Ridiculous 2.0 Expectations: Gamescom update

Hot off the presses! Or whatever other ancient technology is still used to distribute news. If you haven't seen the original thread, it's right here: http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxiv/t...2.0-expections
Bear in mind that everything posted in that thread turned out to be 100% true.

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Originally Posted by Alerith

Scientific facts and experiments support all these claims.

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See? So here's the new stuff.

• 2.0 will be available in every language currently spoken on Earth, and also Esperanto, Klingon, and Elvish. A-list celebrity actors will provide voice-overs in every language. Languages from other planets will be added in future updates, provided those planets can supply actors that meet SE's high standard for acting quality.
• "Meteor Survivor" t-shirts will be mailed to all Legacy members, free of charge. Also, due to the overwhelmingly positive response to the RSE concept art, a crisp new set of your character's RSE will be sent along with your t-shirt. If you cannot fit into your RSE clothes due to your human body not matching your character's proportions, adjustments will be made. To your body, not the clothes.
• The grass shown in the Gamescom demo was only there as a placeholder. In 2.0, each individual blade of grass will have a fully 3D model comprised of 534 polygons and 198 points of articulation. Also, because you can upload your brain to the server, each blade of grass can also be touched, smelled, and tasted. Oddly enough, each individual piece of grass will have a unique taste. An achievement for tasting every single blade of grass in the game will be added in a future update.
• On a related note, all of the graphics shown at Gamescom were on the lowest possible settings. When set to the highest settings, the graphics in 2.0 are so amazing they cannot be captured on camera. Thanks to the amazing technology used to craft 2.0's graphics, and support for multiple platforms, it will be playable on ANY computer, PS3 and PS2, iPad and iPhones, PSP Vita and PSP, XBox360 and the original XBox, 3DS, DS, and Gameboy Advance. The demo at Gamescom was the GBA version. There will be no limitations, either. They learned their lesson with FFXI.
• A Deathclaw was revealed in the concept art; a reccurring monster in the FF series. That was a very subtle hint at the ludicrous amount of FF nostalgia that will be added in 2.0. As already suggested by Yoshi-P, FFXIV incarnations of other FF worlds will make their way into the game. All of them. Atomos will teleport you to alternate versions of any FF world, each housing a full-scale recreation, including every main character, monster, and NPC exactly where they appear in the original game. A mission line will accompany every world, allowing you to relive every moment from every game, in FFXIV form. Keep in mind that, as originally reported by BboiiShadow and confirmed to be true, there will be optional 8bit graphics for some of these worlds, and 16bit as well.
• Regarding latency concerns, there will be no latency in 2.0. You will see everything 3 seconds before it actually happened, regardless of region.
• Edit: Oops! Almost forgot this. The advertising campaign for 2.0 will be unprecedented. Just before 2.0's launch, every night at 7:00pm in every region, HD trailers will be broadcast with a long-range projector onto the face of the moon.

Feel free to add to the list, I'm sure with all the interviews and articles coming out, there has to be a lot of news I missed.

Rokien will stop posting on the FFXIV official forums.

Ok, I'll take a crack at this.

In addition to your brain being uploaded to the server, limit break requires a link, or bond if you will, with all party members to be able to initiate a flawless execution.

A incredibly high powered fan will be mailed in addition to the Meteor Survivor T-shirt that blows a blast of air in your face everytime you jump with your chocobos and the wings flap.

FFXIV will sync together with the power grid of your house causing the lights to dim and brighten as the day progresses into night and visa versa in the game.

The OP got a few chuckles out of me, good thread.

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Originally Posted by AngelicBeing

[*]On a related note, all of the graphics shown at Gamescom were on the lowest possible settings. When set to the highest settings, the graphics in 2.0 are so amazing they cannot be captured on camera. Thanks to the amazing technology used to craft 2.0's graphics, and support for multiple platforms, it will be playable on ANY computer, PS3 and PS2, iPad and iPhones, PSP Vita and PSP, XBox360 and the original XBox, 3DS, DS, and Gameboy Advance. The demo at Gamescom was the GBA version. There will be no limitations, either. They learned their lesson with FFXI.

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I played the beta on this computer, and the 3-D graphics were so lifelike and amazing that my girlfriend dumped me and started dating an Elezen.

Stupid Elezen.

The final fight of the 2.0 will be knights of the round summon from final fantasy 7. His 2 hour is a 2 minute long cutscene, an exact copy of the final fantasy 7 summon with HD graphics.

FFXIV: ARR will be officially recognized globally as a mandatory public hobby... henceforth you will only work 3 days a week, with the other 2 days spent in-game assisting your work colleagues (ahem) I mean, "alternative" linkshell members.

