Having issues making friends in-game. Am I missing something?

I've been playing MMOs for years, but it has been a long time since I've been new to an MMO, so I've been trying to find a group of other players I can talk to and play alongside.

People I meet in the Duty Finder are usually amiable, but they don't talk much and focus on getting through the dungeon as quickly as possible - little room for small talk.

I've joined an FC, which I chat with, but I can't play with them because they're running high-level content I'm not allowed to access yet.

Even though my server is high population and the cities are crowded, I never run into anybody out in the world doing the same quests I am; the world feels empty.

I've looked around on other sites and joined a couple of Discords for newer players, but the people there are usually on different servers than I am.

Is there a better way to meet people who are new to the game and I can play with? Or will I have to stick it out until I'm max level to meet people?

Thanks in advance!

I've made the most friends from being an active part of my server's hunt community and just having casual chatter/answering questions in Novice Network, personally.

I'll have to look up what a hunt is. And I remember seeing popups about the novice network early in the game, but I'm not actually sure how to join it?

You need to ask a mentor for an invite to the Novice Network specifically. They're searchable in Player Search using those different crown icons.

As far as hunts go, they're generally considered "endgame" content for their respective expansions, but people will still appreciate call-outs for their locations if you see them and have a channel to relay them to; particularly the S ranks (Which are huge and noted with a system message saying "You sense the presence of a powerful mark..."). The bulk of playerbase likes to treat them as a community activity, though some people would rather just fight the weaker ones solo.

Thanks for the information KageTokage, I'll look into joining that.

Don't worry, Mr. Reynholm. I know the feeling. The people I meet are awesome in the duties, some of the banter and chitchat was really borderline reportable, but since we all had fun, nothing happened of course. The hilarious nonsense I read during Castrum Runs gave me good times. And then I am loading back to Gridania and it's all gone.

This has nothing to do with you or me, it is just the nature of the game and the current gaming philosphy. People "nowadays" do not enjoy games anymore, they treat it is job. And because of that, they watch TV, talk on the phone, heck, they do not even bother connecting a keyboard to their PlayStations. Then there is the Duty Finder (bless it!) which makes it unnecessary to form local parties as it does the stuff for you and presents a "ready-to-rumble" group on a silver platter. And later there are "Trusts" (almost added a "h"...) which are NPCs to run dungeons with.

As you can see, both the game and the players have a very serious anti-social tendency. I do not like that at all, but with Duty Finder and NPC around, you won't find many people that focus on the game and the players but rather to their Netflix show inbetween waiting times. This does not change a lot on maximum level.

Making friends is difficult because of that. We simply do not need "those randoms you meet" when you get to play with randoms via Duty Finder at all; why engage in the first place? To be honest, it really hurts me in the stomach a lot. After my previous FC decided to cease to exist, I am looking out for talkative people. It has been 2 months and 29 days since that happened, but I do have problems to make friends with local people. It works in Duty Finder because there we have to engage with each other, and voila, there is the fun and good times!

But else, I am kind of maverick, which really hurts my Lalafellin heart in "those moments" when you see people doing stuff together and I pull a ticket like at the local work agency for a job like a peon in order to get into a dungeon with others....

EDIT: I used a German/English dictionary for "Tagelöhner" and got "Peon" as a result. Now I saw it has a very negative undertone with slavery. I did not intend that. A "Tagelöhner" (Tag = Day, Lohn = Wage) is a person that has very sporadic jobs, often just for that day ("den Tag") or a few hours. You go into a special office, a small waiting hall, and then you wait for a job which happens by the clerk handing out jobs that come in via phone, such as "We need a person for carrying boxes for 5 hours" or "We need help at cleaning up a festival site for the whole day".

So instead of playing with "my homies" and doing tasks with them like a worker with colleagues he knows, I am just a "Tagelöhner" that does that one particular job after pulling a number (Duty Finder waiting list) in the job agency (Duty Finder). And that is a terrible feeling and can get even grown men sad......

