I know this is a personal issue but

When I logged in today and when to the party finder and there it is, The person i blacklisted appear on Party finder and it was grayed out showing that I blacklisted this person

what make me Burst out of rage is that after 5 months of blacklisting this person I still hold so much hatred toward this person

I would like ask for advice from fellow community, how do you deal with such hatre?

well the reason why i hated this person so much is because she is my previous raid static leader and also my last static I ever joined

The amount of scar left on me to the point I dont want to raid anymore

what make it weird is that even after 5 months I know I have forget and forgive but some how this hatre stored for 5months just burst out of control today

any advice?

Sorry for the bad english :o

Go hit a bag and let out the rage?

I dont want to ask you for details but you can ask yourself some quesitions and take action regarding on your answers:

1) Do you enjoy raiding in general? If so: Why let her let yourself hold back from something you enjoy? My advice here would be: Look for a new static and DO the content you enjoy - it may help you to get over with the last static and the whole situation. Not raiding is not moving on in a sense (at least it would be for me - if it is something I enjoy)

2) What excatly makes you hate this person so much? Can you pinpoint it? If you can: Try to find a solution for it - forget&forgive might not be the best one in a sense. Some things cant just be "forgive&forget" - specially if they're holding you back, which seems to be the case. Maybe you can try talking to her to reslove the issue?

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Originally Posted by Janhyua

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This is going to sound cliche' and like a horrible reference but..... let it go. Just remember that you put this person behind you and be glad in the fact that you left them behind rather than dragging up all the reasons you did so.

Unfortunately, this is just one of those things you'll have to find a way to cope with. In game, and real life, there will always be those people that instantly bring back all the bad feelings and rage every time you see them (or in this case just see their name). I don't think most people are going to be zen enough to completely forgive and forget with no hard feelings. It's just human nature D:

I'd just keep on doing what you do, ignore/avoid as much as possible and try to enjoy your time.

I dunno. I don't hate that much.

Nothing good really comes out of holding a grudge. People and circumstances can change with time, so it's often worth giving things a fresh look after a while.

It reminds me of my 1st Breakup.

She cheated on me. Which lead to the break up.

I HATED her for a really long time. But now I don't care.

Hate lasted a good 2 years.

Time to give voice to your hate and incite hate in others! It's the new way to success! Just ask Trump!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Waeksyn

Time to give voice to your hate and incite hate in others! It's the new way to success! Just ask Trump!

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Ugh, take this to facebook.

thanks guys, Maybe if i delete her off the blacklist and in time her name will be forgotten in my memory.

Just get over her. Seeing certain people's names used to make me upset too, but the thing is that they are out of the picture. Moving on!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Janhyua

What make it weird is that even after 5 months I know I have forget and forgive but some how this hatre stored for 5months just burst out of control today

any advice?

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Dealing with rage is an internal, subjective issue.
It's going to be different for everyone and some people definitely have it harder than others.

Anyway, this is what works for me, hope it helps:

When I was a little kid, I got mad once and I hurt a friend.
Now, when I get mad, I remember that feeling of guilt I had when I hurt someone while angry. I remember how the rage clouded my mind and I basically did something I didn't really want to do.

I don't like not-being-in-control of myself, it scares me.
I also don't like hurting people. Especially people I care about.

Remembering these things, and remembering that rage is a pathway for me to do things I don't really want to do anyway (accidentally, or in a not-thinking-things-through way) is a blocker that is very helpful for calming my feelings of rage.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

Holding onto hatred I'd like swallowing poison and hoping it kills someone else.
I'm not saying I befriend every single person I meet but I've found holding grudges is a waste of your energy. Better spent kicking ass in raids, eh? =)

Meant to say is. Can't edit on a phone. ><

Something I didn't learn for the whole 32 years of my life; but I ended up learning this simple thing from my boyfriend.

I've had some s-t done to me by various people throughout my life. Most of it by my own family. I was the queen of grudge-holding and I was finding it really hard to let go. If I let it go, it would make what happened to me inconsequential, and it wasn't inconsequential, someone hurt me, damn it.

But you know what? When you're angry or hurt by someone, you're also not happy. And by continuing to harbor your grudge towards this person, you are continuing to feel unhappy and you are letting their mere existence steal it.

The lesson from my wise boyfriend. NEVER LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR HAPPINESS. They hurt you? So what. Fk them. Cut them out of your life and pursue things and people that bring you joy. Joy is what is important. Being happy is how we should live our lives.

It sounds simple and it also sounds hard, but 6 months after meeting my boyfriend, I realized that I finally, truly gave up my grudges. I saw a former person in a dream recently and usually in those dreams, I see him and I usually feel some kind of old scar and realize I don't want to talk to him... But this time, there was nothing.

And it was SO. LIBERATING.

Chase that happiness, man.

This actually happened to me the other day, too. I don't blacklist very many people aside from RMT and the people shouting their casinos, but there are one or two on my list for other reasons. I'd completely forgotten it greys out their PF parties and hovered over one out of curiosity. I saw the name and was like, "Oh it's you." I had a brief 3-minute trip down memory lane and at the end of it was like, "Yep. Still hate your face," and then moved on to more productive things.

In short, there are better things you could be doing with your time than wasting it dwelling on how this person did you wrong.

I have at least 30 people on my blacklist, not including rmt. All those people on that list are a-holes in my eyes for specific reasons. Either they were rude to me or someone we played with for no reason, stole something from me or my friends, a complete troll to the community (and knows this) making players waste their time for nothing, an elitest p****, or just happens to be someone I just can't tolerate for the life of me.

Now when I see these people around, I simply ignore them and continue doing what i was doing. It wasn't always like that though. My heart would jump at the sight of certain people. At one moment I hit a breaking point when some tried to mock me or my friends, then realized something. These people who I blacklisted for being just terrible players (and yes, personality counts as a player trait) are all on that list because I want nothing to do with them. They made it clear they don't care about anyone but themselves without regard to another's feelings. So when they decide to show themselves to me or spam an empty emote toward me, I don't feel a damned thing, because they're already dead to me.

Every blacked out named I see on the party finder is a husk of a rotten memory that will eventually fade even more as time goes on. I won't notice your laughs, or pleas, or jokes, though if you come back to bother my friends, say hello to a gm for me. Give me the lovely, DELIGHTFUL chance of sending you to the Hyperion Gaol. Make my day. Cause right now, I'm already enjoying my game knowing your just a sad memory begging to be noticed, so let me give you a new memory that would be placed in your notifications by a gm.

Enjoy your game man, don't take shit from anyone from a game you payed monthly for.

Hope that struck a nerve for any stalking a-holes out there >:3