All office desktops and laptops connected to the network will be automatically logged into Eorzea on Thursdays and Fridays. Performing office related tasks during these periods rather than playing will be extremely harmful to your career... your boss will likely be that new player that needed your help on Van Baelsar (easy mode)

Once the Miner "ladies of the evening" are saved they will be projected from your monitor into 3d 1.1 human Scale images comprised of enviormental matter thus becoming physical incarnations. Please have your Gil ready to deposit. The excitement will be virtually unbeliveable.

That was my semi...perverted addition. Also another good chuckle thread op ^^

Grass will also be more 3D than actual reality. It will supersede all known dimensions of reality and breech 7th and 8th dimensions. Just looking at 2.0's grass will cause your brain to malfunction after its pitiful attempt to process the information.

An additional function of the brain upload will allow you to play FFXIV in your dreams and in your daydreams. So even when you sleep or sit around (even in game), you can be elsewhere in game, still leveling or doing quests.

There will also be arcades, theaters, and libraries within Eorzea where you can go and take in other real world media without having to leave Eorzea for the real world.

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Originally Posted by Punainen

There will also be arcades, theaters, and libraries within Eorzea where you can go and take in other real world media without having to leave Eorzea for the real world.

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My sources tell me that this feature will allow you to access a Sims-like minigame providing you access to a photorealistic game incarnation of your real-life self that you can feed, send to the bathroom, and instruct to play FFXIV on the virtual PC in its virtual house. Future updates may allow you to bathe your simulated self or send it outside into the sunlight for short periods of time, but devs aren't 100% sure those features will be possible to implement.

It will also have a storyline so deep, that quoting even one sentence of its dialogue to all real life world leaders would end all wars forever and the world will become one big united country of complete agreement. It may also cause those who are more particularly touched by the story to me immediately raptured into heaven.

Also, there are FFXIV servers in heaven as well, so you don't have to stop playing when and if this happens.

1. Check Version Updates will no longer be required as the game will never need updates. (All game updates will be finished with the release of ARR, and when new content is desired, it will automatically be present the next time a person logs in)

2. Anyone who spots RMT activity will be rewarded with all the Gil the RMT have farmed. In addition, the people who are behind the RMT activities will be required to do all farming for that individual player.

3. There will be a Real Life PvP event for those players who wish to participate. (Players will be given replica gear from their in-game characters to utilize during the RL PvP events.)

The grass will be so real that botanists will have to cut it at least twice weekly in game to prevent it from encroaching into your entire field of view and, eventually, off the screen and into your home.

In addition to the Meteor Survivor T-shirt and other amazing memorabilia, a live moogle, snurble, or chocobo will be delivered to your house. This pet will be immortal, meaning it doesn't need to eat and thus never need to soil your carpet. If you decide you want to see it eat for cuteness factor, it will eat anything you give it and metabolize it instantly. If you decide you are not satisfied with just one of these pets, you are entitled to more.

SE has been breeding these special creatures since Final Fantasy III, having forseen this occasion.

Having perfected re-animation technology back in 2007, Square-Enix revived J.R.R. Tolkien and he's been hard at work on the main scenario quests for the past 5 years.

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Originally Posted by AngelicBeing

[*]A Deathclaw was revealed in the concept art; a reccurring monster in the FF series. That was a very subtle hint at the ludicrous amount of FF nostalgia that will be added in 2.0. As already suggested by Yoshi-P, FFXIV incarnations of other FF worlds will make their way into the game. All of them. Atomos will teleport you to alternate versions of any FF world, each housing a full-scale recreation, including every main character, monster, and NPC exactly where they appear in the original game. A mission line will accompany every world, allowing you to relive every moment from every game, in FFXIV form. Keep in mind that, as originally reported by BboiiShadow and confirmed to be true, there will be optional 8bit graphics for some of these worlds, and 16bit as well.

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As the Deathclaw is also common to the Fallout series, three of the worlds you can visit will be recreations of Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, and the Fallout MMO (confirmed to be a development build more advanced than closed beta testers will receive access to, combined with earlier access when the game is officially released).

Hilibrand will be made a playable character. The player will play Hildibrand and your character will become a NPC. Your character becoming a NPC is a permanent change and the next time you log out, you will be forced to uninstall FFXIV and install Inspector Hildebrand: Mystery of the Dandy Caper.

This game will be rated M for mature and banned in 15 countries including the US. Gameplay will be a whole 30 minutes long.

That was the best FFXIV troll ever. (Because it included grass jokes).

The grass will also be an enemy and is so powerful even the Garlean Army is afraid of the grass.

Hildibrand will get his own full-length motion picture, posters games, action figures, and Corporate Sponsorships from all the major soft drinks and fast food restaurants. Children will dress up as the intrepid detective for Halloween.

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Originally Posted by HiirNoivl

Hildibrand will get his own full-length motion picture, posters games, action figures, and Corporate Sponsorships from all the major soft drinks and fast food restaurants. Children will dress up as the intrepid detective for Halloween.

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Oh gods, yes! Greatest bit of news so far. I'm going out to get a secure glass case to house all the Hildibrand collectible merchandise I'll be buying in the near future.