My confession tonight is me. I really enjoy healing in mmos, and I still find this enjoyment despite some of the drawbacks of the role. The rewards far outweigh them, but the heaviest of those burdens that makes the rewards harder to work for is taking too much to heart. I am so quick to point the finger at myself when runs go bad. I see multiple health bars at zero while I am still standing, and can't help but feel I could have done more to prevent it. Sometimes I can save the whole thing. Sometimes I can't. Either way, sleep doesn't come easy later that night. And the next day I go back to crafting/gathering/gardening/questing until I feel up for healing again.

Sometimes I think I queue in DF by myself for the most hated instances looking for this like some kind of masochist. I honestly think that while I don't intentionally make things go wrong, I secretly hope they do, so I choose the instances where this is most likely to happen. One of the things I am looking forward to with finally getting into 3.x content, is experiencing the instances everyone hates. I hate that I want to join the raid group of the person who calls me out.

The commendations for preventing wipes is equally gratifying, but always short-lived. I don't want, to want for things to go bad to get an enjoyable experience. How effed up is that?