The Many Deaths of Final Fantasy XIV

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ZhaneX

Got a laugh out of this. Funny stuff.

---

Yay! Someone who found the thread for what it is!

this is undoubtedly the best post i have ever read in the entire history of these forums i love you

Got some suggestions for the OP (please rephrase as you see fit. I'm sure I made some mistakes in emulating Fluttershy's style)

• The Introduction of Glamour: In patch 2.2, players now have the ability to wear anything* (that their class can equip) they want. "Now how are we supposed to tell Jobs apart?" cried the people dressed in subligars like they were going to a BDSM convention. "Prisms are too expensive" yelled the peasants with only 1000 gil to their name. "They are gonna prioritize this over the actual content" claimed people in Allagan gear. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.
• 1 Prism, not 5: Patch 3.4 changed things so that players only need 1 prism of the appropriate type to change that level i250 chest piece into an i1 dress or an i100 suit of mail instead of needing two prisms of different grades for both. "Now how I will I make money?" cried crafters that didn't get Melded Ironworks gear. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.
• Dyable Replicas: Players are now able to get dyable versions of the gear form the Coils of Bahamut (sans Dreadwyrm Weapons)...by crafting. "Now any scrub can just buy dyable Coil gear!" cried raiders. "They should had just made the original gear dyable!" yelled people with a mix of common sense and entitlement. "This is just a way crafters can fleece us out of hard earned gil." claimed the cheapskates. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.
• Accursed Dyable Replicas: The inclusion of the Accursed Hoard and with it several sets of crafted glamour gear up to and including the Dreadwyrm replicas enabled players to get them more easily/ "First the prisms now this?" cried middling crafters upset at their continued irrelevance. "Now our special gear is gonna be worn by even more plebians!" claimed raiders still not over the sting of the fact that replicas exist instead of the normal and untradable raid drops just being made dyable. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

:^) (Seriously I can see people getting mad at the inclusion of glamour or glamor-related aspects)

More than deaths, these feel more like questionable choices than anything: other mmorpgs tend to do a lot of things wrong too but the feeling when I play FFXIV is a sensation of "overcomplicating things because we must". Just think of Glamour: why did we need 5 grades for 8 types of prisms just so we can glamour? Why can't be an npc just like every game (which would make a perfect gil sink)? Oh because crafters won't have anything to do? Not my problem! Other crafters in most games have at least a reason to be there but it seems like glamour is the endgame for crafters.

Although my biggest deal of all is the 45 days reclaim for housing: that was their choice that literally split my friendships apart. I was so happy to have bought mine during 2.4, I worked so hard to gain that money and when I got it I felt so rewarded, so happy. But now? Oh you dare to take a break for more than 45 days? Shame on you, I guess you aren't worth to keep this house! And sadly even my "friends" (mind the quotes) said that I was a selfish prick for attempting at defending my hard earned house, resulting in me being alone since HW came out. Good riddance I say. But oh well, if they only allowed me to get my 80% refund by actually making me demolishing it (why only after 45 days? seriously why...), I'll gladly unworth myself and move my unworthy money to another unworthy game.

My SWTOR house is still there, waiting for me after my yearly pause <3

I just stumbled onto this post, and even though it's 2 years old, this is probably the best post I have seen yet. I couldn't mash the like button fast enough. Thank you xD

Welcome to the internet. People need rage for all. A lot of people is still convinced this game is dying. Fun thing, every day at log, I always get the message "This server is full" with poeple in the queue to enter. I don't think this game is dead at all, just some poeple need repeat it to make their argument valid "This game suck, is dying because blabla"

I will add one more to you list, but htis time is a prediction (like the other deads anyway):


46: On November 2016, at EEUU fan-fest, a new expasion was announced! "Yes, SHE IS DANCER, but... wait, why is she fightning like a monk?" Well nevermind, people waited for the inteview, and Yoshi-P stated a lof of things and features that will come with new expasion. The best o of the best players that always are RIGHT and their opinion is the ABSOLUTE true claimed "THis is a bullshit, it is a Heavensward in disguise, we will get the same bored progression, same bored dungeons, the same bored primals and the stupid item level gear system. This Game is not like FFXI and is bad because WE SAY IT and everyone will quit!!" So, cause this, many players WILL quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

47: Extra Rage: NO NEW (Viera) RACEEEEE, BURN IN HELL SQUARE!!!!!


