Unbelievable Rudeness!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sanctify

Kids these days. When I was 13 I was playing vanilla WoW. Waaayyyyyy more provocative than this fairy tale. My advice, teach you kid to have tougher skin OR don't let your 13yr old play an online game. It's so different now than the old days, way more creeps and weirdos. Just look at some of the threads here, for example (looking at you ppl who want playable children).

---

I think I was playing stuff like CoD (the good ones). That was an experience.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MarniDawg

As a parent you should take this moment to teach her how to deal with her reaction to people behaving in this way. The real world isn't always a kind place either and giving her the tools to deal with situations like this is giving her a leg up in life.

---

Literally the most sensible thing on the forums I've seen this week.

Though "could" perhaps instead of "should."

Hey, OP. I'm kinda in the same boat as you - my daughter is around the same age as yours, and loves playing this game. However, one caveat: I do not allow her to enter any group content without either me or her dad (or on the best days, both of us) "in person". That way she has a shield against idiots. We also regularly discuss online behaviours with her, because at her age, she doesn't have all the coping skills an adult has to deal with it, let alone the understanding. We've talked about bullying, both online and off, as well. I imagine you've done the same, but it seems like it's a good time to go over all that again with your kid. Remind her she's awesome for doing this stuff, remind her just how far she's come as a player, and she doesn't need to give up because of a setback. Help her understand mistakes happen (I reckon you've already done this, but it bears repeating for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation), and the best way to get over it, is to get back up on the horse and try again.

Only this time, please go with her. It's both more fun when you do stuff like this with your kid (as you already know!), but it's for her safety too. Also, you get the chance to be the best parent by telling a bully to get stuffed and what-have-you if the situation arises. You will show by direct example how to deal with bullies, probably some of the best teaching opportunities you'll get for that sort of thing (let's make a negative experience have a positive outcome at least). On top of that, it's a great, subtle way to work on communication and teamwork with your kid, because you can discuss strategy and whatnot as you go.

Chin up to your kid, and again, please remind her how awesome she's been, and that mistakes happen - don't miss the opportunity to learn from them. <3 & *hugs* for your daughter!

As some people mentioned before

PEGI 16

The fault is on you.

I'm sorry for what your kid experienced, if I had one of course I wouldn't wish mine to go through something like that, but it happened under your permission and responsibility. Should've prevented her before starting to interact with others.

All what you are asking of ppl is good and in a perfect world ppl would/should act this way, but we all know our world isnt perfect, there are rude ppl everywhere,ppl who try to take advantage of someone, that try to scam you or other bad things. I agree with the ppl encouraging you to help your daughter deal with this situations, because you wont be always there to protect her and she will face such ppl not only in online games, but in school, working place and so on. Her age and charakter(shy) doesnt mater,since she is already exposed to this and will be in the future. Saying she doesnt want to play anymore because of someone.. this is running away from a problem, she needs to learn to face such things and not allow other ppl to ruin her fun so easily.And yes we need to teach them how to stand up for them selves if someone is rude to them, someone harasses them, bullys them or even physicaly abuses them.
That doesnt mean i support or encourage ppl to be rude/toxic to each other or even like when such things happen, but reality is that such situations exist.

Best of luck.

I mean did she or did she not cause the wipe? I don't care if a player is 3 or 30. They mess up, they get the blame.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by AxlStream

I mean did she or did she not cause the wipe? I don't care if a player is 3 or 30. They mess up, they get the blame.

---

LOL 3 years old tho? Like ... Whats getting mad and yelling at a 3 year old gonna do? It's not like they would understand your anger and their mistake and be like " Alright dog my bad. I'll not wipe us next time." Cause THREE LOL. Like I get your point... but you would kindof have to take age as an account man. I'm not expecting a three year old to understad jack. NOW a 30 year old.... Go ham.

Well I hope as her parent you ripped them a new one, but that being said just remind the kid that people are assholes and what they say to her has zero worth on her own character. Don't let her give up and try to get her to enjoy the more positive aspects of the game. And while ppl are bringing up the whole rating system as a gotcha, ya and she clearly had adult supervision. You can take a 13 yr old to an R rated movie, you can supervise them playing a rated M game. If my niece got even half the flack I see tossed around sometimes, especial after I point out they are going after a literal child, I'd be pissed too. Kids most likely will not be as skilled as us adults and there is no need to go after someone over one wipe most of the time. And if its mentioned they're young, then what are you doing taking cheap shots at a child? Good god some of these replies.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rosentretter

As some people mentioned before

PEGI 16

The fault is on you.

I'm sorry for what your kid experienced, if I had one of course I wouldn't wish mine to go through something like that, but it happened under your permission and responsibility. Should've prevented her before starting to interact with others.

