Being Gendered Correctly

I find that if I call someone a "she," based on their character's gender, I'll get corrected 95% of the time. I wouldn't worry about correcting people, it's just the reality of having so many male gamers who play as females. Try not to let it bother you!

Wow. I didn't think this thread would get this much attention so fast. Somehow I still read it all...

Pretty much OP, you're bringing real-life into the game, and that's your issue. Its not that people are being mean, its that you are choosing to make a big deal out of what amounts to nothing. If you want to use gaming as an escape, then use gaming as an escape; bringing your RL issues into the game nullifies that, and that IS your fault.


Ultimately, you are no more special than random guy #173920; I'm not treating you any different than anyone else because you have some RL issue that has no bearing on your ability to play that you've brought into the game. If you correct me, fine, I'll call you how you want...but if you do it in a trollish way don't expect much.

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Originally Posted by Fawkes

Lalafells are too androgynous for someone to be upset that someone else couldn't tell what gender they were.

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I love to say to random Lala I meet "In the words of a famous professor: 'Are you a Boy or a Girl?'" Always get laughs out of it.

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Originally Posted by Fawkes

Lalafells are too androgynous for someone to be upset that someone else couldn't tell what gender they were.

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+1 to this. It's really hard for me to tell what gender most lalafells are. Plus "Kim" is both a male and a female name, and "Kimmy" is an androgynous derivative of that. Regardless if you are a natural woman, a trans woman, or anything else I'd probably inadvertently call you "he" unless told otherwise because 1) your character is more androgynous than anything else and 2) sadly males do dominate the game community so it's much safer to just say "he" than "she" or "they".

On the flip side, if you call a person with a female avatar "she" a lot of male players get offended at that, at least from what I've seen. So there's really no winning situation here.

*edit* maybe you could place what you'd prefer to be called in your LFG note? I'm not sure how many people actually look at those but I know I do.

Its understandable on both sides of the argument.
However, I just call everyone by their first name and don't use "he" or "she".
No one ever gets offended when called by their first name :p

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Originally Posted by Lilysparkle

Yes, you *can* be 100% right about this.

If it's a male character use he/him, if it's a female character use she/her. :) If someone gets upset at you addressing their character by their gender, it's the only information you had to go on at that time. It's not unreasonable. At this point it's their issue, not yours (because you can rightly say, "Well if you wanted to be called "him" then you were within your rights to make a male character.").

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I disagree. Way too many males play female characters for you to just assume they're female. And in my experience, they're way more apt to tell you "I'm a dude....". To me, if being called a "he" or "she" bothers anyone, it's on that person to correct people. You shouldn't expect the world to revolve around you. Either grow a thicker skin or simply make a Macro that says "I'm a girl" and make it your life's mission to let the world know.

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Originally Posted by PArcher

Ultimately, you are no more special than random guy #173920; I'm not treating you any different than anyone else because you have some RL issue that has no bearing on your ability to play that you've brought into the game. If you correct me, fine, I'll call you how you want...but if you do it in a trollish way don't expect much.

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I take offense to this. I am not random "guy" #173920. I am random "guy" #173902!

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Originally Posted by Gardes

How can I tell people I'm a grill when I'm actually a potato?

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First time I met a grill playing a video game. Mind if put some steaks on your rack? Although with the proper seasoning, cut-up potatoes grilled in tin foil (or aluminum) are also quite tastey.

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Originally Posted by Versiroth

Either grow a thicker skin or simply make a Macro that says "I'm a girl" and make it your life's mission to let the world know.

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How can I tell people I'm a grill when I'm actually a potato?

Dear SE:

Most names in FFXIV are too fantastic to be gender indicative. Most of the equipment hides features too much to tell at first glance what gender a player is.

Please add http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...symbol.svg.png and http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...symbol.svg.png beside names in party list.

Rule #16
There are no girls on the internet.

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Originally Posted by Gardes

How can I tell people I'm a grill when I'm actually a potato?

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Sack of potatoes....

Victim Blaming: 101 - The Thread.

As a female gamer myself, I really can't get on-board with this, because I do it myself - I generally assume everyone else is a guy until evidence otherwise presents itself. Why? Experience, that's why!
Didn't occur to me it would offend anyone, because I myself don't get offended by it. I do swear a lot though so I do understand when people think I'm a guy, I'm not exactly very lady-like at the best of times >_>

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Originally Posted by Cetra

Victim Blaming: 101 - The Thread.

