Hangout spot for Eorzeans with anxiety/depression

Out of curiosity, is there a hangout spot, like on discord, for fellow Eorzeans that are dealing with anxiety and depression? I'm just curious. For a friend.

Honestly, I feel like there are quite a few folks who may not really understand just how hard it is to deal with anxiety and depression. There are some who are affected by it in every day life. There are those who get by day-to-day, wearing a fake smile and not letting anyone even have a clue that they have these issues, only to completely lose that mask entirely in an online setting, whether it be in-game, a discussion board, or elsewhere on the internet. There are even those out there who might be afraid to open up for fear of being ridiculed, even if there is nobody who could ridicule them.

If there is a discord place like this, point it out. If not...should there be?

would be nice if there was a discord server like that , i think you will find a few servers for depression and anxiety on discord , but not dedicated for ffxiv players though ..

If there isn't, or if no one's made one yet, why not be the first? Having more places and hangout spots for people in the community is a great idea, especially for like minded needs,

Given the size of the community, I figured folks like me could use a support discord like that. I'm not well versed in discord... Or really the internet in general. Otherwise I could start setting one up. Though figured asking couldn't really hurt.

I do not know of one, just wanted to say you are not alone. I was medically retired from the Army and have been dealing with those same demons. I find a lot of joy in the game itself thanks to its incredible immersion into the world and the amount of mission and taskings that keep me focused. I would be honored to join a group if you made one.

As someone who also suffers from depression/anxiety I could create one if anyone wanted to join it.

I might make one as I deal with PTSD and major depression myself and it'll be nice to have a place to chill out. Tho my issue is while I have no problem learning to make one.. I'm horrible about sharing and or opening up about that stuff other then mentioning I have them. It's kindof hard to get in my head and actually explain how I'm feeling. I kindof suck in support groups. I tend to make a joke out of everything. :c it's how I deal.

I would definitely join myself. I've been having more anxiety attacks lately to the point that my first instinct to burn every bridge as possible. And it's been getting difficult to keep that problem in check. I am fearful of opening up because I've been judged in the past - I've leave little things here and there when I can't help it, but for the most part, I have not opened up because I feel like I'm going to either be ridiculed, or be told to grow up, or even worse, just being met with pure apathy. Case in point, I've all but burned some recent bridges because I'm terrified of being judged...then I posted here and that seemed to help a little bit.

I think a discord for ffxiv players would help a lot in that respect. Just a place for individuals to talk and support one another without feeling pressure from outside sources, regardless of whether or not that pressure that internal or external.

I can't say I understand how an FFXIV specific one will assist compared to ones dedicated to the subject but if it'll help people out, there's definitely enough skilled discord users here who can help set something up. Some have already volunteered. If you'd like, I'm happy to help as well. Just let me know.

You're not alone. If you need help, if you need to talk, let us know.

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Originally Posted by Chromata

I can't say I understand how an FFXIV specific one will assist compared to ones dedicated to the subject but if it'll help people out, there's definitely enough skilled discord users here who can help set something up. Some have already volunteered. If you'd like, I'm happy to help as well. Just let me know.

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I used to moderate at a couple of peer support sites for those with mental illness and chat could get downright depressing (pun not intended) when all we had in common to talk about was mental illness.

Having something else in common, such as FFXIV, can help keep chat more positive and that's a very important thing.

If someone's willing to make one I'll happily join.

I'd consider joining, but my anxiety wouldn't allow it.

I could definitely say up a discord if there was enough support for it. I would just need help actually establishing it because, again, my knowledge of discord is very limited to jumping on and chatting.

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Originally Posted by KaivaC

I could definitely say up a discord if there was enough support for it. I would just need help actually establishing it because, again, my knowledge of discord is very limited to jumping on and chatting.

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Ping me, I can help. :)

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Originally Posted by KaivaC

I could definitely say up a discord if there was enough support for it. I would just need help actually establishing it because, again, my knowledge of discord is very limited to jumping on and chatting.

