Social Anxiety

Anybody else feel super anxious and scared when playing this game (or heck, any social situation for that matter?)

I feel bad for bringing such weird, personal stuff to the forum like this, but I'm at a bit of a loss with what to do.

I've been playing FFXIV for a few years now on and off, and I've always had such a hard time meeting people and being part of an FC. I feel like no matter where I go, I'm always inadequate, the odd one out in a group. Often times when I try to be a part of things, I always get very nervous and cop out at the last second. It's gotten to the point where I'd leave the FC and stop playing entirely for a while because I'd get so nervous.

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

Thank you for reading, and again, sorry to bring such a weird subject up!

I don't think this is a unique thing. I see plenty of people following a similar pattern. But just like you were open here about it you can say the same (I know its difficult, I had an ex with a huge social anxiety and self-awareness issue) but when people know why is it that you act like this, they usually offer venues to help you be part of the group.

Not really -.-; over all it's like everyday life...you listen with our wanting to...in this case you read with out wanting to. Nothing wrong with a little socialization. I'm more of a one man FC because I rather do things on my own. If anything you can always just create and recruit an FC and play at your style. Sometime sit can be over whelming true...however nobody knows unless you tell them or show it. So just have fun. Pretend your in play, after all in online gaming you can express your self and be someone different. You pay a subscription, no one has the right to judge you, if there are not many who accept you find and stick with those that will. If you need help feel free to look me up ^^. I don't judge, I do however teach, and won't hesitate to to do so if it's truly needed. Not to put anyone down, but as a form of respect.

I think your situation is more common then me when on the internet in general. It is something I can't fully understand but try to help those like you but I end up failing because its something I can't personally understand. I just talk to people about whatever, not really hard for me fill up a friend list. Really weird having people shocked when they find out im 200/200 and need make room ><

I am sure people already see on these forms I am not shy when it comes to speaking my mind.

I have noticed this as well. I think it may be that people play MMO's now thinking that since it supposedly in a gaming scenario that people will be playing the game for fun but people who have trouble in real life scenarios also seem to have the same issues in online games as well. Interaction in both online and real life situations still require basic social skills to have any success in. Take the initiative and become proactive to lead if you really struggle to fit in with groups. That is what I had to do to get out of my comfort zone. Whether it be forming a POTD team to combat lower levels together on a weekly basis or take that and expand to form a static raid team. You do not have to be a hardcore 6 hours a night 4x a week to make advancements in content in this game. SE has given you all its options via park rides and vertical raiding so use those tools to interact and enjoy yourself. Do not expect to live up to anyone else's standards but yours and as long as you are respectful and outgoing you will find your place.

It's pretty common actually.

I bet if you look at the FC active member list, and look at who's talking in chat, that you're not the only one that doesn't chime in very often.

A lot of people DON'T care about the social aspects of an MMO. (and it's a common misconception that people who play MMOs must want to play /talk with others - no they don't.).
There is a lot of solo content for people who want to avoid social stuff entirely.
There are people who join FCs only for the buffs + people training chocobos and no other reason. There are people who forego all that and never join an FC.
There is also a subset of people who don't care much for friends or casual chatting but enjoy group content where the only chatting is figuring out what to do.
There are people, like me, who enjoy group content and chatting, but somehow never feel the need to add anyone to friends list.

It's ok and most people don't mind. Everyone's different and it's not like it affects them so you do you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

---

I think the way people deal with it varies greatly, but you are most definitely not alone with that feeling. You are more than welcome to add me ingame if you want as well since we are both on Cactuar. Sometimes you just have to push yourself out of your comfort zone so you don't keep getting in your own way.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

Anybody else feel super anxious and scared when playing this game (or heck, any social situation for that matter?)

---

Nope! I'm an energetic and highly sociable person who's comfortable speaking to crowds. People also love having me around because I'm really funny, which has won me a huge friend list and mild reknown on my server! The best part is that I'm legitimately the same way offline. Yep, good looks, a pleasant speaking voice, topical humor with a slight edge that's still inoffensive; just get me a robot waifu designed to look like Ann from Persona 5 and I'll have it all.

Oh, look at me going on about myself again. Yeesh, tell me, how can I help you? (I'm probably going to tell you to be more like me.)