---

derp derp derp.... makin the world safe from cursin' and uncovered boobs

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by savageink

derp derp derp.... makin the world safe from cursin'and uncovered boobs

---

To be fair, you will get a harsh ban for cursing on here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SturmChurro

To be fair, you will get a harsh ban for cursing on here.

---

Lol! I think that's a younger rating than pegi 16.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MarniDawg

As a parent you should take this moment to teach her how to deal with her reaction to people behaving in this way. The real world isn't always a kind place either and giving her the tools to deal with situations like this is giving her a leg up in life.

---

^this

how should she handle problems irl, when she crys about such unimportant things?

Online interactions are pretty much unrated in these games, the rating only covering the in-game, developer provided content.

As for the topic on hand, I would advise the same as some others. Use this unfortunate "opportunity" to have her learn to handle situations like this, or generally dont let her near online games. Preventative measures dont really exist for this kind of stuff. You can punish the perps afterwards, but by then the "damage" is done.

You can make the consequences for being an a**hole severe, but personally I dont think that being an a**hole warrants greater punishment than a verbal warning. Naturally actual harrasment is another thing, but a salty statement flinging blame for a wipe most certainly doesn't constitute as such.

Let your daughter play League of Legends Ranked Games for 1 Month, and ur daugther's skin will be as hard as a Rock against bullying https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...924/cataya.png

that really sucks im sorry she had to go through that and i hope shes gets back on the bike( so to speek) and trys again we should never let jerks get between us and what we love to do

I want to know what the "Mouthy entitled twerp" actually said to her. If the wipe was her fault and they had no idea your kid was 13, calling them out for the wipe could have been the right call to point out what they were doing wrong to improve. Alas we dont know what they actually said.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jeeqbit

Source: https://pegi.info/de/search-pegi?q=final+fantasy+xiv

---

Pegi is not a word wide rating.

For example in good old Germany the game has a 12 year rating. And Germany is not the onliest country with a lower rating ;)

Isn't the game for 16 years old and older?
You might want to start there, perhaps.

Then, MMOs are like that. I don't want to sound like an annoying guy but there's clearly a lack of judgement there. Playing FFXIV or any other online means exposing yourself to other people, and the internet has some kind of amplification effect on these kind of behaviours (being entitled, agressive and else). That's not something to consider lightly when choosing such a game.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fredco191

As a fellow kid playing an MMO. This is just something she’ll have to get used to.

---

This for sure. I'm not advocating for rude people, but what will happen when this happens at school, at work, or in her personal life? At some point she'll have to either suck it up or stand up for herself. The world is not going to change solely based on the needs of one person, but she can learn ways off dealing with rude people like that. My personal go-to is to just take a break from the game, cool off with Pac-Man or Dig Dug, and possibly report the person(s) for what they were doing if they were excessively rude. Yes, it's unfair that her fun time was ruined by some rude people on the internet, but dwelling and obsessing on it doesn't hurt those rude players. Moving on and dusting the incident off your shoulders and not letting it weigh you down is the best way to go about it in my experience. Also friends / family for consistent groups makes for pretty regular fun times instead of random groups. :)

While I'm sorry this happend to your daughter, I'd like to point out that you, OP, are most likely right about one thing, which is that your daughters party didnt had all the information they needed to handle the situation better.
I could be wrong with my guess here, but... did your daughter let the party know that it was her first time in that trial and that she was very nervous about it? In my personal experience it goes a long way to just type a little message in partychat, letting everyone know that its your first time, stating that you're open for any advice and that you're going to try your best - some people will still be jerks, but with being pro-active like that you stand a good chance to at least win the sympathy of the rest. There is a lot of great advice in this thread already, but I'd like to add setting up a little "Hi, first time here! I'm looking forward to this run and am going to try my best, but if you've got any advice for me it would be appericiated!"-macro thing so that when she enters a duty she can just hit that button to give everyone the information they need (We have a new person) and make a good impression (the new person told us so themself and is open for advice).

...best case scenario is obviously that she doesnt run dungeons/trials totally by herself though to ensure that she always has an ally.

While unfortunate, this is just how the internet can be sometimes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mansion

Isn't the game for 16 years old and older?
You might want to start there, perhaps.

Then, MMOs are like that. I don't want to sound like an annoying guy but there's clearly a lack of judgement there. Playing FFXIV or any other online means exposing yourself to other people, and the internet has some kind of amplification effect on these kind of behaviours (being entitled, agressive and else). That's not something to consider lightly when choosing such a game.

---

Here in the USA it's rated T. That's listed as 13 + according to the ESRB or whatever garbage industry watchdog runs it.