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If you would like a co-admin for something like this, message me! I think this would be very beneficial for a lot of people.

I don't think you want this, Kaiva. Those kind of places become massive drama fests. Heck, Discord in general seems to become this over time, no matter what the subject.

I would join a server like this, as I've been dealing with poor mental health for a few years, and would love to be in a server in a game as large as this, with people who enjoy playing FFXIV and suffer from mental health problems. It could be a great support system and it'd feel nice to relate to some people.

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Originally Posted by Tridus

Ping me, I can help. :)

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I can do that. I'll link up with you after my working week is over.

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Originally Posted by HyoMinPark

If you would like a co-admin for something like this, message me! I think this would be very beneficial for a lot of people.

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Same as above, I'll link up with you as well.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

I don't think you want this, Kaiva. Those kind of places become massive drama fests. Heck, Discord in general seems to become this over time, no matter what the subject.

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That is true of everything. Even this discussion board...the most innocent of threads can easily turn into drama fests. We both have been through our fair share of those ourselves. The thing is, I started noticing more players who have similar things with depression, anxiety, and the like after I posted my own issues. With a MMO as large as FFXIV, I'm somewhat surprised we don't have a support group for individuals dealing with this type of thing. Drama-fests only occur if folks buy into the drama in the first place. I've used discord for over a year now...I've seen more drama on the forums than I've seen through discord, and I am a member of several discord channels of varying tastes. The potential is there, yes, but it's only there if it is allowed to fester.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

I don't think you want this, Kaiva. Those kind of places become massive drama fests. Heck, Discord in general seems to become this over time, no matter what the subject.

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Only if they lack proper moderation. Give a server proper moderation, and this sort of thing isn’t allowed the chance to fester.

Right, I've bit the bullet to get it all started, and I've got one set up. HyoMinPark, Kaiva, and Tridus, let me know who you are on Discord, I'll get you all set up as admins. As someone with it myself (and unable to work because of it, as far as my doctors are concerned). Kaiva, I will pass ownership of the server to you once I have it all set up. I'm good at working with bots, so I can tinker with the back end of the stuff. For you 3 though, please drop me a line on Discord, I'm Paladinleeds#6820 (yes, it is case sensitive), and I'll shoot all 3 of you an invite. We'll get this ball rolling today.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, regarding passing leadership on, it will depend on whether the admins would prefer to have Botwinder or some other bot for moderation. If you want Botwinder, you'll either have to pay for it, or keep me as the owner (my Discord account has been granted permission to use the bot already). If you decide to use some other bot, it will be passed on to Kaiva without issue.
EDIT2: This is for Kaiva. Before passing on the ownership of the server to you, I will also make sure you are clued in on how Discord works, make sure you know how to work the server, do moderation, etc. That way you can blaze your own trail with it. I believe in you.

It's not that easy. You need a mod who is kind enough to do some serious emotional heavy lifting managing the group, and yet is stern enough to kick people and not get involved or fall for them. That's rarer than you think, especially the latter. Depressed people are not fun to be around, and they can suck a lot of emotional energy out of people who have good intentions but poor boundaries. I get the sense this is something you all need to learn firsthand though; me, even though I have my own issues, I'm really vigorous about not relying on others for support or being support. I tend to attract people who dump all their troubles on me in game, and they will happily use you just for that.

I think many people try to help others like this, but get burnt out when they realize that mental illness isn't really something you can solve by being nice and a friend, and many times the only answer is for the ill person to suck it up, get off the game and get rl therapy or instruction on coping issues. Like people give advice based on what healthy people do when faced with a problem but it doesn't work for a mentally ill person as often; you see this a lot whenever you see "anxiety about tanking" threads. So you get people with good intentions, but when the person they try to help simply doesn't get better and may even get worse, they get burnt out pretty badly.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

It's not that easy. You need a mod who is kind enough to do some serious emotional heavy lifting managing the group, and yet is stern enough to kick people and not get involved or fall for them. That's rarer than you think, especially the latter.