It works differently for everyone, because social anxiety isn't deeply understood (afaik).

I was extremely shy when I was younger, to the point where I spent days psyching myself up to say "hello" on Teamspeak to my friend's guild (and then said nothing afterward if anyone else was in the channel). I kept meeting new people, trying new things, trying new places, eventually finding things that worked both in-game and in real-life.

At this point, most people who know me in FFXIV see me as extroverted and probably wouldn't guess what I've been through. You change your experiences, reactions, and perceptions over time, and an online game is a great practice arena. It's a world of its own where you can experiment with who you want to be, how you want to carry yourself, the relationships you want to have with others.

I think many people get nervous making new friends, even if it doesn't show. Connection and the possibility of rejection makes people feel a little vulnerable.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

How do you deal with it?

---

Every few years someone stumbles across me and we become friends for a while. Other than that I just do stuff that's interesting to me while being depressed and wishing I could be more involved.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

I feel like no matter where I go, I'm always inadequate, the odd one out in a group. Often times when I try to be a part of things, I always get very nervous and cop out at the last second.

---

I think this right here is the root of your problem.

It seems you have a combination of low self-image/self-esteem combined with a fear of failure or at least being seen as one which results in you avoiding engaging in things or with people because you feel that you are not good enough and therefore are guaranteed to fail and if that is the case, why bother trying in the first place.

To use an analogy, you give up at the starting line because you are afraid you will lose the race.

The thing is, if you give up or decide to not even try out of a fear of failure, you are creating a situation in which you have no chance to succeed since you can't succeed if you don't even try.
Then, as you allude to, you feel like a failure for causing yourself to fail by giving up which then feeds back into your sense of inadequacy which feeds into your inclination to give up and so the vicious cycle continues like a rotating whirlpool just sucking you down.

We all have fears of failure, we all can be hard on ourselves, we can all feel inadequate or unsure when venturing into unknown territory with unknown people. You are in no ways alone in this and these kind of problems are more common than most people realize. Even those that beam with confidence will often double guess themselves and can be their own harshest critic, I know I am.

However, to be perfectly blunt, that is life and you have to learn to grow as an individual and overcome your own self-imposed obstacles.

For starters you need to stop with the overly negative outlook, both of yourself and of others.

As for your negative outlook of yourself, try building up self-esteem, look at what you are good at while accepting that there will be things you are not the best at, bolster and grow your strengths while acknowledging and working to overcome your weaknesses.
If you can't see the value in yourself, it's going to be very difficult for other to see it too.

Also you may not realize it but you are putting down others as well with this negative outlook, you are assuming that people are essentially going to be unkind and unaccepting of you. While there are a lot jerks out there, there are also a lot of real nice and understanding and accepting people out there who couldn't care less about things like someone being a little socially awkward.
Heck, I have met a number of people that initially came off as complete jerks but after being shown a little understanding and kindness they completely changed into an incredibly nice person, it just ended up that they were afraid that others were going to be jerks to them so they took the stance of being a jerk to try to "protect" themselves from it, a mindset that honestly makes no sense whatsoever if you actually think about it.
Basically, don't be so quick to prejudge others negatively and assume that they will view you negatively, if we all did that we would all see each others as jerks, moreso than we already do lol, and that would be a terribly miserable state to live in.

So at the expense of perhaps coming off a tad cheesy, people are like rooms. Close it off and shut yourself in and the room quickly becomes stuffy and you will eventually suffocate yourself. So seriously, just open a window let all the bad flow out and let some fresh air and sunshine in and when you are ready, open the door to the wider world.

Sure, it may seem difficult and you may not know how you are going to do it but there is no advice that anyone can give you that is guaranteed to work for you. You just simply need to crouch down, prepare and tell yourself it doesn't matter if you win or lose, you are going to run that race because as we already know if you give up at the starting-line you have already lost.
It's better to try and fail, learn from it, try again and make some progress than to give up and get absolutely nowhere.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

---

Self confidence is the key to success in these situations. I had similar fears (I was never assessed so I cannot say I had anxiety) when I was younger (currently in my 40s). I could not speak publicly and was complete social introvert. I would take fails on high school assignments where public speaking was a requirement.
What changed for me, how did I deal with it? In my early 20s I had a job where I did not have a choice in the matter. I had to speak to other people every day. If I lost the job, I would not be able to afford rent / food / etc... This survival motivator inadvertently pushed me out of the introverted shell which had predominated my life to that point. I am by no means a social butterfly but I can attend social gathering and enjoy getting involved in a discussion on any topic of interest. I do professional presentations and training as part of my work now, so, public speaking is never really a concern.

