of a friend or family member, since I avoid contact with human beings anyways. But I will cry for my late dog even after four years. I've learned to not let people disapoint me and depend on them as much as before, by withrawing from my social "responsibilities". I will no longer feel unwanted or lonely when on my own. I've learned to live, by my means, which will be drastic to some, and survive happy and safe.
Now, this is where FF14 comes in. This game (and FF11 before) gave me a chance to be with people again, but from a safe distance. I can chat, party, laugh, be mad, all that without the need of feeling trapped. If it gets too much, /shutdown, do something else. And I don't even have to explain myself to anyone, saying things like "oh I have this and that" and having people feel pity of me and treating me like a snowflake. I can be "normal".
Yes there are arses around and I can be a bitch myself too and I am sometimes I must admit and regret. But in the end I have learned, nothing is personal in this game. And that is my thick skin. If someone is mean to me for whatever reason, I will know it's not because they hate me or my person in real life, the one that has depression anxiety and doesn't leave her house, what a loser, why doesn't she try and cheer up a bit geez... It's just because of a pixelated character that didn't perform to this guy's standards which really, is not a big deal in the end. Maybe he also suffers from some issues and this is how he can vent it out. I dunno. But it's nothing personal. And if it really is that bothersome, I will shout back at him with all my strength. Or rather type and smash my keyboard. And then I can look at my dog and smile thinking how lucky I am having her by my side, not judging me or feeling pity of me. What matters is, they can't come to my house and knock on my door and shout me. I feel safe. It won't spoil the progress I'm making with the good people ingame. And perhaps even leave the house for a 9th time soon ;)