Sincerely,
https://imgur.com/9mjol58.png

I really appreciate the thoughtful response!

I'm glad I'm not alone in this! And if a fella' like you is having trouble, I'm not thrilled with my chances!

In my previous MMO experience, I've been on the "in" crowd most of the time, since I've been around for so long. Now I see people in this game who are in their own established circles, and now that I'm on the outside, I have no idea how to break in!

Hope we both find a group eventually!

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Originally Posted by Arcadious

I really appreciate the thoughtful response!

I'm glad I'm not alone in this! And if a fella' like you is having trouble, I'm not thrilled with my chances!

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Hello there again!

I am sure your changes are higher though because I am not as open as I used to be. But after so many rubbish FCs and that permanent "resetting" of my status (read as: always being the "new guy" over and over) each time I tried and try to find my place made me a bit grumpy and I have developed a sixth sense when I feel the FC is not worth it. Checking via Lodestone to see what the members looks like, if their recruitment has decent rules in it (avoid those "We do everything and are awesme UwU" FCs), if the recruitment chat does not feel like I am dealing with a child or the top members running around in leopard thongs or underewear. This narrows the list of potential FCs by 80% already...

The symbolic circles you talk about I used in 2014 as well with my FC back then, which is funny that you see it exactly as much as I do. I had a great FC, they even still exist, but certain decisions and the fact the leader left made me leave it. The funny thing is that I want to finally settle, and I thought I found my place. Shared photos in Discord, was active, helped people (who silently left without a word....) - I promised I am loyal to the end. It took it exactly 2 weeks until the dealbreaker happened... Since then, I have had a great recruitment chats for 15 minutes, but after a while I was unsure again how I would fit in and decided against it. Now I am trapped in an awkward spiral.

Because I think fitting in is equally, if not more difficult. You will have established groups that run dungeons together, or your role is not needed. They will know each other, they have inside jokes you don't get and voice chat (if you want that) means a heavy Scottish accent you barely can understand, so you are left out of that again. You might find a FC that has the focus on gathering, crafting or the infamous "silent fishers" - people that AFK 98% of their time and are basically dead weight. I have had people joining and leaving without any reasons why (which is rude and anti-social), I have had drama by mentally unstable people (which is incredibly difficult to deal with), I have had FCs with a solid inner circle and I was "just there". This permanent restarting is what I can't do anymore. I came online, people greeted me with my nick ("Zed") and they knew if they want a DPS/Red Mage, they would call me. I always had the great feel of a FC, the chat was good and very warm. But then they decided to turn into something that they were not supposed to be..

As said, the FCs are out there. Plenty of them. And the entire community is on one hand great, on the other hand, what to expect by people not even connecting their keyboards? They outright refuse to talk or communicate in an multiplayer online game, and people like you and me are getting confused.

I have a little bit of an advantage though, and this is a true story: Being a Lalafell. Over the past years, I established many nice relationships by simply walking up to people in the Gridania inn or the Aetheryte and pointing at people sitting at the tables or benches. Within a few seconds you get either no reaction or a head pat. Or a /wave. That is the first step to test and break the ice if said person is ready to socialize. I found my great FC during a Castrum Run after I've been in banter with a Mi'Cat lady mocking my size. But everything after is discovering a pitch-black cave with a burning match in your hand...

I've made most of my friends by making a linkshell to help new people. It's wonderful how many friends I've made simply by helping them out. If all else fails move to Leviathan and I'll add you to my linkshell and you can make friends there!

Hunts are a good way, but you won't notice much of an attention towards level 50 and 60 zones since people can solo them easily now. At 70 you'd probably start to get more crowd involved.

Ironically, Frontline PVP is the low level content that you'll get a decent crowd of people that you might see more than once and might make friends there (I made some who shared my devotion to the fat chocobo!!). And now with the event, the queue times are not bad at all. And on the plus side, you get tomes to exchange for rewards and the Garo stuff.