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It's worth giving it a shot though. And trust me, we want to give this a shot. If it fails, at least we can say we tried. I am building up the server as we speak. I'm also getting the mods on board to ensure that rules are set out by the staff, who I trust are knowledgeable. We'll also be setting up a specific infractions system. It's tough, but we deserve a place for support. I refuse to rule this server out. I want to see it work. It also helps that I am an INTJ type person, with the J being the most important (Justice vs Personalisation). It helps me dish out the justice a lot easier without playing favouritism.

Simply put, give me a clear guide of what is and isn't allowed. Give me a clear infractions system to follow, and I will follow it to the letter. I don't do favouritism. Yes, sometimes people need outside help from professionals, and it's OK to explain that to people at times. I am convinced that with the right team we can make this work. And having seen a lot of HyoMin, Kaiva, etc, I can trust them to make it work.

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Originally Posted by ko_

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

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Covered by HyoMinPark. Quote provided below.

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Originally Posted by HyoMinPark

Only if they lack proper moderation. Give a server proper moderation, and this sort of thing isn’t allowed the chance to fester.

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The community at large will be the ones providing the support for the group. It will kinda of be a large circle. What the moderators do over normal members (and yes, they do work, I'm part of one such group on Facebook, while not at the mod level, I am friends with the group owner), is simply chuck out the bad eggs that may occur. It absolutely can work, so long as we get the right moderation team. Now I can trust HyoMin, Kaiva, and Tridus to do a good job, and I can get the back end up and running. That's where I excel. It's why I've already started on it, since I can make sure all permissions are laid out, etc. I manage multiple Discords, including my static Discord, my own stream Discord, and a group for Pokémon Go. Plus I've moderated for several other Discords. Let's just say I learned a thing or 2 about the back-end!

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Originally Posted by Metalwrath

While i do understand that people with these issues(i sometimes get them myself) can be good to talk with others who understand what they are going through i would question the effectivness of it.
If you have a lot of people at the same time going through issues they may end up not intentionally dragging each other down with each others problems and nobody with a clear head to help guide people through these issues.

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Easy enough to fix. Lay out ground rules about what can and can't be discussed. For example in that Facebook group, threats of self-harm are not allowed in order to prevent mass triggering people. Certain topics must be covered by a trigger warning explaining what triggers to be aware of (we can create a separate room for that too).

Hm, idk it all sounds a bit overwhelming for my level of comfort. But if you're all resolved to give it a try I hope it helps you all and goes well.

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

While i do understand that people with these issues(i sometimes get them myself) can be good to talk with others who understand what they are going through i would question the effectivness of it.
If you have a lot of people at the same time going through issues they may end up not intentionally dragging each other down with each others problems and nobody with a clear head to help guide people through these issues.

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Originally Posted by ko_

Yeah I didn't even think of that Riyah. You bring a good point. Now I feel bad about looking into making one. :c

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Don't feel bad. It is possible to do this, but you have to be aware of some of the negatives going in. I tend to highlight the negative because a lot of people never ever consider it, then they get blindsided by it when it really happens. But its better for me to point it out here and people think on it then to deal with it on the fly as it happens. This is just the planning stages for it.

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Originally Posted by Paladinleeds

It's worth giving it a shot though. And trust me, we want to give this a shot. If it fails, at least we can say we tried. I am building up the server as we speak. I'm also getting the mods on board to ensure that rules are set out by the staff, who I trust are knowledgeable. We'll also be setting up a specific infractions system. It's tough, but we deserve a place for support. I refuse to rule this server out. I want to see it work. It also helps that I am an INTJ type person, with the J being the most important (Justice vs Personalisation). It helps me dish out the justice a lot easier without playing favouritism.

Simply put, give me a clear guide of what is and isn't allowed. Give me a clear infractions system to follow, and I will follow it to the letter. I don't do favouritism. Yes, sometimes people need outside help from professionals, and it's OK to explain that to people at times. I am convinced that with the right team we can make this work. And having seen a lot of HyoMin, Kaiva, etc, I can trust them to make it work.