My advice to you, put yourself in to "slightly uncomfortable" social positions and challenge yourself to overcome them. If you lack the self confidence to do this, seek a professional opinion.

I've battled with social anxiety my entire life; for a period of 15 years I was barely functional. I'm still super nervous around groups of people, but I can do most things pretty okay now.

It's absolutely different for everyone, but my social anxiety doesn't apply to video games. In video games, I can separate "me" from "my skill" (character/persona/whatever) and I think it helped me a lot. Especially when voice communications started coming into play for things like endgame raids/trials, and eventually just hanging around chatting.

I did experience tankxiety when I first started XIV, because I didn't really know what I was doing, where I was going, what was expected of me, etc. though. I didn't really want to keep pushing through MSQ dungeons - it was somewhere between self-torture and just being a super draining chore. That mostly passed by the time I reached Brayflox, after knuckling down and spending some time looking at some visual guides for general tank etiquette. I looked up the bosses for each dungeon right before queuing to make mental note of anything that might instantly wipe the group. Every time I did a new dungeon, my anxiety diminished some more. Every time I redid a dungeon, I learned more about it and grew more confident. There was less need to think, because it was nearly always the same, and I could just get into my own little groove and not worry.

At this point I'm every healer's worst nightmare. I push as far as possible in every dungeon my first time in just to see what's what; if we die, well, **** it. It happens. We all learned something. If the other members of the party want to get pissy about it? Okay, that's fine, you guys do you. I'll bail. I can just try again later, and I'll realistically never see any of you again. Even if I do you probably won't remember my name, and I probably won't remember yours. So it's fine.

I use what I know about the game - or other games, or movies, or whatever - to form a basis for entering conversations. It makes it easier to talk to people when you're confident and comfortable with a subject, and it's important to always keep in mind that people aren't supposed to know everything. It's cool to ask questions about things; it makes the conversations more engaging. You don't have to push yourself to always be chatty, or to initiate conversations, and it's fine if you just don't feel up to chatting at any given time. You can just respond with "I'm not feeling very well right now" if people are trying to talk to you, and they'll usually understand.

Take it slow. Breathe. Relax. Take breaks. And don't give up; put in a little work here and there and it'll get easier.

I have this problem as well. I did have friends on this game at first, but drama happened. I had a hard enough time with trusting people due to PTSD. I was starting to get better, but when my "friends" did some immature things to our old FC house, I had a hard time trusting them after that. I had thought I made some good friends, but I was wrong. Now I'm in just the old FC and my partner (I met him on the game) as the only active members, and it's better that way. He gave me money to fix the damage they did to the FC house. We moved from Mist to Goblet, and just the other day to Shirogane.

We run dungeons and stuff, but don't talk to anyone in them.

I can't really give you any psychological help with this issue--struggle with it a lot myself, actually--but I feel like there are a few things you can do to make your experience in FF better:

1) Join a smaller FC. An FC with about 10-12 active members is usually best for people who are both nervous but still want to make friends. In a huge FC, you are likely to be over-run, and you'll feel like you're not necessary because there are always going to be groups doing things without you. In a smaller FC, it's more likely that you'll be "necessary" at some point--if they want to make a group of four or eight, they'll be likely to invite you since there will be fewer other options.

2) Be clear with your FC mates on where you think your skill level is. If they want to try an extreme primal but you're too nervous, you can say something "I don't know that fight, so I'm afraid I might be really bad at it." Or "I'll go with you, but I might suck; sorry in advance for any mistakes." If you're upfront about where you think you stand with a particular raid/primal/etc., you won't feel like you're letting your FC down if you do end up making mistakes. We had a Dragoon in my last FC who just could not dodge AOEs. He was the stereotype of a lolDRG. But we all liked him anyway and invited him to everything anyway because he kept a good attitude about it--we knew we would be carrying him, but we were happy to do so because he open about it and didn't make a big deal out of making mistakes.