Oh hey there again. I feel like I've quoted you before.

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Originally Posted by MrKusakabe

This has nothing to do with you or me, it is just the nature of the game and the current gaming philosphy. People "nowadays" do not enjoy games anymore, they treat it is job. And because of that, they watch TV, talk on the phone, heck, they do not even bother connecting a keyboard to their PlayStations. Then there is the Duty Finder (bless it!) which makes it unnecessary to form local parties as it does the stuff for you and presents a "ready-to-rumble" group on a silver platter. And later there are "Trusts" (almost added a "h"...) which are NPCs to run dungeons with.

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Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this is a very negative outlook on people. While there's a minority that do this (as far as I know, this is not common and those that do that are few and far between or are doing it just to do two things at once). As for the duty finder, this is a thing that many people have discussed in the past and said that this is a far better way to do it than it used to be done. And if you don't want that, PF is still there to offer itself. Would it be more efficient if you are looking for efficiency? absolutely not. Which is why it's perfect for finding like-minded people! (also, I notice you aren't a native english speaker, it's more proper to say "you or I" than you or me ^^)

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Originally Posted by MrKusakabe

As you can see, both the game and the players have a very serious anti-social tendency. I do not like that at all, but with Duty Finder and NPC around, you won't find many people that focus on the game and the players but rather to their Netflix show inbetween waiting times. This does not change a lot on maximum level.

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This is puts a lot of blame on the wrong places. If what you were saying is true, then it's not the players and the game to blame it's the games outside of this one. Where 90% of the games have become "live services" and more of a grind and providing less difficulty. It's a very nuanced situation you have drawn upon to say this as a reason. There's more to it than just "people don't play games" or "game is designed bad". Instead of placing a lot of blame on both, the point is missed and blame should be placed in many places instead.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MrKusakabe

We simply do not need "those randoms you meet" when you get to play with randoms via Duty Finder at all; why engage in the first place? To be honest, it really hurts me in the stomach a lot... It works in Duty Finder because there we have to engage with each other, and voila, there is the fun and good times!

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I'm confused... are you saying we should blame Duty Finder for creating this enviroment or not? Or do you possibly mean Party Finder? That being said, I get this problem. It's why I like to try to engage in conversation whenever I get the chance to help people, to make their days a little better, or even to make the atmosphere of the game a little less quiet.

Now, to address the OP. Don't worry too much if you don't make "friends". If you need someone to talk to maybe a less high-level FC would be better for you. What I've found is that just generally being kind, finding the right FC, and other stuff and finding one that fits what you like is pretty hard at times. Making "friends" can be even harder. So what I like to do is instead of trying to just make friends is just trying to be me. When I'm me and just go into places and I act kind I'll find people I like and generally just have laughs. I met one of my best friends just going into Labrynth of the Ancients and having a good time! Sometimes, you just find people and going out of your way to search is a lot harder than just relaxing. Maybe that's just me though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MrKusakabe

EDIT: I used a German/English dictionary for "Tagelöhner" and got "Peon" as a result. Now I saw it has a very negative undertone with slavery. I did not intend that. A "Tagelöhner" (Tag = Day, Lohn = Wage) is a person that has very sporadic jobs, often just for that day ("den Tag") or a few hours. You go into a special office, a small waiting hall, and then you wait for a job which happens by the clerk handing out jobs that come in via phone, such as "We need a person for carrying boxes for 5 hours" or "We need help at cleaning up a festival site for the whole day".

So instead of playing with "my homies" and doing tasks with them like a worker with colleagues he knows, I am just a "Tagelöhner" that does that one particular job after pulling a number (Duty Finder waiting list) in the job agency (Duty Finder). And that is a terrible feeling and can get even grown men sad......

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Just FYI: The corresponding English term is "Day laborer".