Sorry, I am not good like you at humor :S But I had to say it.

I know where is the door, thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Xlantaa

"Yes, SHE IS DANCER, but... wait, why is she fightning like a monk?"

---

I am totally expecting this to happen. Some people already mutter it, but it's mostly drowned out by the "SHE'S TOTALLY NOT A DANCER!" stuff. So in the event she does turn out to be a Dancer, I can totally see people accusing their apparent style of just being a Monk-clone being the next popular subject of rage.

Fun times ahead to be sure.

I herd u liek red fenrirs

Quote:

---

46. Pet vs Pet: A glorious Feast awaited those that harvested their enemies! Every season, a new Feast would begin, and prizes rewarded to the most bloodthirsty players. In the third season, one of the rewards shocked those who didn't want to participate in killing their fellow players! A tiny Fenrir, stained in the blood of the Feast, was put up as a reward. But worse than that, only 20 players per data server would have this adorable pup! "But I want to catch 'em all!" cried the playerbase, red and white balls in hand. "Let the PvPers have something unique to them!" roared the savages. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

47. Pet vs Pet, Pt. 2: SE noticed a sharp decline in their active subscriptions after people took issue with a rare, PvP only pet. Attempting to salvage and regain subscriptions, they announced "lol jk, we gunna give it to u in 3.5 but Feast people get it early." As always, uproar happened. "Seriously? Just going to screw over dedicated PvPers by bowing to stupid demands?" complained the PvPers, who really should be happy that scrublord PvE players aren't messing up their win trades. A tiny amount of players quit the game at this point, because how many actually competitive PvPers actually play, causing SE to shrug their shoulders and go "close enough."

---

Quote:

---

24. Lightning Strikes Out: To celebrate the return of a certain time and possibly dimension hopper from the Final Fantasy XIV world, an event was created in the Final Fantasy XIV world, which brought Lightning Farron to the world. "This event breaks lore! bellowed the in-depth lore readers, who haven't heard the phrase "we should do it just for the hell of it." "Quit forcing your Mary Sue on us!" cried the people who didn't find the deepness in Lightning's storyline. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

---

The absolute mad woman then came back two more times to kill the game.
How does she get away with it? and on the topic of cross over characters, Shantotto and Dragon Quest mobs also came to pee on FFXIV's grave.

Holy great wall of text batman!!!!!!

Laughed kind of hysterically, and I haven't even read all yet. x)

Beautiful. I read every word.

I was actually debating if I should keep this thread going with some newer stuff. People attack me when this hasn't been bumped for awhile.

In the end, I decided I really don't give a damn that we'll have a brand new set of people who don't know what satire is because they make me lol.

Quote:

---

48. Xed BY A MENTOR: From the dawn of time, the human race learned by doing things. This knowledge would be passed down through the ages, making the future population have an easier existence. SE knew this fact, and thought "why don't we just have experienced players teach the newer players what to do?" As such, the mentor system was developed! People initially enjoyed the mentor program, mostly because they'd get a prize after 2000 mentor roulettes. But then new players actually started to seek guidance from the mentors. This infuriated the mentors, who would promptly initiate a vote kick because "hit it till it dies" is rarely the actual strategy for fights and they didn't want to waste time explaining. Players then came to the forums, complaining that mentors stole their dogs, killed their parents, wore white after Labor Day, and kicked them from duties. As the forums became dedicated to mentor abuse, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

---

I'm trying to come up with one for Diadem, but my brain is tired.

People're complaining about Proto-Ultima's weekly trade-ins too. Really it just seems to be more complaining about "TOO CASUL!!!" in general, so maybe you could put a spin on that?

OMG, what even is this? I love you.

I'd laugh that my thread is in on the XIV Killing Meme, but the mentors are still menaces. Why the other day I saw one watering someone else's garden...no doubt planning to steal their crops and laugh!

Haha this is awesome!
The Mentor addition is hilarious!

This is literally an attempt to see how many times I can get away with copy and paste and still be true to the story.

