We aren't talking about PF here tho, we are talking about DF. The devs also stated that you should follow the rules set by a PF group or listing.
Unless you specifically ask for a piece or set of gear, its up for grabs, and even then, if you didn't queue on that role or job, why should someone who is actively playing give it up just because? I think your train of thought is the more dysfunctional one, since you are comparing apples to watermelons lol.