3) Invite people to non-threatening things. In some duties, like dungeons and story mode trials, party members usually don't talk to each other, even if they're in the same FC. Invite your FC mates to do roulettes with you. You can both focus on the roulettes; you won't even have to talk, and yet it still qualifies as social! When you start inviting people, you will likely discover a core group of people who are willing to run daily things with you; the more things you run together, the easier it is to become friends. Likewise, I would recommend not turning down invitations to nonthreatening things. If someone invites you to a dungeon or trial you know you can do without too much trouble, take a deep breath and go with them. Turning down invites is the fastest way to end up feeling like the odd man out.

4) Do basic, routine things that indicate friendliness without requiring a lot of social willpower: say "Hi" in FC chat every time you log in. Say "Gotta go. Night guys!" every time you log off. Even just SOME small presence in the chat box makes you more memorable to your FC mates, and therefore less likely to be seen as a the odd man out.

And I guess the last thing I would say is look for an FC that's not only welcoming, but maybe also a little pushy? I know that sounds weird, but the first FC I joined in this game had a (joking) "no consent" policy--if you were online and not doing anything important, and there was a group activity going on, they definitely expected you to be in the party filling a space. The assumption that everyone would be involved automatically really kept me from fading into the background, and even though it was nerve-wracking at first, it also created a situation in everyone was expected to make friends with each other very quickly.

Good luck, OP!

I just keep to myself, game is still fun unless someone wants me to talk on discord (listening is fine but I would rather turn my console off then actually speak)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

I've been playing FFXIV for a few years now on and off, and I've always had such a hard time meeting people and being part of an FC. I feel like no matter where I go, I'm always inadequate, the odd one out in a group. Often times when I try to be a part of things, I always get very nervous and cop out at the last second. It's gotten to the point where I'd leave the FC and stop playing entirely for a while because I'd get so nervous.

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

---

Try not to feel too ashamed, it's something a lot of people struggle with. I remember wanting to throw up on presentation morning of my first public speaking course, but this other girl volunteered to go first. She started off talking about a beach or something, then the nerves kicked in. She started speaking faster and faster, rambling more, running out of breath mid-sentence, and the more aware that she was bombing it she became, the worse it got. It was hard to watch, but she got through it and sat down, and I just remember being surprised someone so seemingly normal could have such a hard time with something I thought I struggled with because I was flawed. It made me realize it was fine to be scared, and you just had to go through to get past. She got really good as the course went on too, think she finished with a B, which was amazing considering where she started.

That said, my solution to this is fairly boring. There was a good deal on company gym memberships when I started working, so I started doing that and it did wonders for my self image. It doesn't have to be the gym, but working on yourself and your own self esteem should be your top priority. People are pretty good at picking up on how you see yourself and will treat you accordingly.

You might want to talk to a therapist or counselor if this affects more than in game, as many people who play MMOs also suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses.

I think those emotions you feel are your body reacting to stress, and it helps to realize that they aren't really you. If you recognize that it is stress, it's easier to deal with. If you are too stressed to do dungeon runs, invite people for treasure maps instead. If the thought of spending hours with people stresses you, do something and set a time limit. If it's just talking, just set a goal of saying "hi" to three or four people in your FC when they log in, regardless of whether or not they say hi back. Try and realize when those emotions flare up at you, and you may find the causes that trigger them. It can become a little easier to deal with.

I have the opposite problem. I give people social anxiety.

https://78.media.tumblr.com/39fbdd36...xbouo1_500.gif

On a side note, I get really anxious when I enter new content. Savage raids, primals... Join an FC, or group with FC members... If I know the people I'm gonna game with I get antsy as I feel I have to over-perform. >_>

I suffered this for years, I'm 25 and I'd say it only got better for me two years ago. It got so bad I just played them like a single player game and like everyone around me was a NPC. I discovered myself and the way I enjoy playing MMOs in the RP community. I'm not saying go RP, but find what makes you happy when you play Final Fantasy XIV and find people like that. I hope that helps, keep your chin up I'm sure you're awesome to play / talk with.

http://imgur.com/qP2Z2aA.gif

Buh...thank you all for the friendly replies >.<. I suppose just forcing myself into things with small steps would help out some? I...really really dunno how to reply here, but it makes me feel a little more confident that people are being nice.