My problem is sort of the reverse. I can be talkative, participate in social events and eventually make friends. The problem is that I don't know how to keep those connections. I just...slink out of everyone's radar, basically melding in the background completely unseen and unnoticed and I hate myself for doing so. I know why I'm like this cuz for a very long time when I was a kid, I used to move a lot so I never made long lasting relationships but you'd think by now, I would've gotten better.

At this point, I feel like Casper the friendly ghost: Here today to bring you a smile, gone tomorrow without even saying goodbye.

i've made a lot of my friends through raiding, good to just be in voice chat and when going for a static(if into that) can help break the ice a bit since it is common ground etc.

I have never made real friends in mmos. I meet people and add them to my friends' list then never seem to speak to them much, I just wave and emote smile if I happen to run across them.

When I am playing, my keyboard sits on my knees because I use my tv as my monitor and it's very comfy. I made myself a lot of emotes to say hello and good-bye and to convey basic emotes and messages since it's very hard to type this way. To type out a conversation, I need to place the keyboard on the coffee table and sit on the edge of the couch.

It's weird but I like to play with other people but I only talk sometimes in NN.

I used to have friends, but maintaining them was too much work, so I just stopped looking for them many years ago..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arcadious

I've been playing MMOs for years, but it has been a long time since I've been new to an MMO, so I've been trying to find a group of other players I can talk to and play alongside.

People I meet in the Duty Finder are usually amiable, but they don't talk much and focus on getting through the dungeon as quickly as possible - little room for small talk.

I've joined an FC, which I chat with, but I can't play with them because they're running high-level content I'm not allowed to access yet.

Even though my server is high population and the cities are crowded, I never run into anybody out in the world doing the same quests I am; the world feels empty.

I've looked around on other sites and joined a couple of Discords for newer players, but the people there are usually on different servers than I am.

Is there a better way to meet people who are new to the game and I can play with? Or will I have to stick it out until I'm max level to meet people?

Thanks in advance!

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I am on Aether and would happily be your friend and run content. I am on Faerie but can easily hop onto Gilgamesh :) Let's make a time to meet up and add to friends lists.

I have the same problem. I've been playing for ~ 11 months, have a lot of people on my friends list BUT I've never felt this alone in a MMO. Don't get me wrong, I've met wonderful and really friendly persons, but most of time, they are new, and are so far behind that we couldn't really play together, well do current content together. I've run countless low level dungeons/trials to help them, killed way to many ARR ex primals for their ponies, just to remain alone at 70, then 80, spamming roulettes and PF.
ANd now that some are 80, they play with their RL friends OR just quit.

I'm glad to be a mentor just for the NN access though. It helps alleviating the solitude. I wish I'd be better at making friends, but I have great hopes for the incoming fellowships system. Being able to find players looking for the same things as me could be a game changer for me.

I wish you the best, hopefully you'll find a great group of friends to play with.

My problem is that I'm looking for a real friendship and not a shallow one..

DF is part of the problem, but not the main problem. People just wanna go in and get out as soon as possible and talking can prolong that. SE has certainly taken notice of the "DF problem" and has been implementing ways to make it more socially friendly. Contacts was added some time ago where we can see who we partied with and maybe can form something through that. Then there is World Visit. SE can only do so much, it is we who have to take steps forward.

For everyone looking to make friends, maybe try this thread since there were some posts made this month: http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxiv/threads/312294

or wait until fellowships go live and try doing stuff that way. You can still make/join a cross-world linkshell and just use the visit world feature (some newer people might not know this option exists) to meet up and do stuff together.

Try is the right word there.

We all want friends, but we all still need that all important connection. I found that approaching people is simple, but connecting with them is hard.

I've found most people here are very friendly and outgoing compared to other mmo's. Don't be a jerk, play your job/role to some level of competence in group content, and don't be afraid to talk to people. You'll start making friends soon.