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there's a victim in this thread?

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Originally Posted by Cetra

Victim Blaming: 101 - The Thread.

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The OP is a .....victim?

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b3...eifserious.jpg

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Originally Posted by reality_check

Dear SE:

Most names in FFXIV are too fantastic to be gender indicative. Most of the equipment hides features too much to tell at first glance what gender a player is.

Please add http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...symbol.svg.png and http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...symbol.svg.png beside names in party list.

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That's not good enough xir. Some I us are mops and brooms in real life, my best friend happens to be a bear married to a disembodied voice. I am offended.

I usually just call you by whatever avatar you're wearing. See no reason my character would mistake your sex.

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Originally Posted by Yahavage

As a female gamer myself, I really can't get on-board with this, because I do it myself - I generally assume everyone else is a guy until evidence otherwise presents itself. Why? Experience, that's why!
Didn't occur to me it would offend anyone, because I myself don't get offended by it. I do swear a lot though so I do understand when people think I'm a guy, I'm not exactly very lady-like at the best of times >_>

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I do this too haha!

I've stopped caring to correct people when I do things in PF or DF...only if I really form a friendship with someone that I will talk to again later will I make the effort to let my gender be known. It just doesn't matter most of the time, honestly. You're there to play a game, to kill moogles or Titan or w/e, not to divulge in IRL shenanigans.

I will call everyone "it" from now on. "They" implies that they are so fat it must be more than one person.

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Originally Posted by Alipoprocks

I will call everyone "it" from now on. "They" implies that they are so fat it must be more than one person.

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Or we can all just talk like slyphs.

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Originally Posted by TeaTimeBear

Or we can all just talk like slyphs.

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"Big breasted one must follow!" "Long-tailed one should cast cure!"

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Originally Posted by TeaTimeBear

Or we can all just talk like slyphs.

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We actually did that for a while as a bunch of us were finishing up the Sylph dailies.

I'm going to see if I can't bring that back now...

I just go off character sex, but I've been playing these games since I was I child I don't even notice anymore are I barely talk to the dungeon randoms as they are rarely on my server

Because I know males that play female characters and females that play male characters, I try to use character names when referring to someone. It keeps it simple.

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Originally Posted by Alipoprocks

I will call everyone "it" from now on. "They" implies that they are so fat it must be more than one person.

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I....... I laughed at this. Sorry in advance to anyone I use "they" on who may or may not actually be really fat irl :3

This one has a massive headache from the reading of this thread.

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Originally Posted by Awrini

This one has a massive headache from the reading of this thread.

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This one agrees with that one about the massive headache those ones gave us.

Why is it so hard for so many people to understand someone's sensitivities? One day in life you will feel strongly about something that the rest of the world probably doesn't give two shits about.

You know what makes it easier? Compassionate people who will respect sensitivities even if it means nothing to them. It's called basic interaction with human beings 101, a course that it seems a lot people around these forums missed out on.

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Originally Posted by reality_check

Why is it so hard for so many people to understand someone's sensitivities? One day in life you will feel strongly about something that the rest of the world probably doesn't give two shits about.

You know what makes it easier? Compassionate people who will respect sensitivities even if it means nothing to them. It's called basic interaction with human beings 101, a course that it seems a lot people around these forums missed out on.

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Coddling people and giving merit to their (over)sensitivities is what causes people like the OP to act so entitled in the first place. People need to stop getting offended by every minute little thing that happens to them.

If people were told to "Suck it up!" a little more and "Ah, you poor thing!" a little less, the world would be a better place.

I just take a page out of the Sylphs' book and call everybody "that one".

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Originally Posted by Versiroth

Coddling people and giving merit to their (over)sensitivities is what causes people like the OP to act so entitled in the first place. People need to stop getting offended by every minute little thing that happens to them.

If people were told to "Suck it up!" a little more and "Ah, you poor thing!" a little less, the world would be a better place.

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You have a lot to learn about life and people in general.

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

Would you prefer me to call you 'it'?

"Is it back yet?" "Nah, it went to get some water."