I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that. Sadly however I also agree that it might be wise to use this as a teachable moment, as no matter where she goes on the internet she's likely to encounter this sort of thing. It's just that being in an MMO exposes you to more people and thus many more instances where people will give into to being jerks. Please understand this isn't me condoning what happened. However it might be better to prepare your daughter for this inevitability now so she's equipped to handle it when it happens again. Because even if she stops playing FF14 it /will/ happen again on other sites and communities unless she avoids the internet entirely.

To paraphrase the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory:

Normal Person + Internet + Anonymity + An Audience = The potential to be an asshole.

You can't control other people being horrible. You can however equip your daughter so that she can brush those people off.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by savageink

Here in the USA it's rated T. That's listed as 13 + according to the ESRB or whatever garbage industry watchdog runs it.

---

Oh I didn't know that. It's weird because here in EU it's 16+ (and I agree on this actually, not for the game content itself but precisely this interaction with other people that is beyond anyone's reach).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Durandallwyn

I was watching my 13 year old daughter playing a trial boss. And some mouthy little entitled twerp started blaming her cuz she was panicking a little and the party wiped. She was in tears and left. Now she\\'s saying she never wants to play again.
She\\'s always been a bit sensitive and shy but enjoys final Fantasy games even the old ones I grew up playing. She was very proud of herself for getting into stormblood and kept saying she was looking forward to the new expansion. Her confidence level was starting to show and it was a great way for us to do something together.
You rude players out there need to stop expecting others to be like you! Be understanding! you don\\'t have most of the facts and can\\'t judge them nor blame them. You do not know what is going on in other people\\'s environments, various distractions occur, and stop freaking out cuz your video game wasn\\'t perfect.

---

*Eyetwitch.*

This post sounds too much like "OMG, don't tell my kid how to play a game! *Engages overprotective parent.*"

With the limited given information, mistakes will happen and people will point them out, especially to the person who caused a wipe. Since the statement is vague, we don't know how [potentially un]kindly this criticism was given. You admit she's sensitive - so it literally could have been something not even rude and set her off. Text doesn't translate into tone very well unless you know that individual's mannerisms very well. Pointing out mistakes and giving criticism is not rude by default, especially if it's something that could be considered basic competence (you know, a healer healing, a tank holding aggro and using the correct CDs, DPS not eating bad and doing decent numbers). It's an MMO - a team-based one.

You can teach her how to take the comments in stride - how to handle criticism, how to correctly deal with rude players (making use of the blacklist feature) or even killing people with kindness (sometimes people do back down or change their tones by saying sorry I messed up). I wouldn't suggest teaching them going to the forums in a futile attempt to change thousands of strangers - changing a single person's reaction is far more plausible.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xxvaynxx

All they're doing as her parent is coming here to remind people not everybody playing is an adult and should be respectful to your fellow player.

---

so i should ask everyone if they're a minor before I say something rude, what can go wrong.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nora_of_Mira

so i should ask everyone if they're a minor before I say something rude, what can go wrong.

---

I mean right?! Can't even be an asshole without first asking the ~9ft tall male roe in a leopard tanga if he's a minor? /s

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nora_of_Mira

so i should ask everyone if they're a minor before I say something rude, what can go wrong.

---

Or you could just not say rude things to people?

Well, without knowing what was said is hard to "judge", in special with today's extreme sensibility. Being told you are doing something the wrong way is the ultimate insult. And by the way, being blunt is not the same as being rude so:

"You are doing it wrong, never use a single target rotation with 3 enemies or more" is not the equivalent of "OMG YOU XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX !!!!!1111"

The kid might be thirTEEN and the game is rated T for TEEN but most of the times, the online experience is definitely M for Mature with shades of AO (adults only).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SenorPatty

The kid might be thirTEEN and the game is rated T for TEEN but most of the times, the online experience is definitely M for Mature with shades of AO (adults only).

---

Other: Online Interactions Not Rated by the ESRB (PC, PlayStation 3)

...Because it's genuinely hard to tell when people are trolling and when they are being simple-minded, ESRB and other rating systems for games go by the content of the game and never what players can say or do to each other.

NOTE: Not saying the quoted user is being simple.

Sorry this happends.

Where I live, this game is rated 16. Not saying you did wrong or anything (espicially as rating are different everywhere) but anyway, this type of game might be better for her when she grow up a little.
People might still be harsh for a young person and it's only natural that she is sensitive being so young.
Hope she'd like to try again some years later o/

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SerLuke

Or you could just not say rude things to people?

---

you missed my point, mate.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nora_of_Mira

you missed my point, mate.

---

Well, I have autism spectrum disorder so would you mind explaining your point to me?

Tell her to get over it...As harsh as that may sound. The internet is a shitty place where people's true personalities come out because they can hide behind a computer screen. The real world much worse. She'll need to face critiscm and know how to deal with it eventually and develop tough skin when it comes to things people say.

