I didn't mean that post as a counterargument, was just letting you know where I'm coming from. I've already concluded to be at fault with my expectations.
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As a healer who DPS's and pushes hard in dungeons, I still think that running ahead and actually pulling a trash pack is pretty idiotic. It's risking tension and drama within the group, you're likely going to get a cast or two interrupted if the tank is napping and as such, it's a net loss for everyone.
I usually get the best results being nice and civil about things if the tank is single pulling. 'Hey, I'm good for bigger pulls if you're up for it? The damage seems pretty decent'.
Where I push the line is doing things such as dotting mid pull and trying to pre cast on bosses. With most tanks it's no problem and I can time the cast reliably as long as they move with some degree of consistency.
"A Closed Mouth Doesn't Get Fed"
Simply asking the tank to pull more will mostly solve all your problems in most cases, unless they're uncomfortable with large pulls in which you can either respect their play style, or leave.
I for one while tanking will ask you first time to stop, and if you want more, say something, after that i will let you tank what you pull.
I think you missed the 'let you tank it part'. Just like healers can very easily switch to single target healing to teach someone a lesson or walk out of AOE range, the tank can start single targeting the mobs instead. 'It's less efficient!' I hear people say. Yeah, so is not talking with your group and just assuming your opinion on the situation is king. If you can't be bothered to spent two seconds communicating with your teammates and actively look down on them, then don't expect them to treat you as one.
I did ask every time before pulling more, except for once or twice IIRC (even then I showed with positioning that I want bigger pulls). I agree though that you should ask first. Again, it wouldn't matter if I'd tank the mobs because damage is so negligible in the situation I'm talking about. I'll for sure adjust my expectation from now on and won't be prepulling, or at least won't be as surprised with negative reaction when I do prepull.
I don't pull big in leveling dungeons often because I've been burned too many times by healers who insist they can handle it and can't. If you ask, I'll give it a shot, but if it doesn't work out, I'm not big on second chances. Small pulls waste less time than pulling big, wiping, running back, and having to pull small anyway.
In expert roulette, yeah, I'm going wall to wall unless asked otherwise. If you can meet the minimum item level for it, you should be able to handle it.