I'm just joking, I use "they" as well most of the time, or I just use the name itself. Using the name will eliminate any kind of assumptions/misunderstandings.

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Originally Posted by whoopeeragon

Using the name will eliminate any kind of assumptions/misunderstandings.

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No one would ever expect you to completely eliminate the idea of assumptions and misunderstandings. That would be impossible. What people need is your understanding. You can assume that everyone is man in the video game, but if you offend someone, you just have to be willing to apologize and acknowledge that your assumptions may have hit a soft spot for that person.

It's actually a REALLY easy thing to do.

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

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Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

Pick your battles, this one isn't worth it unless you get a thrill out of playing victim.

I know quite a few mtf women in this game and am married to one. None of them become become grossly offended and throw a fit over the assumption they're men. They just state otherwise aren't and leave it at that. If someone wants to be a dick about it and harass them over the fact, they don't get upset, they just blacklist and move on. Why give people that kind of power over you?

Maybe its a maturity thing as I have noticed younger mtf women are more prone to taking offense than older women.

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

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Isn't this kind of thinking antiquated? I can't tell you how many times I have been in a party where someone has been corrected, or how many times I have been corrected when I have made a mistake. In addition - in my decade and a half or so of mmo gaming, I've seen this happen exactly one time. One guy, pretending to be a girl, who took advantage of people. Does it happen? Yep. But I doubt very highly it happens with the frequency you are implying.

I think that trans folks may be more sensitive to it than cis folks are - but I completely understand what the op is saying. Her character is female. Her name is feminine. And believe me, you have a much lower chance of offending someone who playing a female character with a female name by using the feminine pronoun than by using the masculine one. And if it IS someone who identifies as the male gender on the other side of the screen, he will say nah, I'm a dude, I just really dig this Mi'quote's backside - or something equally ridiculous. The point being - he knew when he rolled a female character there was a chance he'd be called she once in a while.

Guys, get used to it. There are more females playing games than EVER before, and they aren't all just "someone's girlfriend". I happen to be female as well, though I realize that I probably should have used the feminine form of the word hero in my character name. Still, because of this I tend to not address it most of the time when I am misgendered - but I'd still like to see things evolve a bit. It's not just you guys anymore.

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Originally Posted by Themis

Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

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All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

There are no restrictions regarding what type of character a person can create.

Therefore, there is no restriction on what type of assumptions I'm allowed to make about the person on the other side. I will say "he" or "she" based on the way you act. If I'm wrong, just say something. It is absolutely ASININE to get upset about this.

One of my characters is a Lalafel, and I'm 6'2". I don't feel hurt when someone calls me "shrimp" in-game. YOU ARE NOT YOUR CHARACTER. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY FOR ANYONE TO TELL WHO YOU ARE IN REAL LIFE BASED ON YOUR CHARACTER.

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Originally Posted by whiskeybravo

All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

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I'd agree if it was ambiguous. In the case of the OP, we are talking about a female character, with a female name. Is it really that far a stretch to just call that character a "she"? If the name was something a little more neutral I'd agree every time. All she is saying is if you see someone named Jennifer, go ahead and use the pronoun you'd use if you met someone named Jennifer in real life.

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Originally Posted by TeaTimeBear

Problem with doing that is Jennifer is male, and does not want you calling him female. I think it's to much work. No matter what you say someone can take offense. At the end of the day it's just not worth all the stress over a pronoun used on the internet. If you know them personally then correcting close friends ect is no problem. But to correct every random? No thank you.

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Guess I hit my ten post limit, but I still wish to address this comment.

If a man makes a female character and names her Jennifer, he's going to expect that his character may be misgendered. You then use the correct pronoun after he informs you of his preference. But to say that using the accepted feminine pronoun when confronted with a person named Jennifer is "too much work" - that's an absurd statement. There is just nothing about that statement that even remotely makes sense.

Right now there's too many men that are females in game, so I usually don't care if im playing with a she or he, so im one of those ppls that would refer to you as whatever gender I might catch from your name, im a man and I play a male character, but from what I have read in these forums and saw in the game im part of the minority.

So in short, don't take it too seriously and a good tip from me when you make a character make the nickname in a way that people can catch easily that you are a woman or man, when im doing a dungeon I rarely check other ppls in my party, unless you have a good piece of gear...