I started playing MMOs when I was about 13-14 with MapleStory back in 2003. That game was a shithole when it came to the community. FFXIV is one of the better ones with the bad apples being few and far between (at least for me). Just blacklist the a-holes and keep it moving.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SerLuke

Well, I have autism spectrum disorder so would you mind explaining your point to me?

---

It would be absurd to ask people their age before talking to them, like imagine going "hey are you under 18?" as an introduction (assuming you're over 18 as most players are). You would just come off as a creep very quickly. My point was to highlight the absurdity of the proposed suggestion "hey guys, we should be a bit nicer because kids could be playing this game". How do we actively know who kids are? we cant, because any identifier would be instantly problematic. that was the joke point i was making.

So we're back to what you said, "why cant you just not be rude?". To answer you honestly, I try really hard not be be rude in-game because I treat it the same way I treat being in public locations IRL. But the thing is with MMOs is that its sort of a blend between a personal game and a public social area, where you kind of treat it like "this is my fun/relaxation time, i can do w/e i want" and a public social area where anyone can come and go as they please there's sort of a "public responsibility" to behave. Its a fine line to walk if you want to treat it like both and NOT come off as rude to someone eventually, you cannot control how people will interpret your words or actions. Im getting off track..it was just a joke.

This thread reminds me of the drawbacks of MMO and what people tolerate, accept and flat don't accept. This game maybe rate T for teen but is completely inappropriate for minors IMHO. Nevermind the bullying and trolling bait that goes on but the nasty stuff people text about is not suitable for children.

That being said is the fundamental flaw of all MMO's, people being people, sure go ahead and tell them not to be rude but don't hold your breath. Giving advice on raising a child or in such circumstance is just sheer audacious arrogance. It is nobodies business, outside the parent, how to raise there child. Here comes the BUT....

OP opened the door because he/she is upset the daughter got her feelings hurt so everyone chime in with tough skin talk, people are a--holes, yada yada yada....what is a reasonable solution?

I agree not being rude is a start, however, this is subjective to what is considered rude. Another player suggested this in a roulette I was in where a player was being bullied to speed run a dung for the ft as tank..

Join an FC and /or linkshell with like minded players. Have at least one other player your comfortable with go in the instances with you. As a parent if your concerned with people being jerks perhaps you should play with them and have some accord in case this happens again.

As far as SE doing anything....Nada.....don't count on much except may be a short ban at most. Which will not stop people from being jerks. Ya just cant have all good without some bad.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ahribear

Threads like this only exist in ffxiv community

---

You must not play very many MMOs. ESO, WoW, Neverwinter are way worse with threads like this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nora_of_Mira

It would be absurd to ask people their age before talking to them, like imagine going "hey are you under 18?" as an introduction (assuming you're over 18 as most players are). You would just come off as a creep very quickly. My point was to highlight the absurdity of the proposed suggestion "hey guys, we should be a bit nicer because kids could be playing this game". How do we actively know who kids are? we cant, because any identifier would be instantly problematic. that was the joke point i was making.

So we're back to what you said, "why cant you just not be rude?". To answer you honestly, I try really hard not be be rude in-game because I treat it the same way I treat being in public locations IRL. But the thing is with MMOs is that its sort of a blend between a personal game and a public social area, where you kind of treat it like "this is my fun/relaxation time, i can do w/e i want" and a public social area where anyone can come and go as they please there's sort of a "public responsibility" to behave. Its a fine line to walk if you want to treat it like both and NOT come off as rude to someone eventually, you cannot control how people will interpret your words or actions. Im getting off track..it was just a joke.

---

Exactly. I try my best to be very polite and well meaning in everything I say, but sometimes I just lose my cool and I get angry. Not ToS breaching angry, but I'll just ragequit a duty usually. I'm trying to hold back against an ex actually that I met through this game, she's done some not very nice things to me since we broke up (to the point that she was told off by the officers of her FC for how she'd acted, and a mutual friend of ours is still angry at her like 3 weeks on). I want to rip her a new one, but trying to stay civil instead.

As for the OP... I suggest supervision.I would go as far as to suggest that ANYONE under 25 (yes, twenty five) is supervised by a parent (if possible, else a trusted friend). Even at 28, there are times I find myself clamouring for a friend to run duties with to have my back.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jimmymagic

This thread reminds me of the drawbacks of MMO and what people tolerate, accept and flat don't accept. This game maybe rate T for teen but is completely inappropriate for minors IMHO.

---

By that logic parents should just lock their kids out of the internet as a whole. The game's base rating is certainly rated T, but they do not rate online interactions. Never have. If someone was extremely rude to another that's where the GMs may step in, depending on the severity.