The community at large will be the ones providing the support for the group. It will kinda of be a large circle. What the moderators do over normal members (and yes, they do work, I'm part of one such group on Facebook, while not at the mod level, I am friends with the group owner), is simply chuck out the bad eggs that may occur. It absolutely can work, so long as we get the right moderation team. Now I can trust HyoMin, Kaiva, and Tridus to do a good job, and I can get the back end up and running. That's where I excel. It's why I've already started on it, since I can make sure all permissions are laid out, etc. I manage multiple Discords, including my static Discord, my own stream Discord, and a group for Pokémon Go. Plus I've moderated for several other Discords. Let's just say I learned a thing or 2 about the back-end!

Easy enough to fix. Lay out ground rules about what can and can't be discussed. For example in that Facebook group, threats of self-harm are not allowed in order to prevent mass triggering people. Certain topics must be covered by a trigger warning explaining what triggers to be aware of (we can create a separate room for that too).

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It's hard to respond to this without being negative, but you can't trust someone based on forum posts or even knowing them in game. What you are asking for is really tough, and its very easy to fall prey to certain things. I would be very open with them about what this entails, and go from there. Stuff like this can only be tried by fire; it helps at least if you do a lot of contingency planning and are open to what it involves early on, specially for volunteers. It's never that easy when it comes to social stuff, especially if you get someone who is both mentally ill and very persuasive.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

Don't feel bad. It is possible to do this, but you have to be aware of some of the negatives going in. I tend to highlight the negative because a lot of people never ever consider it, then they get blindsided by it when it really happens. But its better for me to point it out here and people think on it then to deal with it on the fly as it happens. This is just the planning stages for it.

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Exactly, and while I might sound a bit standoffish (I swear, I think that's my Asperger's coming into play there. It tends to make me a bit "Don't beat around the bush" towards people) to people about it, I'm doing it out of passion. I'm looking at the potential pitfalls that are highlighted, and bringing up strategies I've seen work. It won't be easy, I do not discount that. And I appreciate you bringing them up. But I want to see this work, as I'm sure plenty others do.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

It's hard to respond to this without being negative, but you can't trust someone based on forum posts or even knowing them in game. What you are asking for is really tough, and its very easy to fall prey to certain things. I would be very open with them about what this entails, and go from there. Stuff like this can only be tried by fire; it helps at least if you do a lot of contingency planning and are open to what it involves early on, specially for volunteers. It's never that easy when it comes to social stuff, especially if you get someone who is both mentally ill and very persuasive.

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I hear you. But for now it's all I have to go off. Right now we're building up as a group what we want from this. Let the staff decide the direction, and then enforce it. Like you said, can only be tried by fire. I did say even if it does go Pete Tong, at least we can say we tried. And eyah, we're building up a lot of contingency plans. We're gonna work on it together. I'm prepared for a long slog, but we will do our darned best to make this work.

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Originally Posted by RiyahArp

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And it's perfectly fine to bring up the potential downfalls. It is a tough task...but we gotta start somewhere.

I am also interested in this, though I might be more of a lurker than anything... I'd still like to join.

I think this is a fantastic idea, but Riyah does have some very valid points... having been a moderator in the mental health section of IGN's sister site Chick Click (which was shut down sometime around 2002, not even mentioned on IGN's wiki booooo), few gaming forums, and also having been a guild leader of an FC as well, the emotional investment is pretty hefty, I got pretty burnt out at one point. Hence why I don't do moderating or guild leadership anymore :) It looks like you guys got ground rules covered and that you know how to deal with being a moderator, just remember to look after yourselves my angels... I'd also recommend having links to professional avenues of help in an emergency, guidelines, and advice centres, and I wish you loads and loads of luck.

Yup yup, we've discussed those things, and we have a pretty good base to start with. It's actually open right now, and I'll post the link below. I'll post a more formal link in a new thread, too.

http://discord.gg/cKEqRQA