Just...bweh....thank you all, and sorry. >.<

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

Buh...thank you all for the friendly replies >.<. I suppose just forcing myself into things with small steps would help out some? I...really really dunno how to reply here, but it makes me feel a little more confident that people are being nice.

Just...bweh....thank you all, and sorry. >.<

---

Yeah, I think that's really the best way to go about it. Any time you want something to change in your life, it's going to mean going out of your comfort zone a bit, so if you just start small with the easiest things like popping a message or two into the chat each day, that will be a step in the right direction.

It will always start out hard, but once you start doing something routinely, it will get easier! Good luck out there!

I'm sure there are others who will say something similar (and some have), OP are you me?

Joking aside, I've been there. I once was asked by a former static raid mate to sub in for their caster dps in T8 before Savage and Duty Finder. I had only cleared T6 and was in between statics to work on T7 etc. During that one raid session I couldn't speak and I had literal tears running through my face and my leg shook like crazy. I honestly shouldn't have said yes but I came away from it feeling better even though I had all that self doubt, imposter syndrome, etc etc etc. I didn't want to embarrass my former raid mate or myself by underperforming or messing up. It went well and I ended up finding a group that needed a caster DPS for their T6-T7. I have issues putting myself out there but I'm not at the point where I'm physically feeling that anxiety come out.

If you keep taking the small steps to build your self esteem and your confidence, it'll get better. Playing this game with friends and progressing through content is one of the most enjoyable things out there. It takes time and effort but the reward is worth it.

Im diagnosed with it. So I completely understand. Im moreso like this when people want to voicechat with me. My anxiety gets so bad, my heart beats like theres no tomorrow which makes it hard for me to be myself because Im thinking too much about my shaky voice. Chat-wise I have gotten so used to it now! But Im like you. Ive actually gone from group to group to group and more groups lol. Its tiring and lonely because I think I crave people to like me and I do everything I can to keep them in my life. It especially hurts when that doesnt go to plan, like you know when you finally feel comfortable and open up, joke with people. And then all of a sudden they stop talking to you... its the worst feeling. Iv got tough skin now. Having a mindset like- people come and go, its not you its them. As long as I am pushing myself thats all that matters.

Im also gay (trap) btw not that it matters but I feel sometimes that makes it hard too, to fit in. Iv server swapped idk how many times because of my anxiety. I kept wanting to start again (and again). No more running for me. Things arent as bad as anxiety lets us think! We must control our anxiety, and not let it control us. Relax. We are all safe here. And I would definitely be your friend! ^-^/

No, I play this game to get away from social anxiety IRL.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by -Lilia-

But Im like you. Ive actually gone from group to group to group and more groups lol. Its tiring and lonely because I think I crave people to like me and I do everything I can to keep them in my life. It especially hurts when that doesnt go to plan, like you know when you finally feel comfortable and open up, joke with people. And then all of a sudden they stop talking to you... its the worst feeling. Iv got tough skin now. Having a mindset like- people come and go, its not you its them. As long as I am pushing myself thats all that matters.

---

I'm glad I'm not alone on the whole moving from group to group thingy. Someone pointed me to an FC, one of the biggest on Adamantoise afaik, and I joined, got scared, left, felt like a butt, rejoined ect ect. Same with another one on this character. It really really sucks and I don't want people to take it the wrong way.

Either way, definitely appreciate the input. Same with everyone else :>

You need to know what YOLO stands for. :P

Just yolo into the FC, none know who are you anyway, no consequences there are.

Oh, don't worry about it. Nothing wrong with you. I met a lot of people on here who say they have social anxiety. But I never noticed 'cause they seem normal to me when we talk. Just go with what you're comfortable with. Don't worry about stuff. You're at your best when you're not all too conscious of yourself at all.

I hate socializing with people and it takes me time to get comfortable with people I selectively like so I can sympathize with people with social anxiety. It's especially hard when you enjoy a MMO but don't have much energy to deal with people. I personally choose those I wish to become friends with for a long time. Not some fleeting fancy for a month or two. I prefer to establish strong connections of comradeship and friendship. Which is rare to come by.