Quote:

---

49. Diadamn, Gurl: One day, a new addition was added to the game, the Diadem! A very popular place in its release patch, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level of gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to make the next update's gear better than Diadem gear. Many players quit the Diadem at this point, causing SE to take the server offline because it was no longer useful. Promises were made of improvements to the Diadem before it would be put back in. In patch 3.55b, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

---

We're coming up to the milestone 50th death! What will it be? I gotta put a lot of thought into it...

Calling OP. Another death is on the rise!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zigabar

Calling OP. Another death is on the rise!

---

A new meme has been born!
Its name shall be "literally unplayable now"!
Rise, meme farmers, and celebrate this wondrous day!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SilkaN

A new meme has been born!
Its name shall be "literally unplayable now"!
Rise, meme farmers and celebrate this wondrous day!

---

Time to update my signature.

A mentor stole my ping and mocked me on the official forums please halp OP

This was a work of art. Bravo!

Sry，stayed up late last night for servers to get back on, now my eyes are too tired for your opening post: tl;dr.

Cheers,
D.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dlgc

Sry，stayed up late last night for servers to get back on, now my eyes are too tired for your opening post: tl;dr.

Cheers,
D.

---

There is no tl;dr. Go back and read when you're awake.

It's worth it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dlgc

tl;dr.

---

tl;dr version:

"People quit the game for various reasons but because I'm still here, despite everything, those people are stupid. Not me. I'm the smart one."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dlgc

Sry，stayed up late last night for servers to get back on, now my eyes are too tired for your opening post: tl;dr.

Cheers,
D.

---

If you need a tldr for this post, you're doing it wrong.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zigabar

Time to update my signature.

---

Can I copy it? I need change it a bit in some way though

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SilkaN

A new meme has been born!
Its name shall be "literally unplayable now"!
Rise, meme farmers, and celebrate this wondrous day!

---

Describing minor inconveniences as rendering a game 'literally unplayable' is a pretty old meme dude.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jandor

Describing minor inconveniences as rendering a game 'literally unplayable' is a pretty old meme dude.

---

Well... you could also call it "A Meme Reborn" if you want.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SilkaN

Well... you could also call it "A Meme Reborn" if you want.

---

But, it never died.
Reddit wouldn't let it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jandor

But, it never died.
Reddit wouldn't let it.

---

Anything Reddit touches instantly dies.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SilkaN

Anything Reddit touches instantly dies.

---

Zombie meme, beaten to death and reanimated many times over.

I dont always read the forum, but when I do, it's for masterpieces like this one.

Great work there! Enjoyed it.

Version 4.0: SB ushered in many changes to the battle system. WHM no longer useful in raid utility! Many WHM players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

Forgot one:

One day Square Enix decided they wanted to prevent the packet loss bottleneck from kanooksville, so moved the servers to california. The east coasters took up arms and the europeans shrieked, as Savage FCs sent them flying with the ban hammer! 120ms? Literally unplayable. So square enix took the servers down because the game was no longer profitable.... and nothing of value was lost.

I think the sum of 3.x is probably along the lines of "One day SE decided that giving players a shit ton of Moogles and goblins was a good idea. When the Moogles never ended the common people cried foul and quit playing, unable to find that last moogle hiding behind that pillar in the abandoned coliseum you could fly in. Shortly after, the Goblin machina-spawned pepsiman wrecked everything the raiding community ever believed in who quit the game by the masses as team after team was destroyed. as the last raiders quit the game SE was forced to shutdown their servers as the game was no longer profitable."

Please add eureka and the app premium to your list, she is not up to date anymore :)

Also, necromancer job confirmed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kleeya

Please add eureka and the app premium to your list, she is not up to date anymore :)

Also, necromancer job confirmed.

---

Also, Rauhbahn Savage, the Kugane launch crysis, the healer balancing crysis, the wiping city of mhach, O5S~O8S dificulty, etc.

EDIT: Necromancer is a healer who never gave up.

I lost my collective s**t at "whinjas"
Well played sir, and for the record I 100% agree with your sentiment. I find that wearing looser underwear has increased my enjoyment of the game dramatically, others should follow suit.