And I'd rather discuss things people are interested in rather then waste their time.

When I was new to the game (3 month of playtime or so), I had this same feeling.
I refused to queue for anykind of content alone because I was scared of failing and being insulted.
I watched guides a lot before coming in new trials and raid or even dungeon because I didn't want to be a burden, that was too much for me.
I even sometimes quit some instance when I failed because I felt ashamed and was scary of what the other might think.

But then, with more playtime and more self confidence in my gameplay, I began to totally loose this feeling and I felt better.
I tried to read and watch some guides on my class, train in easy content to get confidence in myself. I also realized that there were as good as bad people everywhere, so waiting for my friends wouldn't help me to be opened to others.

This is a game and we're here to have fun so,I just began to be myself, share some good times with people who wanted to and just ignore the rest.

I've dealt with anxiety (with a heaping helping of depression) most of my life. I was never able to make friends in school and still can't as an adult. But to a stranger, who sees me online or playing MMOs...they may not realize that. Because I get very chatty most of the time and want to hang out. I'm an officer in my free company. Not that I haven't had problems with it online either. Sometimes I just get really withdrawn or I get aggravated with people for no reason, or say something stupid, and I get embarrassed and kind of just run away. So you're definitely not alone. But everyone experiences it in a different way.

I was scared when I first started playing this game even though I'd been playing WoW for 12 years. It took me 2 months to join an FC that I never talked in and even longer to start making friends. One of my friends from WoW told me to come to Balmung and that's when I finally started getting social in this game. Now I'm in an FC with people I love to be around. But it took a while.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Elamys

I was scared when I first started playing this game even though I'd been playing WoW for 12 years. It took me 2 months to join an FC that I never talked in and even longer to start making friends. One of my friends from WoW told me to come to Balmung and that's when I finally started getting social in this game. Now I'm in an FC with people I love to be around. But it took a while.

---

So that's pretty much a normal thingy for most folks? Joining multiple FCs to find ones ya click with?

I would say so, yeah. I went between groups of people for a long time in WoW and it wasn't until fairly recently that I found a group of people I was comfortable with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

So that's pretty much a normal thingy for most folks? Joining multiple FCs to find ones ya click with?

---

I do that a lot. But that's because I am a loner by default *cue FF loner music*

I played FFXI for over 10 years and had really loved playing with others. After adult onset of inattentive ADHD and depression I've found I had social anxiety IRL and it started creeping into the game maybe a year into playing FFXIV. Now the game is unplayable to me right now due to the fact I feel I can't catch up. I have a massive back log of games I quit playing because I felt it was getting "too hard" due to my inattentive ADHD. Not saying that is what you have but maybe look into it? It goes hand in hand with my social anxiety. I still play FFXIV but I just craft and not talk to anyone. If I didn't have a house, I'd quit for good. I really want to play with others but my anxiety keeps me from playing with people.

Someone long ago once told me that most people walk around thinking about their own stuff, how they appeared to others, that its very rare for anyone to actually fully notice you.

Don't get the idea in your head before any social interaction that anyone even gives 2 shts about you because chances are you will be forgotten, just like me and anyone else.

So with that in mind, entering any social action becomes easy, because you will only be noticed by those worth you noticing. Akin to the whole picture everyone naked, but closer to the truth than that really, because we all think about our own stuff more.

In order to cope with my social anxiety, I actually create an online persona and get into character. I used to roleplay a lot and took on several types of characters and roles, so in order to be able to write out roleplays I pretty much became a character outside of what I normally was. Am I not being the real me? No. But it allows me to comfortably talk to people or at least put myself out there. When I went to meet up with FC mates in Fanfest they pretty much all said I was completely different. I come off confident online but in real life I'm actually a wallflower that pretty much shrinks down around people.

Ouch this hits close to home.
I always feel like I end up being too formal online which results in creating distance with the people I party with or even my FC.
tbh the best way I cope with it is to be on call with a friend of mine who also plays.

Befriending people in a group seems a little less awkward than just trying to go up to someone solo and say hi imo, but even then it's still really hard to start a conversation with people outside dungeons and FC/LS ;;